Go for it!

The payoff increases to huge proportions as time goes by.

Reading that OP is such a trip. I'm so lucky I made this thread when I did, so I can see how my mind worked back then.

The things that really popped out at me on this reading of it:

Attempting to rely entirely on myself is still one of my biggest problems, and it's interesting I thought that was what made a "man". Believing that I cannot and should not ask anyone for anything is such a recipe for disaster for me.

That's in the same "self reliance" area, and it almost killed me, literally.

I revisited the start of the thread recently as well and gave this a wry smile:

No problems with sobriety, everyone's solid.

Mostly grunching with this post. Went cold turkey about 5 months ago and haven't touched a drop since. I don't want to say something dumb like: "If I can do it, so can you!" But maybe consider me as a bit of proof that it's possible to quit.

I was drinking way too heavily for way too long and had a few half-hearted attempts to reduce consumption or quit completely. I can't say what finally did it. All I can say is that it got easier after a few weeks when the cravings went away. Currently, I don't feel any compulsion to drink whether it's out of desire or habit.

Nowadays I feel much healthier physically. Not having to deal with hangovers and vomiting is great. I'm also saving a ton of money.

It's not only the quitting and the benefits that brings. But it's opening new doors.

Just finishing this after hearing about it here. I highly recommend it to anyone to read, regardless of their issues with drink or not.

It's a fascinating book, and has definitely had an effect on me, not only not drinking, but also trying to build up the more positive life that I want. As is often said - Quitting drinking is the easy part.

^^I'm glad to hear it! The book has also been helping me get to the gym.

How’s it going?

Thanks for asking, sorry for not responding quicker. A day or two over a month sober at this point.

Things have been pretty normal. No strong temptations recently, but tomorrow is a real tailgate, not like that fake one a few weeks ago that got cancelled. The game is at 1pm, so I'll get down there around 10am. My wife and 5 year old will be down there shortly after, and again I told 4 of the guys so I won't be drinking. And we already went to the game a few weeks ago and it wasn't too awkward.

The first month I have been really giving into sweets and junk food. Usually I have like 1-2 sodas a week, now I am either having a soda or a sugary coffee in the afternoons to a) reward myself and b) curb any temptations. My largest craving for alcohol seems to come in the late afternoon near the end of work or the drive home when I am getting hungry. So keep my stomach full has been an easy way to avoid it.

I have also been walking for 20-30 minutes almost every night, didn't get to tonight because my wife is a bit sick and went to bed at like 8:30, shortly after our oldest went to bed. I focused on not drinking and keeping myself happy with treats as rewards in October, now in November I need to make exercising a bigger focus. Sure the walking after the kids are in bed is great and helps clear my mind, and I've gone biking a half dozen times for the same duration, but I really need to start running again.

So in conclusion, everything is going well so far, and I am hopeful for the days and weeks to come.

pope,

You got this on the tailgate. Discipline, baby.

I know this is an attempt to be helpful so I don't want this to seem like I'm picking on it or being a dick but I just want to post this: lesson one of dealing with an addiction is that you don't got this when it comes to not doing it. That's why AA requires the symbolic step of handing control over your addiction to a "higher power", and whether you go AA or not you need the same step one of realizing that letting your ego be in charge and willpowering through things is doomed to failure. that_pope definitely seems to understand this in regards to managing his behaviour by having some calories in the afternoon etc.

The gold standard for avoiding problematic behaviour is obviously to not put yourself in the situation, but for something like the tailgating where you can't do that, I'd prescribe mindfulness. It's normal to feel emotions like disappointment or sadness that you can't be part of a thing you used to enjoy. Keep tabs on how you feel and acknowledge it to yourself explicitly, like literally think "I'm sad that I can't have some beers, but that's OK". If negative emotions aren't acknowledged and allowed to play out, the ego becomes frustrated, petulant, angry, resentful - and while you can win a few battles against that, you'll lose the war.

Speaking of, I am cranky as hell this evening (no real reason, just everything pissing me off today) and would really like to get a bottle of wine and tip it down my throat, but I'm going to go for a night time hike instead. Sitting at home all evening would be a bad idea. Hike, early night, avoid situation. My ego is convinced the hike will not help, but on another level I know from experience that it is full of **** on this subject.

BUT I DON'T WANT TO!

Attempting to not feel emotions is a big part of my really excellent life plan. And that's true whether I'm sober or not. It doesn't work well! As I mentioned earlier, I've got some stuff going on that's legitimately troubling. My attempts to not be angry, sad, disappointed, or afraid in the face of this stuff just make things worse. Something happens that upsets me, and then I get upset that I'm upset, and I'm off to the races (or actually I just burrow deeper into isolation).

Learning to give yourself permission to feel however you're feeling is a nice skill. Note that this doesn't give one permission to ACT on these feelings, especially in any sort of a damaging way. My feelings are not facts, but if I'm really expecting myself to not have any negative feelings ever, I'm in a load of trouble.

Thanks for the post Chris. One of the podcasts I listen to, probably my favorite is called Recovery Elevator. One of the things he says very often is that one of the most dangerous words an alcoholic can say is 'I got this'. In other words, 'I've been sober X days/months/years, I'm clearly not an alcoholic'. Obviously I think 27offsuit was being encouraging, but once you let your guard down is when you get back into old habits.

A few other things I've heard on that podcast that spoke to me include:
-"You'll never regret not drinking yesterday." This is so true, and my wife said she uses this to help herself exercise. I remember even when I had no qualms about my drinking, there were times I would drift to sleep after a beer or two in bed with my wife, where half the time I would get up and drink more after she was asleep and other times I would just fall fast asleep. The next morning of those days when I fell asleep, I was actually happy I didn't drink. Strange.
-When he was in early recovery and at an AA meeting, a speaker was saying 'Why me, why am I here'. And obviously the guy listening agreed and figured he was talking about why are we the ones who became alcoholics. But he continues on and says 'Why am I one of the lucky ones who was able to get this addiction under control and not one of the unlucky ones in jail, homeless, or dead'. Be grateful for your recovery.

That's all for now.

Good points. Even if I kept my drinking under "control" volume vise, the effort that needed must tell a story. After the one year without, the thoughts are sneaking in: how about some? Can I still have the "benefits" without the downsides? The answer is I can't afford to even try that nerve poison.

It is big deal. One thing that is for me highly therapeutic in my blog is that I can show all, also negative, emotional peaks there. In RL it would have a lot of negative consequences. To find a space, be it AA or friends or like in my case an online blog, where you can live it out and rant and be angry and furious and REALLY pissed- off and mean is essential for mental well- being.

Since it is halftime of the Rams/Chiefs game, thought I might as well post an update.

Approaching 50 days sober, I think tomorrow will be the start of day 50. Both tailgates went fine, no real thoughts of drinking. Going slightly later to them than normal, but other than that, haven't really changed much other than being more helpful around the tailgate by watching/playing with some of the kids and picking up when the tailgate is over.

I don't think I've had any close calls. We've had a couple beers in the fridge that my wife said a month ago she was going to take into her work for their 'spirit' hour they have on Thursday night but never did. I've had a passing inkling to drink a few times, but never even gotten to the point of driving a different route that would be an option to get alcohol.

So in summation, everything is going good. Forever just seems like a long time.

Yes, it is. It's been said earlier in the thread, but I can't stay sober for the rest of my life today. I can only stay sober today, today.

I think this line of thinking leads into why I needed to change, aside from just not drinking. The same me from before I got sober, just abstaining and grinding out one 24-hour period at a time, is going to eventually drink, use, or do harm to myself or someone else.

Nice work!

As you mention it, we have an unopened 40ml cognac bottle in a kitchen dresser, saw it again yesterday when going through the contents. Last time I asked, don't know how long ago, I didn't get the permission to throw it away, even if we both know now I will not have anything with it in it. It was supposed to be in some kind of food that didn't materialize a year ago when I quit. I don't buy that all the alcohol evaporates when making the food. Not a big deal, but think I'll ask again. Luckily I don't feel any bigger urge to have it. Some non-alcoholic wine may work in the food instead.

Edit: already got rid of the garbage, will not push my luck! My history earlier on after all was to drink whatever was at home, naturally "controlling"

^^ fwiw you are correct - alcohol evaporates when cooking very, very slowly. It doesn’t “cook off” like people think it does. As an alcoholic chef, it was imperative for me to find out

Seems like a good time for a reminder that this thread is for people whose lives have been negatively impacted by alcohol or alcoholism or addiction in general. It is to be a supportive place.

Happy Thanksgiving everybody. Holidays and family can be incredibly stressful. Personally, I don't have any stress or problem I can't make worse by drinking or using. I try to lean into the tools I've learned from sobriety - meditation, meetings, calling friends, etc.

Wasn't going to reply. Happy Thanksgiving!

Hi all
Just checking in to see everybody is ok.
I have realized that I have not contributed much to this thread except to say how bad I am feeling.
The only thing that I can contribute is to say TALK TO SOMEONE,people are more accepting and kind than you think.
Xmas is going to be a difficult time for a lot of us drunks, good luck everyone

Good bump!

The period of pain I went through forced me to lean hard on my program and I am very much the better for it. Right now I'm where I want to be - accepting the things I can't change (the world, other people) and working on changing the thing I can (me) and focusing on being of service to others. It sure ain't easy, but it's a HUGE relief to remember that if I had the goods to solve everything I imagine to be a problem on my own, I wouldn't be having this conversation.

I am still sober. Think I am at day 68 or something.

Got through Thanksgiving, tailgate season, a few birthdays, and a few holiday parties where alcohol is very readily available.

Next up is my birthday, Christmas, and New Years.

The holiday parties I've just had a passing glance, never a strong desire. My wife's one was annoying because they had so much nice craft beer there, and the only person who would even have an inkling of my issues was my wife herself, unless she told someone which I doubt.

I ate a ton during the dinner, which filled me up and took away any hunger for alcohol. And then the rest of the time since I don't know people well I MCed the white elephant gift exchange and helped the Admin clean up the place and take out garbage since it was held at their office.

I think you will be able to just put the alcohol thing behind you. It's clearly overhyped in the society. Sick when thinking about it.

GL!