The story could have been funny. But it read like a legal brief.

Howard,

I'm trying to be unbiased, but that was just not good. You could have maybe pulled it out of the dumpster fire with a "Ray, I am walking a mile in your shoes right now.", but "you are not a moral person" just doesn't deliver. Sorry buddy.

Should’ve gone with jerk store.

Well, it played out that way in reality. I wanted him to figure out I had his shoes, and I thought the best way to do so was by sending him a judgmental message from a ways away. He got the point that i’d implemented the motto right away.

Explaining isn't helping.

Rule #1 of stories: never let the truth get in the way of a good story.

29-43

Roko's Basilisk will be easily avoided because the brain will be hacked into and exploited long before sentient hyper bots destroy us. Perhaps you are not that funny, but at least you are now smarter. (Sorry to spoonfeed.)
Love, Tuma.

Easy to see that this was amusing in person, maybe even highly comical, but it loses quite a bit in the retelling. ED, have you decided what your appetizers are going to be yet?

I like it.

It’s now official. El D wins this one. Sadness rules about 1/3 of the land.

Shock

TWO appetizers, not one. Nice try.

lolfakelawyeraments

What kind of absolute vulgarian takes their shoes off in a work meeting?

I think a fair number of people do and most people never ever notice.

Nope

Howard's shoe habits are weirder than all the other weird things (OOT politarding, Ray pronunciation, rep defending, etc) he does.

I guess if you are working in the grape stomping industry...

What does the meaningful look on Tony’s face reflect?

cliffs on the comical part?

Sak,


I see some appetizers in your future!

Dude stole my motto. Managed to implement said motto against said dude a year later.

DOGS - I felt bad for you so I fixed your story, cutting out unnecessary parts, assigning better names to the participants, and improving the overall flow:


Many years ago, I was forced to attend a small conference out in the middle of Bavaria with work colleagues from around the world. As part of the conference, we were asked to fill out a professional profile. Strangely, the profile asked each of us for our motto. I don't know about the rest of you, but I don't wear blazer jackets with House Treesong crests, and I certainly don't have a motto.

I figured that most of my colleagues would either ignore the request and leave it blank, or insert some cliche like "carpe diem" or some similar tripe. I figured I'd make even more of a joke out of it and I submitted this: "Before you judge a man, walk a mile in his shoes. That way, when you judge him, you're a mile away and you have his shoes. -- Jack Handy" I assumed that I might draw a slight smirk from someone, but in all likelihood, my attempt would be ignored.

It proved to be so. All of the profiles were consolidated in a booklet that nobody read. Nobody mentioned anything to me, and that was that.

Fast forward ten months later. I'm at a different and much larger conference in lolGermany. I'm drinking an espresso with a colleague, Ray. We're in a reception hall, and posted on the walls are profiles on each and every one of the hundred or so conference participants, including the profile I'd filled out for the prior conference.

While we were peacefully drinking our espressos, another colleague, Leon, strides up purposefully to us. I know Leon pretty well. We've worked closely on a couple of issues before. Before I can say even a word of greeting, Leon yells: "You two! You guys are ****ing *******s!" I know Leon well enough to know there's something going on. I respond: "Obviously, but what I have I done today to deserve that observation?"

Leon looks at me. He turns and looks at Ray. After a dramatic pause, he says "You two idiots have the SAME MOTTO!"

Ray immediately blushes. It takes me about ten seconds to realize that he was one of the attendees at the prior conference and that dude has stolen my motto.

I relay this anecdote to my boss as well as several people in my group that worked for me at the time, and I relentlessly bust Ray's chops about it when I can.

Fast forward a year. Ray and I and three others are in a tense and lengthy meeting in a conference room down the hall from my office. Of the five of us, four know about the motto theft. Someone on the other side of the table is pontificating about something, and I happen to look down. What do I see? Ray, who is sitting next to me, has slipped off his shoes! They are now right next to my feet. I gently slide them over my way, and put them in my backpack. I wait a minute, look at my blackberry, and say "excuse me for a moment. I need to take a short phone call. I'll be right back."

I knew I needed to get at least a mile away before emailing Ray and CCing my three other colleagues the word "Guilty!", so after quickly exiting the office I whistled for a cab and when it came near the license plate said fresh and it had dice in the mirror. If anything I could say that this cab was rare but I thought 'Nah, forget it' - 'Yo, homes to Bel Air'

Nice ninja edit there, chop, after confusing Leon for Ray. No doubt it’s because Ray didn’t pronounce his name right.

The "not a moral person" line wasn't good, but the rest was. A good line there would have been legendary.