Online dating thread - Page 99 - Other Topics Forum - Discuss Pop Culture, Arts and Entertainment

Started texting a girl off OKC, not thrilled that earliest I can see her is Wednesday, that's a lot of time for her to meet some other dude/have other dates. Hate things being out of my control, but it's competitive out there, not much I can do.

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01-20-2013 , 04:38 AM

#2452

El Diablo

Carpal \'Tunnel

Join Date: Sep 2002 Posts: 70,770

Burd,

It's Sunday. If you're worried about a chick finding something better than you between now and Wednesday, you need to focus on yourself first before thinking about relationships.

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01-20-2013 , 05:18 AM

#2453

NickMPK

Carpal \'Tunnel

Join Date: Jan 2006 Posts: 11,675

Quote:

Originally Posted by campfirewest

FYP

Nah, it's a girl I've been texting with for about a week, who told me she was a cocktail waitress...we could never coordinate a time to meet. She texted me this evening and asked if I wanted to hang out after her shift tonight. I said sure, and she told me when she got off & where she worked, which turned out to be 6:30am and a strip club.

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01-20-2013 , 05:40 AM

#2454

The_Bends2

grinder

Join Date: May 2012 Posts: 530

Quote:

Originally Posted by yaobviously

bends,

ignore the happy talk. your messages are terrible. there's no shame in being bad at something as long as you're willing to improve.

here's a short list of things to think about.

1. never tease a girl about her intelligence or 'trying too hard'. 90% of okcupiders will interpret everything you say as evidence they're smarter than you if you haven't already won them over. it's just like 2p2.

2. never hedge after teasing a girl. it makes you look weak. ''maybe i'm projecting'' is gayer than knivesout playing big spoon.

3. dont talk directly about a girl's interests. if you dont know enough to think of a playful and witty comment or question you don't know enough to talk about it at all. ''so, what got you into greek mythology?'' is the kind of smalltalk an uncle makes with a niece.

4. in fact, never use any inflection of the word 'interest'. ''that's interesting'' is the worst kind of filler because it's a comment and not a response. it adds nothing.

5. dont dwell on subjects for long. she knows and likes and can laugh about literally millions of things and you're talking about greek mythology in a detached tone that is ponderous and try-hard. when she mentioned the jealousy of the gods your next response should have been a story or comment about jealousy/emotions ("new thread time"). consecutive comments should not really be about the 'same topic' -- they only have to relate thematically.

6. never talk about rape. i mean, ever.

7. remember you're trying to make her feel things. you are not seeking her approval (''gee, his opinions are so well considered!") or learn about her academic history (you're not a prospective employer - who cares?). adopt the role of a guy trying to make her think and feel things she hasn't thought or felt before.

be more indirect, be more playful, be more positive (there is a lot of implicit criticism in all of your comments), think more in terms of feelings and themes, and be less approval seeking.

Perfect. Thanks. Onward to the next one.

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01-20-2013 , 06:13 AM

#2455

Burdzthewurd

Carpal \'Tunnel

Join Date: Jan 2005 Posts: 12,259

Quote:

Originally Posted by El Diablo

Burd,

It's Sunday. If you're worried about a chick finding something better than you between now and Wednesday, you need to focus on yourself first before thinking about relationships.

Word, I'm just paranoid since she's definitely more attractive than I'm used to.

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01-20-2013 , 06:15 AM

#2456

IHeartAsians

adept

Join Date: May 2012 Posts: 1,186

Quote:

Originally Posted by NickMPK

she may be a cocktail waitress at a strip club...

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01-20-2013 , 10:22 AM

#2457

NickMPK

Carpal \'Tunnel

Join Date: Jan 2006 Posts: 11,675

Quote:

Originally Posted by IHeartAsians

she may be a cocktail waitress at a strip club...

She was indeed a cocktail waitress at a strip club, which is what I had assumed, except that she sent me photo of herself in the strippers' locker room wearing something extremely skimpy...but I guess that's what strip club waitresses wear. (I haven't been to a strip club in many years.)

Obviously we just had breakfast given that it was 6:30 and we were both pretty sleepy. Really cute girl though, hope I can see her again.

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01-20-2013 , 11:13 AM

#2458

Paul Openfold

banned

Join Date: Jun 2012 Posts: 1,302

Quote:

Originally Posted by Burdzthewurd

Quote:

Originally Posted by Burdzthewurd

Word, I'm just paranoid since she's definitely more attractive than I'm used to.

Strong post content to avatar ratio

The defeatist attitude is pretty counterproductive

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01-20-2013 , 12:15 PM

#2459

El Diablo

Carpal \'Tunnel

Join Date: Sep 2002 Posts: 70,770

Nick,

What did you and this girl talk about?

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01-20-2013 , 01:45 PM

#2460

Burdzthewurd

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Join Date: Jan 2005 Posts: 12,259

Hope Nick avoided getting published in the recession topics, because if there's one profession that won't be affected by a recession, it's a cocktail waitress as a strip joint

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01-20-2013 , 01:58 PM

#2461

Burdzthewurd

Carpal \'Tunnel

Join Date: Jan 2005 Posts: 12,259

Quote:

Originally Posted by Paul Openfold

Strong post content to avatar ratio

The defeatist attitude is pretty counterproductive

I'm starting to be defined by it, probably should find something more upbeat

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01-20-2013 , 03:38 PM

#2462

knivesout

hot gay mess

Join Date: Jul 2009 Posts: 5,301

El D, you are pretty much 100% accurate about it not mattering what you write, but at the same time I really hate the gays who just message me "what's up" or something like that. I like to try and start a conversation, even if I really just want to bang. That being said I could probably just write "pubes" to someone and they'd respond if they thought I was hot.

No response from my little Mexican diamond in the rough and he logged in 2 hours ago. Thought my profile screamed "big spoon" but oh well.

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01-20-2013 , 03:49 PM

#2463

knivesout

hot gay mess

Join Date: Jul 2009 Posts: 5,301

Anyone try the crazy blind date thing yet? I kind of want to do it just for the lols, but I also think there's a greater than normal chance of getting stood up.

Edit: The first restaurant on the list to choose from is McDs. lol

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01-20-2013 , 04:58 PM

#2464

NickMPK

Carpal \'Tunnel

Join Date: Jan 2006 Posts: 11,675

Quote:

Originally Posted by El Diablo

Nick,

What did you and this girl talk about?

Quote:

Originally Posted by Burdzthewurd

Hope Nick avoided getting published in the recession topics, because if there's one profession that won't be affected by a recession, it's a cocktail waitress as a strip joint

Bolded definitely seemed true...she had a BA and a former career as a fashion designer, but got laid off 2 years ago. But she said she makes a lot more money now anyway & is in the process of buying a house.

We talked about a lot of stuff...it started off pretty awkward (maybe b/c the place was empty & we were both tired but totally sober), but became much more comfortable over time.

I don't think I mentioned my job except to relate a couple stories about dumb stuff my students did. We talked a lot about politics generally though, which she seemed to want to talk about.

Last edited by NickMPK; 01-20-2013 at 05:04 PM.

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01-20-2013 , 05:10 PM

#2465

AlexM

ignored

Join Date: Dec 2003 Posts: 20,655

Quote:

Originally Posted by knivesout

This seems sketchy to me unless they do a good job of taking age and body types into account.

("shallow" stuff cause I expect them to do okay on the important stuff.

)

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01-20-2013 , 05:10 PM

#2466

El Diablo

Carpal \'Tunnel

Join Date: Sep 2002 Posts: 70,770

Knives: should have gone with the big spoon line! As for CBL, can't see any reason for you to use that instead of Grindr.

Nick: did you think this girl was smart/interesting enough for you to date?

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01-20-2013 , 11:31 PM

#2467

TomCollins

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Join Date: Jul 2003 Posts: 43,064

Quote:

Originally Posted by AlexM

This is true of 40 year olds.

Sure, it happens at any age, but at 24, it really is closer to a 50-50 split than just about any age.

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01-21-2013 , 12:27 AM

#2468

Burdzthewurd

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Join Date: Jan 2005 Posts: 12,259

Trying to set up a date with this girl, but she said since she posted 6 pics of herself on the site and I only had 2, she'd like to see 4 more of me. Raise that red flag?

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01-21-2013 , 12:36 AM

#2469

kkcountry

BBV MS Paint Rapid Response Squad

Join Date: Jun 2006 Posts: 31,264

Quote:

Originally Posted by Burdzthewurd

Trying to set up a date with this girl, but she said since she posted 6 pics of herself on the site and I only had 2, she'd like to see 4 more of me. Raise that red flag?

3 normal pics then a **** pic is the only play here

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01-21-2013 , 12:38 AM

#2470

Burdzthewurd

Carpal \'Tunnel

Join Date: Jan 2005 Posts: 12,259

Quote:

Originally Posted by kkcountry

3 normal pics then a **** pic is the only play here

This is what I keep hearing

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01-21-2013 , 12:58 AM

#2471

z28dreams

Pooh-Bah

Join Date: Sep 2005 Posts: 5,109

Quote:

Originally Posted by NickMPK

I remember when I lived in central NJ and first joined OKC 3 years ago, I was really annoyed that I couldn't filter the distance close enough to exclude girls who lived in NYC. This was simply not a feasible distance for me to travel to meet someone on a regular basis, and since most girls who live in NYC don't have cars, it's unlikely we could meet halfway or they could come to me.

I think 50-60% of people it tried to match me with lived in NYC, another 30% lived in Philly (which was a little more reasonable from where I lived), and 10-20% actually lived in NJ or close by in eastern PA.

Living in a big city in a red state now, I need to be much more concerned with cultural compatibility, but distance is much less of an issue. I don't think I've ever driven more than 20 minutes to meet someone, and almost half my first dates I set up somewhere I can walk to.

Most people don't know this, but you can just manually edit the search URL to the radius you want in miles.

Example search URL:

okcupid.com/match?filter1=0,34&filter2=2,22,39&filter3=3,50&filter4=5,31536000&filter5=1,0&filter6=35,0&locid =4247226&lquery=yourzipcode&timekey=1&matchOrderBy =SPECIAL_BLEND&custom_search=0&fromWhoOnline=0&myg ender=m&update_prefs=1&sort_type=0&sa=1&using_save d_search=[/url]

The filter3=3,50 here is the one you want. So, if you want something closer, say 10 miles, just edit it to be filter3=3,10

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01-21-2013 , 04:30 AM

#2472

Burdzthewurd

Carpal \'Tunnel

Join Date: Jan 2005 Posts: 12,259

Quote:

Originally Posted by Burdzthewurd

Trying to set up a date with this girl, but she said since she posted 6 pics of herself on the site and I only had 2, she'd like to see 4 more of me. Raise that red flag?

Welp, after seeing 2 more that I told her were about 14 months OLDER than the pics in my profile, she said she's sorry but she's no longer interested in meeting me, but good luck!

Spoiler:

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01-21-2013 , 04:37 AM

#2473

AlexM

ignored

Join Date: Dec 2003 Posts: 20,655

Interesting. Normally the same animated GIFs start their cycle together when they're opened, but apparently if it's in a spoiler, it starts separately when you click show.

I did not know that!