When doctors explain things slowly and clearly, it is not their intention to patronise you. It's them trying to be 100% clear and leave no room for ambiguity or misunderstanding. Try to remember that they are doing their best to help you.

I realise that, I am very respectful of the medical staff, it’s just telling them that I can understand words of more than one syllable speeds things up for the both of us.
Diazepam not Librium is used here. I will check why they choose one over the other.

What's your hurry? Aren't you going into an inpatient detox for several days? I'm guessing you won't be allowed electronic devices, so Wall Street will have to wait.

I know several doctors on a personal level, and I'm pretty sure what you're trying to accomplish with this pow-wow at the outset will have the opposite effect of what you think it will.

There are doctors, lawyers, etc., with substance abuse problems, so it's not a matter of being smart or dumb. It's okay to drop your guard and be vulnerable and also not project.

I sort of meant it read that I would say to the Doc “You can
refer to the medication as “Valium” and “Thiamine “, you don’t have to call them “The red and green tablets and the brown tablets”

So are you at the facility?

I still here the initial detox was the most terrifying experience of my life but thankfully in my case didn’t last too long.
They are keeping me in to complete the course of Pabrinex. I elected to have a canula fitted rather than have the injection into the buttocks,
since I am due 13 infusions I approve
my decision.
They are also supervising my valium withdrawal.
They have started me on Acamprosate to reduce alcohol cravings when I get out.

I can't believe they let you keep your phone. Did you smuggle it in in your butt?

Why do you think he had to go to hospital with an impacted bowel last week?

Makes sense

Just thought I would check in and ask how everyone is?

All good over here.

life is fair n prefect for me. how r u sir?

Hit 4 years yesterday and forgot about it completely! Lol.

Happy to be sober this AM

That's a big step, but perhaps visiting bars even for food when you are trying to remain sober is not a good idea?

You need to disassociate yourself from the life you previously lived. Not to be preachy, but it's like a gambler quitting, and then rocking up at the Casino for dinner. Too many temptations.

As for the people laughing and having a good time. Are they really though?

As for me, I'm having real cravings for alcohol this evening. I will never touch it again, and I knew this would happen, but just gotta ignore and keep busy.

Just live in the Dao with purpose and moderation, man.

It can go no other way for you. You did well imo. Being indifferent but mindful (in all things) is the key.

You really think you can never fly near the sun again? Fixate on a lack of fixation, not which polarity to fixate on.

This is good tho; idle hands...

Going for walks or doing yard work really helps if I want to break a fixation (getting close to nature is key) while I meditate on whatever it is that I'm dealing with. Allowing any thoughts and external stimuli to take me to a new, more preferable headspace along the way — which is the goal.

Moderation becomes it's own joy, once you've properly exercised the muscle of willpower (after dealing with fatigue along the way, unfortunately).

You don't have to be the way you are.

Unless you do, then don't do that.

Walks and nature are massive for me. I've a lot of free time currently and stewing in my room all day then not sleeping puts me in such a crappy headspace.

I've recently got a new phone with a pedometer app, which is great as it's something I can get obsessive about that's healthy. Everyday now, rain or shine (and we've had extremes of both recently), I'm walking at least 20k steps/10 miles. I'm lucky where I live that in about 15min I can be out into fields or woods. Stick on some music/podcasts/books/or just nothing, and off I go.

Update?

I have been out for two weeks and no relapse so far.

The first day of withdrawal was horrible, even with the meds. I go into withdrawal quickly but luckily come out quickly.

After that the first two and a half day’s were spent in isolation until I had two negative COVID results, just rather dull.

After that I was pleasantly surprised by the way the unit was run.

The unit is a strictly detox, not rehab, there are no formal meetings except one case review with your care team and a half hour going through your after detox plan. Other than that you were left to your own devices, you could stay in your room if you liked or you could mingle with the other inmates. I chose the latter option.

There was a common room with an big TV and Pool table and tennis table. There was also a dart board but with magnetic darts for obvious reasons.

There were no drug rounds, but all the meds were given from a room next to the canteen at meal times, which I thought was a clever idea.

There were lot of ad-hoc discussions with the other inmates about either your histories, how you were feeling, how you were coping plans for the future etc. As with most sober alcoholics nearly all were very supportive and pleasant with each other, being with a bunch of people who “get it” made for some useful open conversations. The staff were also friendly and approachable.

I would strongly recommend this unit, particularly for those like like myself who have an inbuilt distrust of authority; things were explained to you rather than being told to you. PM me if you can get to the West Midlands of England and need a detox.(Although most of their referrals are from local NHS trusts they do take private cases, £2300 for a seven day detox.)

A few random incidents ….

There was only one unpleasant inmate, he was uncommunicative except when he was being aggressive. He had obviously smuggled some drugs in, while in prison he had also learned how to hide his Valium under his tongue so he could get completely off his head by taking a days supply at once.

The other inmates managed to convince one girl to split up with her abusive, violent boyfriend who was obviously going to try to drag her back into drink and drugs. The little **** changed all the passwords on her social media accounts after she told him, cutting off her only means of contact with her kid. Fortunately Richie has taken a bit of a shine on her, and he is a big fellow. Maybe some post detox romance?

In common with all NHS facilities the site is officially non smoking. This rule is not strictly enforced, there is a “No smoking” sign but next to it is a reminder to pick up cigarette ends, the smoking shelter is still there, the nurses will come down to the shelter to inform people if they are needed for meds etc. and will buy cigarettes for you when they go out for their lunch break.

One unfortunate incident. The group generally had a rather harsh sense of humour. One guys girlfriend was disabled and someone made a joke “Well at least you can just wheel her through the car wash when she needs a bath”. Since he was going to the mental health unit after the detox unit, and the fact that his sister had committed suicide two years before this didn’t go down well. The situation was resolved amicably the next day with mutual apologies, “Sorry mate I wouldn’t have said it if I had known”, “I know, I overreacted sorry “

The food is generally good, but I am not sure that serving toast in large heaps when it has gone cold and soggy is the way forward.

When he came to pick me up by brother noticed one guy standing by the entrance drinking his last vodka, a member of staff opened the door and said:

“Come in, we need to get started.”

Good luck everyone.

I forgot to add that when going through the later stages of withdrawal one of the nurses noticed that I was restless. “I know something that can help with that, if you agree”. He then proceeded to put five acupuncture needles into each of my ears. This did put a stop to my restlessness, mainly because I was afraid that if I moved I would catch them on something.

Congrats on the 2 weeks. Good luck.

I know we have had our differences in this thread, but I would like to say fair play to you.

We all have our own issues, but I am glad to see that you are slowly getting there.

been quite a journey…

tomorrow’s day #366

Nice work! How do you feel about your journey?