Lfs,

I'm curious, now that it has been a while for you, do you ever/often have feelings like "ok I have this under control now, I can prob have a few no problem" ?

Congrats LFS, keep up the good stuff!

Had my 150 milliliters today. For getting up to 0.6 liters for the week I'll have to drink the 150 ml three additional days. Yikes, felt kind of poisoned today, after the three day break. Pending between reducing quicker and keeping to my "wearing out" method, reducing 50 milliliters a week. Have a feeling the latter could be more effective when it comes to me, and could give more permanent results. You just kind of get used to drinking less.

LFS,
That gave me goosebumps. Congrats and keep on improving!

Play,

Just a crazy idea, but if you wanted to, you could drink less than 150ml the other days, or skip one of the days. It's ok to come under your 600ml goal!

Thanks, but guess I like to torture myself a bit. Just waiting for when getting to taper, taking the pain! Ideally the drinking will start disgusting me, also short term, will have to force the stuff in. Then the end result can be achieved, and will feel good.

Play,

Whatever works for you!

Oh good lord no. I don't think I'll ever feel like it's OK to drink or use again. But I can definitely picture "giving up" and drinking or using because throwing my life down the drain seems like a reasonable option. Or, more likely probably, not "thinking" about it at all until I've done it. But it's really hard to picture thinking I can handle it.

But I am definitely capable of keeping my feelings to myself, harboring resentments, and other stuff that will take me down that road to where I don't even give a **** anymore. And THAT is why this is an ongoing commitment.

I recently relapsed. I was under no illusion that I could handle it. I just had a bunch of really ****ty stuff happen and decided I deserved it. Also known as "the **** its."

Hang in there man.... I got sucked into a bad opiate addiction during my college years. Thought that kicking that was the hardest thing that I'd ever have to do in my life but turns out that replacing that addiction with alcohol has ended up even worse. Sometimes I fear clicking on this thread because of how bad it will trigger my depression.

If it wasn't for the price I wish I would've stuck with the opiates because the alcohol is ****ing up my body and mind way worse than those drugs ever did

River: Good luck getting back on track.

Skiier: hope you can find a good path out of these addictions.

Congrats on 4 years LFS!

I think thinking drinking much is not fun can do the trick. Alcohol is a poison, and has to be handled accordingly.

And it's a question of time. I had a period of 10+ years when I had one beer at mondays, one at wednesdays and two at fridays (but even then I slowly went up from 1/3 liter bottles to 1/2 liter cans...). Had never drunk more regularly, the party drinking at collage didn't happen on a daily basis. The drinking a bit heavier is not a very many years thing for me.

You can always do something, but be a bit merciful on yourself. The addictive stuff, so be it nicotine, opiates or alcohol, have a tendency to go up in amounts. If that is allowed to continue you can end up with a crash, and then zero. Problem with some of them is the crash and zero may be a lost life. Or then you can at least try to taper. At least it gets you thinking a bit about the stuff, acts like a counterforce to the addiction.

The AA looks like a good alternative if seriously struggling, hope I would take it. Calculating my personal risks haven't taken me there just yet. With for example a consumption of two-three bottles whisky a week I really hope I could find the strength to join, and leave the stuff for good.

Remember there was a time, at least in your childhood, when you could do without drinking a single drop.

So your advice to people who struggle with substance abuse is to just control it? For many (most?), controlling it would mean 100% abstinence, as they cannot stop once they get started. Drinking does impair clear thinking, after all.

That said, when I read posts of yours like this:

I have no idea what your actual objective/goal is.

As I said in the (edited) last post, totally quitting may be the foremost alternative. But not always the only one. Nuances can be seen even in this area.
The goal is reducing, maybe quitting. But finding the way that pulls the right personal psychological strings can enhance the possibility of success. My goal today feels like: "Will get down to 0.5 liters a week, gradually. Then I may have that new platform for a longish time, or then continue to taper. Ideally I would get to 0.2 liters a week, returning to the 50ml mondays, 50ml wednesdays, and 100ml fridays I once did (in the form of beer)". You could say my goal will be anything that will keep the status quo or taper, with the second alternative as the most attractive one. Only increasing is a no-no.

If you are questioning my motives, the thought processes above by themselves already prove I'm an addict.

Fair enough; did not see your edit.

Got it, but I don't get it. Is your goal to taper based on dependency to avoid withdrawals for safety reasons, or just cuz you like to drink and feel you're psychologically dependent? If the latter, just drop it altogether; if the former, taper faster, imo.

Thanks. My theory right now is it's partly a habit, not just addiction. So gradually reducing can fix that habit thing. I will almost not recognize the gradually falling amounts, will have time to get used to them, and maybe not even wish for more. Wonder if this could work for anybody else? If I succeed, it could be a possible alternative at least for some, with slight-moderate alcohol problems, as I maybe can be seen to have.

Good stuff, LFS, keep up the good work.

How do these posts usually start out? Is it "ok, here goes?"

Ok.

Here goes.

I'm probably bordering on being an alcoholic.

"THATS THE FIRST SIGN OF BEING AN ALCOHOLIC! YOU HAVE TO ADMIT IT!"

Yeah, I know. This is probably a defense mechanism so I can feel better about myself. I can tell myself that its not that serious, I haven't hit rock bottom or anything, I just need to cut back a little.

What do I do next? Tell my story?

Ok.

Here goes.

I had my first drink when I was in the 11th grade. Maybe a late starter by alcoholic's standards, but I was "raised right" and didn't have any opportunity to drink before that. I don't know if I would have. had I had the chance either. In 8th grade, I saw my buddy smoke a cigarette and I was grossed out and totally against it.

Anyways, in 11th grade, new years eve, we had a couple drinks at my friend's house. It wasn't very fun for me - I think I had a beer and a half - but my 3 friends had a good time. The rest of that year, it was a mixture on weekends of having normal sleepovers most of the time, and every couple weeks, we'd score a couple six packs between the 4 of us, and have a rager where we each got to drink 4 or 5 beers.

Then I went to college.

Christ, this is going to be a long story.

Maybe I'll just post the first bit as a motivation to type up and post the rest at some point.

Anyways, if you're a reader looking for wild stories, I don't know that I have any. If you want tales about rock bottom and how I can't make it through a week without a twelve pack or a fifth, I don't know that I'm your guy.

I'm just a guy who thinks I probably drink too much and I would like to be able to happily cut back before my child is born.

Oh yeah, my wife is due in July.

Maybe I should have done this post on a gimmick account? Hell, this is a gimmick account.

Let's find out together if there is a follow up post tomorrow.

Hey HBE, this stuff getting a lot more "real" with a baby on the way is pretty standard. But it doesn't necessarily mean you're an alcoholic. Yes, raising the issue probably means it's worth examining. And really no harm can come of that. If you decide to post more, I'd be interested to know why you think you drink too much. And I would also suggest that you read the thread and see if you relate to the stories of those of us who have gone further down the scale than you.

Be well!

LFS

Screw ups happen, no need to dwell on it and I hope you can overcome it. I've followed you for awhile, you're one of my favorite posters on 2p2 and probably the first one I would routinely recognize when I first joined. I wish you the best in 2017.

**** you scumbag brain. I'm going to win this.

Good luck everyone who has made the resolution. Not a drop in 2017.

Cliffs: Quit for 5 months in 2016. Didn't tell any friends or family. Gifted with a nice Johnny Walker scotch set. Relapse.

Thanks. This thing is tougher than I could have ever imagined. When I first went to AA I remember thinking "jesus, what's the big deal, if you want to stop drinking, just stop drinking." Whoops.

Not easy. We are partly locked in into our personalities.

Allright, so I didn't make it back here the next day after my first post, but here I am anyways. Maybe there's some beauty in that.

Anyways, I guess I left off with the part where I went to college. Freshman year was full of the somewhat standard craziness - parties with red cups, a couple girls from different floors in our dorm, and a little (honestly, a little) stuff to smoke. By the end of the year, my roommate had gotten in to some heavier (nose related) stuff, and I had decided that my current situation wasn't quite for me. I took a year off, found a steady girlfriend, and got things together.

During my year off, I lived back with my folks, worked a lot and drank a little. I guess I was about 20 at that point, and I decided to go back to (a different) school. Applied, attended, dean's list, no big deal. Drinking somewhat heavily on weekends, and a very occasional weeknight with friends.

My last couple years of college is where it escalated - almost never missing a weekend (fri-sat-sun) night and probably drinking 2-3 of the other nights most weeks. I graduated and moved to a different state and got a good job with great pay (for a 23 year old) and took advantage.

The next few years I guess it kept escalating. Having money and being away from most of my friends meant not having much to do except drink by the pool, drink and the hot tub, drink on the balcony, etc. A few years later I was married and feeling good about things, so I moved back home.

I don't know how interesting this is for anyone. I'm sure its more about being therapeutic for myself. Self-examination and all that. I guess I'll basically skip to the current situation for sake of not wanting to bore the reader.

For the last 3 months, I have limited myself to 4 drinks (beers mostly) on weekend nights, and 1 drink maximum on weeknights. This is due to the fact that it came down to my wife googling "how many drinks counts as heavy drinking" and finding out that a light or moderate drinker or something has less than 14 drinks per week. So for the sake of labels we made a deal that I could have 4, 4, 4, 1, and 1 and she wouldn't worry about me.

I was never really "worried" about me. I just figured a bit less would be good for my health and for my bank account. With our first little one on the way, I figured its about time that I should shape up a bit more, but I find myself pouring my "4" drinks a little stronger than I did before, and buying certain beers just because they are the same price but a slightly higher abv.

Something about the way I drink - wanting the most bang (abv) for my buck (allotment of drinks) seems like it screams "hey stupid, you have a bit of a problem here."

The other night, while my wife was in the shower, I snuck a glass and a half of wine in between sips of beer so she wouldn't notice that I went over my one-per-night rule. I think thats probably a pretty bad sign.

Anyways, sorry for blogging. I'll go back and read some of the thread now to find some wisdom and maybe similar stories.

Hey HBE,

Presumably, the wife already thought you were drinking too much, right? The Google was backup so it wasn't "her" saying you drink too much. Anything more behind that, any incidents or anything? Did she grow up with an alcoholic in her immediate family?

So yeah, it's often said that alcoholics drink for the effect it has. I personally loved everything about drinking, from the taste to the ritual to the social aspect, but I cannot ****ing imagine drinking without the effect. When people say we drink for the effect it has on us my response is "Well, no ****. Does anyone seriously NOT drink for the effect?" I mean, I guess I know people do, but that is way way beyond my comprehension. Inconceivable! So, that's what you making sure you get the most bang for your buck made me think of.

As far as the drink-sneaking goes, yeah obviously there's something there. Whether it has more to do with your relationship to alcohol or your relationship with your wife is hard to say, but it likely, imo, has to do with both. But this I can tell you: I did an immeasurable amount of alcohol- and drug-related sneaking around over the course of my marriage. I am currently in the process of attempting to undo the damage but often fear that it's unsalvageable. It is unlikely that foreknowledge of the situation I find myself in with my marriage would have deterred me if I had known that going in, but maybe it'll make a difference for you.