Some years back, I was compelled to attend a work conference out in the middle of Bavaria somewhere with colleagues in my specific area from around the world -- about thirty of us. As part of the conference, each of us was asked to fill out a professional profile summarizing our education, work experience, expertise, and hobbies. Somewhat oddly, the profile asked each of us to articulate our motto. I don't know about the rest of you, but I don't wear blazer jackets with crests, my house doesn't have a name, and I certainly don't have a motto.

I was initially at something of a loss. But after thinking about for a bit, I figured that most of my colleagues would either ignore the request and leave it blank, or insert some cliche like "carpe diem" or some similar silliness. Neither option appealed to me. So I figured I'd make a joke out of it, and, giving credit to the creator of the saying, I submitted this: "Before you judge a man, walk a mile in his shoes. That way, when you judge him, you're a mile away and you have his shoes. -- Jack Handy" At the time, I assumed that at most, I might draw a slight smirk from someone, but in all likelihood, my amusement would be ignored.

So it proved to be so. At that conference, all of our profiles were put together in a booklet that, insofar as I could tell, nobody read. Nobody mentioned my motto to me, and I assumed it fell onto the scrap heap of history.

Fast forward to ten months later. I'm at a different and much larger conference in Germany. We're on a break from a three-hour lecture session, and I'm standing drinking an espresso with a German colleague who we'll call Felix. We're in a reception hall outside the lecture area, and posted on the walls of the room are profiles on each and every one of the hundred or so conference participants, including the profile I'd filled out for the prior conference the year before.

Felix and I are peacefully drinking our espressos when another colleague, who we'll call Fabio, strides up purposefully to us. I know Fabio pretty well: we've worked closely on a couple of issues emanating from Brazil, where he's from. Before I can say even a word of greeting, Fabio hits us with: "You two! You guys are f-u-c-k-i-n-g a-s-s-h-o-l-e-s!" I know Fabio well enough to know there's something going on, and I don't take insult. I respond: "Stipulated. But just out of curiousity, what I have I done today to deserve that observation?"

Fabio looks at me. He turns and looks at Felix. He then gives us a solid dramatic pause, and says "You two idiots have the SAME MOTTO!"

Felix immediately blushes. It takes me about ten seconds to realize that Felix was one of the attendees at the prior conference and that the guy has stolen my motto.

That's fairly amusing, as far as it goes. But that's not the end of the story. Child that I am, I tell this anecdote to a number of people, including my boss at the time and several people in my group that worked for me at the time, and I relentlessly bust Felix's chops about it when I can.

Fast forward another year. Felix and I and three others are in a tense and lengthy meeting in a conference room down the hall from my office. The five of us, four of whom know about the motto theft, are one side of the table. Someone on the other side of the table is pontificating about something, and I happen to look down. What do I see? Felix, who is sitting next to me in the meeting, has slipped off his shoes, which are now right next to my right foot. I gently slide them over my way, reach down, and put Felix's shoes into my backpack. I then wait a minute, look at my blackberry, and say "excuse me for a moment, please continue. But I need to take a short phone call. I'll be right back." I walk back to my office, fire up my email, and write the following note to Felix and my three other colleagues: "Felix, you're not a moral person."

Yep, it's true. I wasn't a mile away, only a hundred feet. But I had his damned shoes!

You should have waited until morning. I'm very sleepy and will be a tough audience. We'll see..

I guess you had to be there... Buy the man his chicken fingers

Honestly, I didn't even exhale through my nose loudly.

Maybe another fake lawyer might understand tho. I call LKJ to the stand.

Is there not an option for 'moderately comical?' Because that's what I'd vote for.

I wanted to find judgment in favour of Ray's story; unfortunately, I found the claim of 'highly comical' to be without basis in fact.

Judge Leon orders Treesong to pay bar costs to Diablo.

Ship to El D.

Bet is a push if "highly" is not stipulated.

- anonymous voting
- "TL DNR"
- less than a mile
- said two appetizers, but put single appetizer in the actual contract

you're making it really tough to be on #teamhoward

It's a good anecdote, but doesn't fall into the 'highly comical' by a country mile.

I wish. You were right about the talk less part.

Had to vote "bastard" in order to not vote against HT.

Ship it to El D

SMH. Children!

It's a funny story.

Should have gone with "Burn and turn."

DOGS - be honest, is the reason you made the poll anonymous so that you could vote against yourself, since you know in your heart that the story isn't highly comical?






also:

Heartily guffawed

you made me chortle, but it was from a place of pity

I cant wait for the dentist to steal your shoes.

I wrote single app but will pay two, of course, in the event that I lose. That certainly looks likely from the comments so far.

I mentioned 2p2 to the dentist. Probability is low, but there is an outside chance he will read this thread.

Howard,

I really wanted to be on your side.

"Guess you had to be there" is exactly right imo.

Enjoy your food El D.

As a current denizen of corporate America, I think this is hilarious on many levels. If you've been there, you get it. If you haven't, you never will.

I found it amusing that the guy would blatantly steal something so trivial as a joke motto. That part of it was straight out of Dilbert. And the fact that I had a later opportunity to nail him on it was outright funny IMO. Back in the conference room, he got my email at the same time as the other three. Those three looked at Felix quizzically until he realized that his shoes weren’t there and he started laughing hysterically. They broke the meeting to come down to my office and laugh about it.

Honestly I thought the story got less comical as it moved along.

Meh....the bit about him stealing your motto was a little funny I guess