goofy,

He routinely has women who he goes on a decent first date with just completely ignore him afterwards. IMO that is not something that happens without some real weirdness in your social interactions.

That's a great point. Nick, if you have their addresses, I'd probably send a hand written letter if the OKC follow-up gets ignored.

Nick,

"So I have first dates planned for tomorrow, Saturday, and next Tuesday."

Ballpark how many first dates would you say you've been on this year?

Nick can take it, he's not going to cave over a little armchair psychoanalysis. It's all in good fun.

No, you seem fine. For some guys it's just a matter of getting over nerves or shyness/finding confidence/the right angle/life success/getting enough practice, which ultimately are superficial problems; if you don't fix it you'll meet the right girl eventually or life will kind of sort itself out.

For other guys they sometimes have a real blind spot relating to or even understanding the opposite sex from things like a lack of certain life experiences, etc, and a life/dating coach could be helpful.

About 50. Didn't do much over the summer, just getting back into it for real.

Yeah your goals seem to be not fulfilling what you really might need, which is to look at how you interact in meeting a girl and developing any potential.

What are your most meaningful few goals in dating right now?

Nick

Tell me if I'm being out of line as well or not helpful.

I'm not as good as others though eg Truthsayer and his point re distant parents and blind spots.

Nick can you post a TR from your last date that never replied to your texts after? Also I'm curious what your definition of a "decent date" is.

I hadn't thought of it, but it is possible these girls aren't responding because they all have amnesia!

Any of you guys target the 'cute shy girl' type?
They are definitely my type, but I find a lot of them are difficult to read/talk to especially via first few texts and stuff.

Whats a good date for that type, they often don't give an opinion which can be okay but at times it's nice to have theirs

You're not out of line, but I don't know how useful this is. I don't really think it's helpful to be defining definite goals (unless you are only looking for a casual relationship, in which case I think you should be honest with any girl about this).

It's like saying "I want to win $X this month at poker"....play hours, not results, right?

I.e. I can pretty easily define for myself how much time I will spend dating, since I have more opportunities for first dates than I can actually go on, but it seems counterproductive to set goals over things I have much less control over.

Since this most recent girl did end up responding tonight, it's actually been a while since this happened. I posted several TR's much earlier in the thread where this was the case.

But you're getting eaten by just "dating" without any "real" success.

You can set a few goals or parameters realistically and that's maybe the problem, the "realistically" is your problem. It really helps I found, when you can start to see things in real terms and not just in terms of your own making. That is to say that you get good one night stands and not, good LTR and not so good. Each situation has inherent qualities that you would do well to understand, framing how you act and then acting with a greater degree of success.

Nick,

50 first dates in a few months sounds like a chore. Do you think you maybe come off like that on your dates? Do you think you are very fun on your dates? That kind of first date schedule to me just sounds painful and exhausting, but of course that will vary a lot based on personality.

It's 50 over the course of more than a year; about 40 of those were Aug 2012-April 2013.

My "success" with one-night stands is pretty decent! :P

It's with the girls I would want a relationship with that I am failing. I think I am definitely seeking a relationship more than a ONS, but I am not just going to automatically pass up the opportunities that come.

His profession has nothing to do with the situation. I'm an academic and I have the opposite problem of Nick. I struggle to get first dates (compared to Nick), but I have never been declined for a second date when I wanted one. It's certainly a personality thing, but I don't see why you guys keep harping on his profession.

Wow very alpha male

I don't see how you can draw this conclusion. Nick has always been very good in reading social cues and quickly figuring out whether he's correct or wrong.

First Date Cheat for MEN:

Do not tell a girl where you’re going or how to dress.
Instead, tell her to "dress for a first date with a guy she really likes"

Then, pick 3 places you'd like to go:

1. someplace fun and active
   (bowling, pool, mini golf, go-kart racing, ballgame, etc)
2. something romantic and classy
   (nice restaurant, upscale lounge, art gallery opening)
3. something in between
   (nice bar, coffee shop, comedy club)

When you pick her up let the way she's dressed decide the date!

Based on how casual or dressed up she appears, you are given insight into what it is she'd most enjoy doing that evening. And you now have the luxury of appearing like you had this perfect date planned all along.

P.S. I'm not a man and have not tried this. Please return with TRs for science

I went on a ton of first dates, had very limited success. You get worn down, annoyed, and can probably come across as desperate since going on 50+ dates with very little success can leave you wondering why you're seemingly having no success, which can lead to pressing the matter.

It's hard to do, but mixing in more varied activities instead of some of those dates, and just taking a deep breath and relaxing a bit more is super helpful. I've been on not many online dates since moving to CO from MA in June, and I have had a fair bit of success. I've been too busy to really care about it, and that has seemingly hugely positive results relative to churning through dates.

Jenni,

And for the guy, I figure go with tearaway tux over tearaway slacks and button-down over jeans and t-shirt for a versatile quick-change outfit to match her look?

I can't remember the last time I picked a girl up for a first date (except for one girl that was flying in from out of town). I've offered several times, and they always seem more comfortable driving themselves. About half of my first dates are within walking distance of my house anyway.