My meditation teacher has talked before about the three primal drives, being power/dominance (frequently expressed as money in our culture), survival (frequently expressed as food) and sex. He says that typically everyone has one of those three that they fixate on and that drives them much more than the others. For me it's sex, so an addiction to eating, or to work/working out (both attractive as an expression of power/dominance/success), or to anything money related (gambling, shopping), none of that is ever happening. It's just not what pushes my buttons. Sex on the other hand, I'm not in a life situation where it matters, but I could definitely see getting into trouble if I was.

That’s interesting, I’ve never thought about it simplified terms like that (3 drives).

I’m coming up on another year sober and I can’t help but reflect.

I see it so clearly now, that I just never liked myself. I went through my entire life looking for validation, in so many different forms, to try to feed my ego, which was of course insatiable. The drugs and alcohol were of course the chemical component, but for me (I certainly don’t want to speak for everyone but this is just so crucial for me) the REAL problem was that I just had this chip on my shoulder - never liked myself, compared everyone, resented others without even knowing it because I automatically felt that everyone was better than me, and just generally never feeling good enough.

I don’t know where it started, have no idea really. My parents were a little cold but definitely told me they loved me and all that jazz.

Either way, I am so thankful to the people in my life and to my higher power, whatever it is, that I just stayed along long enough to get sober. Because now I get to address that stuff I ran from for 36 years, look myself in the mirror, and like what I see.

Through all the ups and downs of struggling to just live a sober life, that gift alone easily makes it worth it.

Good luck all

For the first time in two years I have been referred for a blood test that doesn’t include a liver function test! ��

Ok I know I am setting a low bar here but it’s the best I can do at the moment

Congrats! I'm not hugely keen on AA, but it's 'progress, not perfection'.

Alcohol is poison and should be consumed at most once per week for celebratory purposes in my humble opinion. Best of luck to anyone trying to quit and anyone still using it regularly I advise trying to ween yourself off it or cutting down your use. If you want to get intoxicated just use a strain of marijuana that agrees with you.

Really interesting post sounds like you know your addictive tendencies really well. I am addicted to two things mainly: procrastination sometimes involving binge eating masturbation tv/movies and marijuana, and putting myself in adventurous situations or making myself the center of attention in a way that may be unwise.

Today is officially or unofficially my 6 months of sobriety. My app has it at 180 days, so if I count months as 30 days, that means it today. If I go to the day of the month I stopped 6 months later I still have a few more days to go. Either way, the post is bumped so I'll post.

I've had a few instances where it sounded like a good idea to drink, but I never got closer than thinking about it for 15-30 minutes. I have a Vegas trip coming up in June that I have penciled in as a possibility to start drinking again, so that might be keeping me sober by having that carrot out there. The last few days I've been sick and its felt party like a really bad hangover and has reminded me how much fun that isn't, so I am definitely not a lock to drink in June.

I have started to look down on people who drink now, seeing them as weak. For example in Feb we went out with my parents and brother for my brother's bday and my Dad and brother got a beer and my Dad took his first drink and made this loud satisfied sigh and commented on how amazing it tastes. And yes he is all too familiar with my struggles, but he just can't help himself.

As for my program, there are no meetings, just listening to podcasts 3-5 days a week. I usually only do it during a walk at night, while during the first month I was making sure I listened to at least an hour a day.

I definately feel healthier and am exercising more, but haven't lost as much weight as I would expect because I am treating myself to high calorie drinks and desserts much more than I would when drinking.

I think you are right in that losing weight doesn't automatically happen when quitting. But a clearer mind enables things.

I haven’t actually lost any weight, but constantly get comments about looking better/slimmer/etc.

We had a guy in my regular meeting relapse after 8 years. That **** is really scary.

Congratulations that_pope! Now that you’ve kicked I wouldn’t recommend ever risking trying it again

Bro, you quit for a reason. It's probably not a good idea to reward your sobriety by taking up drinking again. I think you'll likely find yourself back to where you were in a short period of time. Congrats on the 6 months.

Just trying to be honest and putting it out there how I am feeling, I know it isn't a good idea, or even a logical idea.

I quit for almost two years. Started again a few months ago. It's very person dependent. I was a multiple shot/beer a day guy and now I'm a few beers once a week guy. For me it was kicking the habit of the after work bar stop where they'd have a shot and a beer waiting for me. The only time I drink heavily now is on vacation when I don't have to drive and I still only drink beer then. No more shots for this guy.

GL not letting it escalate. But if it does, your next quitting drinking may be the final?

I'm frankly too old for experimenting anymore. Any avoidable beating of the body (including the brain) is welcome.

The longer I'm without, the less relevant getting alcohol seems. Could change after the first drink.

Re pope quitting for 6 months and then trying out special occasion drinking again: From what I've seen of similar situations, some drinkers reach a point where, when they go back, they'll be ok for awhile, weeks or maybe even months, but the old habit trails in the brain get firing again and alcohol starts taking over their thoughts. The classic question "Should I drink today?" goes from a slam-dunk "no way, next question" to "I'm not sure, maybe." And that can be a slippery slope to be on, given the tenacity of our brains and the connections alcohol gets in there.

Not saying that's what's gonna happen, but that's a common scenario after long periods of abstinence. Keep in mind that's drawn from my experience posting and reading on an anti-drinking sobriety website.

“Once an addict always an addict” as the expression goes so I think it’s really promising you’re smart enough to realize there’s a good chance you’ll relapse

This is all really accurate 99% of the time imo

Every time I’ve relapsed after a period of sobriety it was either balls to the wall right off the bat or I would start by having a couple glasses of wine a night. But no matter how it started, within a week or two it was back to full time hell.

From an addiction standpoint, once your brain is wired that way there is no rewiring it. I do know one guy who used to be a bad alcoholic who now sticks to a couple beers here or there, but he says it’s prob more trouble than it’s worth because he’s just thinking the whole time about how he wants more but can’t.

Thanks for all the feedback everyone.

Yes, I could also control the drinking, but it wasn't worth it in the long run. Better just pass it to history, and forget. The alcohol will at least not be there to refresh the memory. It's slowly becoming something that simply doesn't belong to me.

In my opinion and experience, if somebody really wonders if they're an alcoholic / if they can ever drink normally, they're going to give it a shot. And that's probably good/fine. I personally needed, imo, to be at the lowest depths of my despair (good lord I hope those were the lowest depths...) to become willing to do the things that keep me completely sober and relatively sane. If I thought I had anything left in the tank, I'd still be out there. Believe me I tried. If I thought I had any other good choices I would have never done this, I think few people would.

The concern, obviously, is that somebody who's still figuring it out runs the risk of doing real damage to themselves or someone else. As I've seen in AA and even in this thread, sometimes people literally don't make it back.

You can only do so much, both for yourself and others. Trying to connect in a positive way.

Congrats on 6 months! I think the bolded can be a dangerous line of thinking. I feel like looking down on your dad for this is probably more of a feeling of resentment that he can drink, while you cannot. Drinking while you are in Vegas is, well, entirely up to you. You have to decide for yourself. I think you realize no one is going to tell you its a good idea.

I posted in this thread about 1 1/2 years ago 10 months sober. I then relapsed at about a year and things got bad. Screwed up a lot of stuff in my life, went to the hospital in withdrawals for the first time, then went again a month later, then went to detox a month or so after that. I have been sober again for about 8 months.

I am trying to work the steps, get my life together, seeing a psychologist, and working with my family(who have been unwavering in their support since they found out). My wife has been amazing in continuing support as well.

Sometimes I just feel destined to be a drunk. All the good things happening in my life right now and I still often daydream about a bender. Its a weird feeling driving in your nice car with your amazing wife to a nice dinner with friends you genuinely like, and looking out the window and feeling truly jealous of the homeless guy on the side of the road cause hes got 2 40s with him.

Theres a quote from True Detective that seems en-grained in my mind "There's nothing I can do about it. Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, but... I'm gonna have a drink." That seems to be my general mindset, no matter how hard I am working to change it.

Not sure if you've read it, but this is a very close echo of what Russell Brand wrote in his piece about addiction:

Also, that_pope, big congrats on 6 months. I agree with Sideline that looking down on people who drink is unhealthy, especially in the same post where you say you're considering drinking in Vegas. If people who drink are weak, why don't you just stay sober? (I'm not saying "don't drink in Vegas", it's up to you, I'm just pointing out the contradiction). That said, it's kind of dickish of your dad to make a big show of how great his beer is in front of someone he knows has quit.