+1 but there is a chance the time constraint is legit because if they had originally made plans for dinner at 7 and not mentioned moving along after or extending the evening, then her expectation is that it would end early. So it wasnt like she showed up at 7 and 5 minutes into the dinner was like oh btw i have to leave at 8.

Nick,

Learning about someone's personal life isn't important on a first date, and it shouldn't be the focus either. If I'm meeting you for the first time, I'm not going to care about what you're doing in your life unless it's relevant to my interests. Pick topics that you both can contribute on so it can lead into a conversation and not an interview. If she's enjoyed your company, then she'll probably want to know more about you.

Garcia,

I thought you were engaged

I'm pretty sure the "time constraint" was a real thing. I mean, maybe not something she couldn't have changed if needed, but I definitely believe she told her friend she would meet him at 10.

Here's what happened as far as that goes:
We are near the end of dinner, which seemed to be going was going great. I ask the girl she wants another round of drinks...she mentions that drinks where we were were really expensive. Which seemed perfect, because I mentioned we could go somewhere else, and suggested beers at a bar near where we both live.

She agreed, and then a moment later says "Oh wait, what time is it?". I look at my phone and it's 8:45. And she says "OK, we have plenty of time. I told my best friend I would meet him at his place at 10. He just got back in town from Kentucky and has some drama he said he needs to talk to me about." I probably look slightly disappointed, and then she adds "Oh don't worry...he's gay." I'm not really sure why she added that, so she explains "Well, some guys are jealous if a girl they are dating has a guy best friend, so I'm just saying you have nothing to worry about."

So if she just made this up to get out of there
- Why wouldn't she just say she had to meet him at 9 and not go to the second bar?
- Why would she be concerned about assuring me that he is gay if she had no interest in me at that point?

Yah i wouldnt worry about it Nick. Seems it was indeed going good. Sowhat happened at the bar? The vibe simply died down or what?

Yes, absolutely. I wouldn't go out with someone in the first place if I didn't think they were attractive. I guess sometimes people don't look like their pictures but they do more often that not.

Going in, I thought this girl was probably the 2nd best possibility I have been out with in the last 2 months, and certainly better than the girls I'm going out with later this week. She looked eerily like Olivia Munn, although not as skinny.

I don't see anything wrong with that date. It's reasonable to expect a first date to last around 2 hours, and I think a second venue is a good sign. A lot of my first dates had 3 venues. I'd be surprised if you don't get the opportunity to go on a second date with her.

Yeah sort of...Went to a place where we can almost always sit at the bar or a large booth where you can sit on the same side. But got there and there was no bar seating left...and the only open booth was a tiny one which we had to sit on opposite sides, and she immediately grabbed it while I was scouting for something better.

So we just sat there and talked and drank our beers for the next 45 minutes. I'm not sure, but the conversation just seemed less interesting and personal.

I don't know that she doesn't want to see me again....but I have enough failed experiences on these things to know that treading water like that isn't good.

Mission to find guys + celibacy NYR...does not compute.

Nick, tell stories/recall experiences on dates. Particularly ones that convey that you have lots of friends and are experienced with women. Bonus for relating to a common interest/area.

I'm actually a fairly ****ty story teller but good at making observations and turning that into conversation so that works too, but if you're an awesome story teller you basically can't lose.

Don't talk about politics lol. I wouldn't talk much about work at all really. As a high stakes poker pro I have become pretty good at deflecting conversation away from that without being awkward about it. The key is to have multiple social outings/adventures of some type every week so you always have something else to tell them about.

Nick, try to follow me on this one:

1. You're quite good looking and attractive
2. During your dates, you talk about how hard it is to get published, and the amazingly quantitative nature of modern political science
3. You take your dates to normal places, dinner, shows, bars where nearly all successful dates go.

You're doing less than ideally dating. If you had to pinpoint the most likely reason for that out of #1, 2 & 3, which number do you think it would be?

Bonus question: If you had to pinpoint the single thing on that list that's most different to successful daters, what would it be out of 1, 2 & 3?

Bonus bonus question: What conversation topic out of the following do you imagine a girl is most likely to enjoy and feel comfortable with during dinner?

- academia in general
- trying to get published
- the tough job market
- how intensely quantitative political science has become recently
- amusing slightly self deprecating anecdotes from your non working life

Thanks for any responses which might help us clear up this mystery.

Had a date scheduled for tomorrow afternoon, but I just cancelled/postponed it. Girl was sort of scaring me...plus I really want to watch the Patriots game.

Another date on Monday night and tentatively Wednesday night.

BTW, if on the night after a so-so date, a girl visits your online profile again, should that be interpreted as a good sign?

Nick,

That (visiting profile post date) sounds really weird and I have no idea how to interpret that.

where do conspiracy theories fall? haha... joking.

I'm hoping to skip conversations about movies and current events, I need some ideas.

Nick, I bet she was just showing a friend your pic or something.

I'm not sure it's a lumberjack, just some guy who has some machismo in him. I know tons of guys who are intellectual types but also are fairly handy and masculine. They can fix a car and aren't afraid to get dirty and aren't all dainty. The most damning part of this was how everyone is beneath him. This seems fairly obvious of a personality flaw that he has broadcast from the start. He is too smart, too sophisticated for these midwestern bumpkins!

Oh she wanted a guy who was good at everything

Nick,

I think you need to ask the girl for a second date and see what the response is. Why assume she won't give it another go. From what you described about the way she explained about the best friend it sounds like she had interest in you.

Yes, this is troubling and I'm glad she expressed this. It would never really have occurred to me. I've never heard any of my friends or anyone I know well describe me this way, although since college I've mostly hung out with people who went to Harvard and Princeton. I may seem aloof to people I have just met, but it's just because I feel uncomfortable and not because I feel superior. Many people have told me they don't think I'm willing to promote myself enough in social situations.

I wonder if some people infer condescension onto other when they talk about Harvard/Princeton, regardless of whether mentioning the school is appropriate in context.. Like, the sentence "When I was at Princeton...." is heard as having a different tone than the sentence "When I was at Kansas State...", even if the rest of the sentence is the same.

I know that many people from Harvard deliberately avoid saying "Harvard" in casual conversation, even when directly asked where they go to school. I've never done this....is seems much more condescending to say you went to school "in Boston" (or whatever), because you believe your school is so awe-inducing that its name cannot be spoken.

It's worth mentioning that the best date I've been on in the past 2 months was with a girl who just graduated from Harvard. It's not because we both only wanted to go out with someone who went to Harvard, or even wanted to talk about school that much. But I think we both felt much more at ease with talking about our college experience without anyone stereotyping us merely because we were talking about it.

I texted her and she just responded "Yeah that could be fun, but the semester is about to start up so I can't make any promises on any future plans"....which sounds like a blow-off to me.

You are right, it most definitely is other people's problem and perception issues and not the other way around.

It's certainly my fault that I'm being perceived this way...something I didn't realize and need to do something to correct.

I'm merely saying that the perception did not accurately reflect my true feelings (in that I did not actually believe I was somehow superior to this girl).

Haha yea when my sister was going to Yale she'd always say. "In New Haven" when asked.

Subconsciously this certainly could be the case even if you aren't aware of it. But a lot of it could be how you are protecting yourself from rejection. Getting ready for Sour Grapes. You seem to lack self-awareness, so it wouldn't surprise me that you feel superior to most unknowns, and they have to prove themselves to you that they are worthy of your company.

So there's a girl I'm planning to ask out today. She's the blonde bombshell type

My date last night we just went to World of Beer and chatted. When we came in the girl tried to order a Bud Light...