Mix of both. It’s definitely contributed to some weight gain and really hurts my goals or productivity being hungover and my brain feeling like a microwaved potato for 2 days.

Quit the first time because of legal issues. Getting into fights at parties, got a DUI. Standard drunk people stuff.

This is a bit embarrassing to say but I started drinking again because I was watching Mad Men. They were drinking all the time and I thought “I’d like to drink with them!”. Sound silly now that I think of it.

I was sober for about 6 years. Guess I thought that maybe I worked out all that “kid stuff” that made me irresponsible. I don’t get in trouble anymore but I certainly say or do embarrassing things sometimes. I can’t really deploy the discipline to stop once I start so I figure the best way to counter that is to not start.

Bourdain was not good for me.

I miss him so much

Drunk history messes me up, I love history and drinking. I had to stop watching it for a couple of years lol.

Drunk history is an awesome show.

I loved the one about Bobby Fischer.

I've made it 9 months now. Some of you may remember a few years ago I was talking about tapering down, that kind of worked for me but I probably wasn't really ready to quit at the time either so went through several periods of tapering down followed by an excuse to return to my old ways followed by more tapering.... so while I wasn't fully committed to tapering down to nothing it did gradually reduce my overall intake over time and then eventually I just decided I had enough and managed to completely stop. One weird thing that helped me was I had actually just stocked up my fridge and was intending to drink the night I stopped -- instead of pouring everything out I left it in there for over 6 months. Something about being able but choosing not to drink instead of feeling deprived by not having anything in the house seemed to empower me, I know that wouldn't work for everyone but it worked for me.

Anyways not much else to add other than I'm feeling great and plan to stick with it. When I stopped I thought it would be temporary, maybe for a few months but I feel so much better now and don't have any desire to start drinking again, although I still think about it all the time I have not had any strong urges in quite awhile now. Thanks to all who offered advice/support in the past!

I think if I had alcohol readily available I would fall into the trap of “oh just one is fine”

and then the next thing you know......

Congrats on 9 months. I relate to you. For me, being around alcohol is never enough to trigger me to drink again. When things got real rough for me my family refused to drink or have alcohol around me till I pretty much told them if they don't do their normal thing(they are all moderate but normal drinkers) I was going to lose it and not come around anymore. I appreciated their willingness to abstain for me but this was my issue, not theirs, and if being around alcohol was going to cause me to break, I was screwed and might as well go live life as a monk.

I made my wife a vodka drink last night, I make her drinks lots of nights. At first it freaked her out to have me do that, but now she gets that if I'm not able to do that and deal with my own impulses, then sooner or later, somewhere, a situation will arise and ill be back on the bottle.

I do know some guys who are several years sober who basically just avoid all situations involving alcohol. They aren't sure if they can handle it and don't want to risk it. Good for them for being proactive. Everyone is different.

I'm just about back to a year sober, my umpteenth dry spell. Somedays things are good, somedays not so much. I might read my posts in this thread and do some reflection and make a post about my feelings on the whole subject.

Hi guys, hope all are well. Lost a member of my home group this week. Early 30's dude, he had over a year, got into a very toxic relationship, disconnected from the group, and went out. After some time in a couple of institutions he came back, but never really came back. This past weekend he drank himself to death in the woods.

I've heard old-timers say "Get a black suit, you'll be going to lots of weddings and funerals." Have known a few people who succumbed, but nobody near as close as this one. Super, super sad. And scary. It's easy once you get some time to forget that for a real alcoholic this is a life/death proposition. I'm not so afraid of the death part, but of the lead up to it. I never want to feel that way again.

Hope everybody is well. Reach out when you need help and reach out when others need help. Reach out.

There but for the grace of god go I...

Really sorry to hear that LFS. I’ve lost a bunch of friends in the program but fortunately only one was out there when it happened, also drank himself to death in his 30’s.

I haven’t been a paragon of the program for these 23 years, but I feel incredibly fortunate and grateful to have never gotten so far off the beam that a drink made sense. That’s not my doing.

Hi all,
I hope all is well.
I have had a bit of a relapse after the second of my doggies died in August, I know many people will think it weak/stupid but they were the love of my Wife and my life.
I will be starting detox tomorrow morning (Librium + anti emetics + thiamine + Vitamin B12)

Good luck all

All the best man.

I had a very scary last Friday and, long story short, am honestly very lucky to be alive. Even had the paramedics ready to zap me with the defrib, thinking I was dead. Seeing my doctor on Wed. to sort some stuff out, then going to refer myself to a rehab I know some folks in the rooms have used successfully.

Still a bunch of hoops I've got to jump through (blood tests, interviews, etc) so might take a while, but I definitely need it. I've been getting far too lucky for far too long and it can't last.

I don't think an enormous attachment to a dog is weak or stupid at all. I ****ing love my dog so much and she loves me. I like to say "my dog isn't my higher power, but I'm pretty sure they know each other".

If you are an alcoholic as I understand the word, I don't believe a slip for any reason is an indication of weakness or stupidity at all. I truly believe I am powerless over alcohol. It was only when I stopped trying to use MY ideas to get well that anything changed. And for me to get to a place where I was prepared to truly rely on a power greater than myself (which can mean a wide variety of things to different people, but most importantly means NOT ME) I had to be completely beaten.

Good luck with detox. If you have not tried AA, or have and didn't like it etc, maybe now is a time to give it another look. You can always come back to where you are now if you want.

I wanted to die, or behaved as if I didn't care if I died, for a long time. I think when I got sober a big part of it was coming to a place where I wanted to live but just absolutely could not continue to live the way I had been.

Interesting paradox: my greatest fear prior to sobriety was death. When I was in second grade I didn't sleep right for like a year because I was frozen with terror that I wouldn't wake up. I shoved that fear as far down as it would go, and I think living in such a reckless fashion was definitely related to this. I absolutely hated my life but was so afraid of death. Now, I'm sober, and I don't love every second of being alive but life finally has meaning and purpose. I'm a good father, a productive member of society, and a pretty good AA. And I don't think about death at all, not the way I used to. When my life was totally empty I was so afraid of losing it, and now that it's not the idea doesn't really bother me at all. That's weird to me!

GL guys. Sorry to hear of the losses. thethethe hang in there, how has it been going?

Not an everyday visitor of OOT, this thread pulls me though. Knowing I might have been at the crossroads. You never know how much alcohol is going to mess up your life. If it hasn't already. I might have been lucky alcohol didn't mean that much to me after all. Anyhow I was kind of close (and hence naturally will continue to be).

Hope I can report a three year sobriety next year.

Hey going well thanks. Two and half weeks sober. It's normally around this time I blow up, but feeling a lot more confident at the moment (my GP switched some of my meds, which may be helping).
Basically trying to keep myself busy, getting to support groups, seeing my keyworkers, bit of exercise when I can, and consistently reminding myself to not get complacent.
Good luck with the 3 years!

Thanks. Think the complacent thing you mentioned is important. If I was complacent I might tell myself to just have one drink. And the slipping slope would be close at hand.

Came to think about how dangerous alcohol is. I have several times had half my deadly dose. That is just called being really drunk. Though for me it was maybe more about alcohol making its part for spoiling my life, it wasn't the King of everything.

Hi everybody hope all is well.

18 days sober now.

Detox went well, but to be honest for the two weeks before I had basically been drinking to stop the withdrawal symptoms so it was a relief not to have to drink
.

I have joined SMART online, thinking about in person groups like AA.

The guy who supervised the withdrawal (by phone) is an ex alcoholic and one of the things he that said really struck home with me was about the need to relax without alcohol. I have been fine keeping myself busy, the problem being that at the moment I find myself keeping myself busy all the time, so I end up doing stuff until 2 or 3 in the morning until I am so tired that I fall asleep.This is not a huge problem at the moment, but I do need to adjust to a more normal sleep schedule. I also want to start working again, there is no urgency about this but my work has always been hugely satisfying to me, it is an ego thing -
I am very good at my job, the work can be very stressful (38 hours straight was my longest shift) and I can cope and think the job through better than almost anybody I have ever worked with.

Luckily one of the things that I have found to do is playing what is probably the softest poker game in the history of online poker.*

The best news comes last. Yesterday I adopted a rescue dog. He is the usual Ridgeback/Poodle/Beagle cross. I think that he would be in the running for the title of the worlds most affectionate dog. The only problem that I have had with him so far is that he must have felt lonely in the night, so decided to come and lie on top of me, but he only weighs 90 pounds so no big deal.

One other thing that I have noticed is that I have developed a tendency to go on too long so I will sign off now.

Good luck all

*You chaps have been a great help to me, but I am not going to tell you the site name:

Checking in for an update.

I'm over three years clean and sober myself. Been through a lot of tragedy the last three month's--mom died, friend in the program committed suicide, cousin OD'd, and just lost an uncle yesterday. I just do it one day at a time. When times are at their worst, it's one task at a time.

Yup. Take the next right indicated action. Sometimes I think I'm being served a **** sandwich specifically to remind me that I'm not God. I forget that easily! Sorry for your run of trouble. My road has been pretty bumpy lately as well. Thank God I'm sober for it, who knows what I would've burned down by now if I wasn't. When I meditate and pray (if that word bothers anybody, think of it as "consulting the inner voice") on the stuff going on in my life, the answer I get is always always: love and service. Who and how can I love in this situation? How can I be of service? That approach hasn't failed me yet.

I hit seven years on Friday. Which means in November this thread turned TEN years old. That. Is. Some. Crazy. ****.

Life got busy this year and I started to miss meetings. Every story I've ever heard of somebody who had some time and then went back out starts with "I got busy, thought I had it under control, and started missing meetings." So I've made the effort and added a meeting at a time I know I can always make it (8:15AM Sunday) and to hit random meetings whenever I have the opportunity. It's really not that hard. If I put 1/100th of the effort into making meetings that I put into drinking and doing drugs, I won't go long without a meeting, that's for sure.

This thread is pretty incredible IMO. At least for me it is. I can very easily forget how far I've come and how much I've changed, but it's all in this thread in gory detail. I'm grateful to all who have participated and especially those who have given me an opportunity to be of service. So if anybody is reading this and wants to talk this **** through with somebody, PM me. It's probably my life you'd be saving.

Thanks, LFS. Always good to know when someone has some understanding that there is no problem a drink won't make worse.

And congrats on ten years. Nice start, yukyuk.

I've been slacking on meeting since the summer. I'm a teacher and work was rough, then the **** hit the fan. When I've needed meetings most, I've neglected them. I'm around once a week, but in hindsight, 3-5 would better meet my needs. I never make New Years resolutions, but I had a rule when I got sober that I wouldn't go 48 hours without a meeting. 90 in 90 is too big for me. The 48 hour thing is more concise and doable. I found myself making the time for it like I did to drink and drug, as you noted.

Good going, LFS. Oot always seemed to be like the last place in the world to find a sobriety thread but also a place that probably needs it way more than others.

And congrats on your own 7 years. I have a month more to 3 years myself. Not an AA person at all, got sober posting on an internet forum website in fact, go figure. Like I said earlier in this thread, literally the best decision I ever made.

Anybody out there who's tired of being a drunk, or just tired of some out-of-control drinking, you don't have to play that game anymore. There's a better way to live that's right there for the taking.

Updates? Hope you have been doing well.

Checking in (former poster on this board)


Heading to an AA meeting in 10 minutes

Hope the meeting was good.

Once a month I take a meeting into an LA County jail. It never fails to bring me gratitude. Last night one of the attendees - first meeting ever for him - said that he thought his life was going to change because of what he heard. There'll always be a part of me that's skeptical when somebody says something like that, but I now know that while it's not guaranteed, it's possible. And whether or not that guy gets sober, I know for sure it puts wind in my sails.