Sounds like some horrible decision-making on the horizon. Looking forward to it.

Brown Gord,

You okay buddy? Still with us?

+1 :?

haha that's great, cause I am a native speaker (you are correct about "mettre" it is a typo, but "c'est un voleur" is just the way the idiom goes) :-)

as a frenchy Ill contribute to this mini-derail;

"ton père c'est un voleur il a pris toutes les étoiles du ciel pour les mettres dans tes yeux."
Not terrible but not 100% correct, maybe if you put a comma after 'ton pere' it could make more sense. 'your father, it is a robber etc etc' would be the result but still not great.

"ton père est un voleur, il a pris toutes les étoiles du ciel pour les mettres dans tes yeux."
Correct imo

Unless its some technical correct form that was written down, you will never actually say it that way in french. You'd rather use 'il est un volleur' as c'est is more it is and il est is he is. My french isnt perfect (especially not written) but ^^ /frenchrant

Wait wat? I thought you were Dutch for some raisin. Belgian?

I was raised bilingual and also have a french nationality due to my mother being french

The French looks fine to me and I'll trust a native speaker on idioms. But **** the punctuation is horrible.

TR w Cheerleader

She's set to make the trip to my place Saturday at 5. I text her twice Friday evening and call her around midnight, no response to me reaching out. I call her again around noon Saturday and she doesn't pick up. At this point, given the pattern of our communication and past, I figure she's going to flake and just can't bear disclosing it to me. I'm about to make other plans when I give her one more call around 2pm. She doesn't answer. I say **** it, and ship her "Classy." She calls 15 seconds later. We're still on for 5 and she's been busy. Whatever. I explain to her that her previous flaking has created an insecurity in me.

I'm dead tired and lay down for a bit. Next thing I know I wake up and it's 10 after 5. I check my phone and she's sent three texts and called twice. I immediately call her and she's like 3 minutes away and says she was just about to turn around. Miraculous timing and potential disaster averted. She arrives, we kiss, and go up to my place. There we split a bottle of wine and chat. Eventually we go to dinner and to another place for a drink. She offers but I cover everything. We head back to my place and chat until we're both tired and eventually make it to my bedroom. She switches into pajamas and we fool around for a little bit. She makes it clear that there's not going to be any sexy time. I'm not allowed to touch any fun parts. She wants to get to know me better first, is what she says. I'm actually okay with this and explain that, while weird given our past, taking it slow is fine. We wake up and fool around a bit more. I'm allowed to feel her up but that's it. We hang out in bed until about 830, I walk her to her car, we kiss goodbye, agree to future plans by playing it by ear and she's off.

I'm dating a 6+ and a 7+ and in the no sex zone with both of them. I don't know if this is "I actually like him" and, paraphrasing Cheerleader, "don't want to make it all about sex." or whether I've been relegated to "friend with limited benefits." Kinda annoying if only because, with both women, I'm the one giving the massages, doing most of the touching, etc. They get the full girlfriend experience, I get to rub one out in the shower fml

Whenever a girl has pics with other women and the one or two may be more attractive, I immediately think "I wonder if they're single?"

Ok now that we have established that I cannot write either in English or in French ( :-) ) , what else went wrong?

It seems really weird to me that so many of you guys have women sleep over at your place and it doesn't include sex. I haven't done that outside the confines of a relationship since I was under 22 and still in college.

I think this is fine all and all. I would say that moving on the second message toward a date is bold. I normally do that on third or fourth message. Second message is going to seem aggressive to some women. And any woman interested will respond a second time and you can then ask her out on third message. You're probably a bit too cute in the second message, but no biggie. As a historian of the French Revolution, I really appreciate any message with a Marie-Antoinette reference.

You struck out for whatever reason, but I don't think you made any big mistakes. I never ask out before 3rd message b/c it seems too forward. Having said that, who knows why she didn't respond.

Where are you btw? Europe or North America?

Agree. With YourChoice, I understand. She's dating for the explicit purpose of starting a relationship. Cheerleader is a little more confusing. I don't know whether she's being honest about wanting to get to know me better before reestablishing an increased level of physical intimacy or if she's ****ing someone else. Or both. She's previously mentioned that she can only have one sexual partner. So who knows? If I can think of a tactful way to bring it up so as not to make it seem like sex is all I'm after, which I'm not, I may ask her.

EDIT: Also, CL lives over an hour away so the sleepovers are a matter of practicality too. Because we legitimately get along rather well, it would be silly to make the drive home at 12 or 1 AM

ATF - It sounds like both women are being manipulative & I don't think it's really normal/acceptable behavior. A lot of women (& men) would like to be in a relationship - but you don't use sex as a bargaining chip to make that happen. At least - I don't think normal people do.

Are you seriously considering "being in a relationship" with the first girl? What are you going to do if you decide to be her boyfriend, have sex, and find out it's awful (no idea if that's possible for a guy to not enjoy it, just throwing it out there)? Or maybe at that point she starts trying to manipulate you in other ways to get what she wants? Her attitude about sex just seems like a ginormous red flag, and you seem to see that it is - but for some reason you're choosing to just go along with it. Why?

We've only seen each other 3 times so I think she's taking a more traditional approach toward dating and physical intimacy (i.e. I've gotten "further" on each progressive interaction and she sent me what must amount to booty text at 2 AM last night). Both women have expressed that they felt I was "pressuring" them into sex, which bothers me because that's really not my intent. I just figure as a guy it's my role to try. On the few dates where I made no effort, the women seemed legitimately puzzled and/or insulted, like they're expecting a guy such as myself (I probably come off as relatively comfortable and confident now opposed to awkward and nervous when I first began dating) to make a move.

But to answer your question - I have no idea what I'm looking for from a relationship perspective. Companionship, or having someone to do the mundane life stuff with, is what I miss most from my married life. What I have learned thus far into my dating is that it's a huge mistake for me to bring up topics such as exclusivity and whatnot. I'm just going to go along for the ride and if something more develops, then fantastic. If not, I have no problem cutting my losses and jumping back into the dating circuit.

ETA: But your point on manipulative behavior is well taken and something I'm going to think about. I like how you phrased it as them potentially using it as a bargaining chip. It does bother me because sex should be a shared, pleasurable experience and not something given or taken away as a means to control my behavior. That said, my general attitude about it is "meh, your loss." I told CL that if she's not careful she liable to be friendzoned. I was only half joking.

dale,

"It seems really weird to me that so many of you guys have women sleep over at your place and it doesn't include sex."

Yeah, totally agree w/ you in general.

Don't find it weird w/ ATF since obviously he's only clicking w/ super-broken chicks.

Wow! Super-broken is pushing it IMO. In the case of CL, she says sex is a much better experience for her when she feels an emotional connection to her partner. I think she's endeavoring to determine how much she likes me and to ensure that I'm not only in it for the lay. Basically, her challenge is her appearance. She has trouble trusting men's intentions, specifically whether they actually like her or just like how she looks. She's also expressed some trepidation regarding her previous treatment of me and that maybe I'm just looking to hurt her as revenge.

With YC, I think it's progressing in a more "normal" fashion. First date, just kissing and no real touching. Second date, finger her. Third date, do it again but this time she says "I'm so wet and horny, this is hard to resist" and she touches me a little bit.

You guys have always had the wrong impression of me anyhow. IRL, more so now obviously than, say, five or six months ago, I come across as a confident, attractive guy who pulls pussy with relative ease and might be a "player." To give some perspective, a woman approached me at the train station and asked whether I was a movie star or famous musician because "you look like you might be". I said, "no, but I'm a clown!"

ETA: CL has also said that there's a noticeable difference in me. And she's absolutely correct. Three months ago I would fawn over her and very much over think every interaction with her. I mean, ****, I was drinking BEFORE going out with her and drinking before speaking with her on the phone. That's some crazy anxiety. Most of it has diminished and you guys have played a role in it, mostly a positive one, so thanks!

The sleepover thing with no sex doesn't seem weird to me. Then again, most of the girls I try to hang out with via online aren't the type who are looking for something super casual.

Three of the longest relationships I've been in in the last few years, the girls were super willing to spend the night early on, give a hand job or head, but did not want to have sex until we had spent more time together. A couple of them actually waited a pretty long time, and it was fine.

I hung out with the girl I met on tinder last week on Friday, and spent the night at her place. She invited me over, but clearly just wanted to fool around a bit and spend time together. We had a good time, and are meeting up again on Tuesday.

This isn't to say I'm not trying to sleep with them if we do have a sleepover, but if they don't want to yet, I respect that. And my experience is, with a certain type of girl, it's quite common.

Eek This whole paragraph is just really cringey (for me at least) to read.

So I posted earleir about creating an OKC account. Things are still going well, but I now have more girls showing interest then I know what to do with. Maybe its time to stop messaging people, but its seems to be working out that the girls I talked to earlier are noticeably(but not by much) less attractive then girls I talk to now. Like I recently got the numbers of two girls who are easily 7.5s from their OKC pics in my book, and I am a semi strict grader.

I think this is obviously a function of being 6'4 semi good looking(I guess) but also because I have a pretty good profile I imagine(probably not that great but def doesnt hurt me). Not to mention I am witty and funny as ****.

I am currently probably in like 10 conversations(OKC+txt) with 6s+ and I am not sure what I am going to do as I dont have enough time. I guess I will just wing it and hope for the best. Start at the top and work my way down seems optimal right now.


One problem. I dont have a car. or better yet, I dont have a car I can drive outside of Austin (have car rental service for inside austin). Two of the girls and one of the 7.5s are both outside of Austin(rest are in Austin). One is like 30 minute drive away but she seems more keen on me coming to her(I told her I dont currently have a car and she said let me know when I get one or she will hit me up next time in Austin).

The other is in Waco(1.5 hour drive). She seems extremely into me(I mean she moved most things forward in conversation despite knowing we are far apart) and our banter/conversation is probably the best among any of the other girls I am talking to. Its funny becuase the entire conversation started off a hypothetical and we semi expanded it(for paragraphs at a time) while also getting to know each other. Currently we are texting and there are obvious strong signs. One thing is that when i mentioned the distance she said something about it being simply a nice little drive away, and she has stated that Austin is a much better place than Waco(ldo). So I think I can turn this into her coming here, more than likely for the weekend. I plan on getting a car come after Christmas but unless I hit a huge poker upswong(and I am not playing that much) before then , wont be getting it much earlier.

Any ideas on how to text with this girl that is far away to keep things from getting stale? Its obviously easier for me to do so when a meetup is relatively easy to achieve. Not too worried about the girl that lives 30 min away, if she shows interest she shows interest.

Id say nothing. If you showed the first message you sent only, id have said maybe it was too tryhard-y in a vacuum or whatever, but it obviously worked and her reply mirrored it and was super positive.

I think her lack of reply in this case has nothing to do with you.

If you have a lot of average girls that youd sleep with but dont want to date much, id move the conversations and texts to very sexual and direct. With some might not be optimal but that way you wont have to date much and itll weed out those who required more effort.

As for the ones you liked, have no idea about costs but cab/rental out of the question? Invite her for a weekend. Youre not gonna keep a high level of interest for monthes until christmas comes. And at some point youll become super lame always talking and not doing anything about it. Not like youre oceans apart.

My advice is to stop communicating with women in Waco and other places that far away. You're communicating with 10 women or something and having trouble keeping up, yet screwing around with a woman 1.5 hours away. Also, Waco to Austin is farther than that when you count the cluster**** that is I-35 in Austin.

Austin is an awesome place for a young guy who is a grad student at UT. Focus on people near you. I assure you there are probably thousands upon thousands of amazing women there.

Why? If it helps, I've seen this woman 8 times, slept with her numerous times, and we've had long phone conversations into the early morning. Basically I can text or call whenever and it doesn't look desperate. While guys here might have called me a stalker, she has called it persistent and said she's really happy I've remained persistent over the past few months.

Unless she's interested in a penpal, you're going to have to meet up with her. That's the bottom line. Alternatively, dial the phone and talk to her. If the convo goes well and she gets excited about meeting you, maybe she'll come to you.