i wonder if tak has been feeling the taste for any A1 snow lately

Def not true. Most 18 year olds are in college, whether living there or at home. They do not automatically become independent and self-sufficient at 18.

As far as helping a grown-up child in trouble, I would guess that varies from parent to parent. I've always told my child that no matter what, I will ALWAYS be his greatest support and I meant no matter what. I remember telling him "even if you kill someone" and it's true, but probably because he'd never kill someone.

No.

The parent probably should but older parents tend to want to hold onto their homes, where they're comfortable. Also, nor should they have to. Adult kids that are no longer in school should be able to provide shelter for themselves.

Would I personally do that for my son? Sell my home to give him shelter? I guess if I had to, but I've spent the last 19 years investing my time and effort to grow a smart, kind and self-sufficient man who will not need his mama to provide for him.

That's the exact point. But a line should be drawn somewhere between a kid who has 'first world problems' but can survive and a kid who can't provide for him/herself partly because of dysfunctional upbringing (the latter is not your case).

I'm in my late 20's and have been living on my own for 8 years now. But, up until recently, my millennial peers mostly lived at home. A lot of them are only just now venturing out.

Seems pretty standard now. Who knows what this current young generation will do, I guess it depends a lot on the economy. For my generation, we graduated during the recession.

I ****ing hated living at home. Most of my peers don't seem to mind it. I never, ever liked it. I don't like people keeping track of my comings and goings, and I like being able to do whatever the **** I want in MY house.

That was just a small sample of babs' prowess. Microbob deleted years of documented results.

Yes, I get what you mean and my intention isn't to seem like a biatch, but I may seem that way when I make this point.

Everyone has some sort of dysfunctional up-bringing. Yes some are worse than others. You have to get to a point in adulthood when the blaming (of parents or whoever) stops so the healing and fixing can begin. You need to fix yourself. Mama ain't never gonna do it so stop barking up the wrong tree.

If I fix her first, it will be easier to fix myself too.

I'm sure she feels the same way about you.

The problem with expecting parents to give up a house is that their future planning probably involves expecting a paid off mortgage and comfort after that.

This is a valid point if the parents have any debt left yet (I do realize that this is the case for most American families).

The tboss stuff was so bad. Sexy new girlfriend Tak was a lot more entertaining.

I enjoyed the tboss stuff. It was him at his most weak and real.

The main TheBayAreaBeast containment thread must be this, I'll probably read it later.

I still think that she was the one who started the war. I unofficially blame her for extorting apartment equity from me (which was my father's intestate estate and to which I'd normally be entitled - I'll spare you of the legal details) which would be now worth at least $35K (and had similar purchasing power at that time), an amount that would allow me to maintain myself indefinitely in the developing world. I had neither the nerve nor the means to tape the talks with her and my elder brother and lawyer up against them so they got away unpunished. She's willing to eventually give that amount back to me but trying to use her possessions to manipulate me into living the way she wants.

Bluff?

not gonna happen

If it doesn't happen, then she'll die alone because her other son is fed up with her control freakiness too.

Focus on yourself. Focus on truly cutting the cord, that includes not having any feelings like "she owes me" neither money, no feelings, no certain behavior. Deal with YOUR issues. One of the aspects of this is taking responsibility for them now, even if they are caused by the parents. It is hard, but totally worth it. See how JM does it.

and this
Or like formulated here: it is your choice what you make with hurt you have been through. Choose wisdom. Don't live in this hurt and sorrow but live in wisdom that results from it.
[/QUOTE]

edit: a very freeing aspect of realizing that your mom doesn't owe your anything is the realization, that you too have no obligations beyond legal towards her. You don't have to live like she expects you to live, you don't have to love her, you don't have to hate her, you don't have to support her financially.

Did he claim he invented the question mark?

We've played this game before.

I didn't realize he made the same post verbatim tho.

I'm quite capable of surviving on my own, however, the restoration of justice would put a firmer foundation under my future life without attachment to my mother. The wait won't be long - if I fail to settle the case with her within this year, then I'll abandon her altogether.

I tried to pretend to myself that she owes me nothing, but then I realized that believing in it would be a very expensive decision to make, worth an entire livelihood, a decision between being alive and being twice as alive, so to speak.

Actually, my brother is a self-made man (though he lived with the mother until 28 and again at 31-36), however, it hasn't done him any good - he ended up marrying a narcissistic woman (maybe because she reminds him of me or our maternal granny, idk) who's now sucking the life force out of him. About half his hair had gone gray before he turned 40.

Rep did bring up a fair point about the lack of mention of the unrequited loves. I'm going to have to work on a version 2.0.

This story was the first one where I learned about TBAB - it came up when I was searching for posts about dealing with tenants. Thanks for prompting me to read that story to the end before any other TBAB story.

co.on,

Are you saying you want your mom to sell her place and get someplace cheaper so that she can give you money? That she "owes" it to you? That's f'ed up, man.

Nope, she already owns another place that's now her primary residence that she's more comfortable with. She'd be able to rent her secondary residence out but I can exploit a loophole in the Russian law* that gives me and my brother the lifetime right to occupy at least one room each at the property until we forfeit it voluntarily. That said, I even doubt that she'd allow me to rent the vacant rooms out and give her most of the earnings from this.

A mutually satisfactory deal would be to sell her secondary and split the money between the three of us in the 25/25/50% proportion in her favor, which I've been pushing for and which would make everyone involved happy.

It could be done by means of me renting somewhere temporarily for my own money, us selling or throwing out everything from her secondary, selling the place and then purchasing one for me with my 25%.

But guess what, my mother wants me to never rent, buy an apartment (which I've done), move there (which I haven't done because I'm yet to earn a few K$ for the decoration**), so that the furniture (incl. Soviet closets, lol) is saved and I don't need new one.

That sounded good in theory but has led to a stalemate because I'm not productive enough while my brother spends all his earnings on his high-maintenance family.

I've told them the fake news that I'll be moving in early September but I might need to embarrassingly put that date off even further.

* 'If you feel you're being screwed, try to #HoldTheFloor'

** I secretly bought one of the cheapest possible units with my entire savings to shut my relatives up, which put me in a liquidity crisis. I thought I'd earn the remaining money for the decoration by this spring, but then major depression happened.