derada,

It's just a word bro. It's silly how much stress you are causing yourself when it hasn't even been spoken yet. How do you handle it if she says it? Um, you say I love you too and then you have sex. She's not going to start shopping for wedding dresses.

On the other hand, if it's not the word but the way she feels about you that is bothering you, then tell her it's moving too fast, you need more space, or you want to see other people. But stop stressing out over the fact that she might express how you already know she feels about you with a word that you've built up with these paranoid connotations. ZOMG who's going to say it first!? Who cares.

Something is not computing. Very good job and income, social circle, etc. Have you met the roommates/friends?

I'm pretty confident she's not insane, but yeah, who the hell knows. Like I said I think it's really just her being overwhelmed and not doing any quick self-reflecting. I know if I wasn't a very self-reflective person I probably would have spat it out a week ago. There's just a really, really strong attraction and connection between the two of us.

Sly Caveat,

It's not that its moving too fast or I need space, I'm head over heels for this girl. My main anxiety is mainly making sure that there is a correspondence between the word and the feeling. When the word is said, I want it to really mean what it means. I'm pretty sure we feel the exact same way about each other, just like I said above, I think her saying the word is a result of her not stopping to think about the whole thing first.

What's not computing exactly?

Yes, got along great with the roommates/friends.

These type of women rarely online date AND you got her locked down rather quickly, that's what is not computing in my head. Definitely possible, but you basically hit the lotto if she's sane.

Arghhh, really really really hate to say this just because I know how it sounds and I'm probably going to get flamed by a few, but to make it all make a little more sense, because I think it plays a somewhat important role at least from her end in the initial courting...looks wise I'm probably a 9. And as for her, she has a killer body, and pretty close to an 8 overall, but most would probably say 7.

I don't think saying you're a good looking dude means you should get flamed, looks are a big part of dating in general, especially online. If it's an asset for chicks, it's an asset for dudes. As long as you're being objective, it's important to keep in mind for the situation

I love you girl sounds fine. I wouldn't lie and say it back, but the alternatives are equally sucky. I find a lot of girls wait and let the guy say it, so just wait it out.

if she passes the sanity eye test, then this post below is pretty spot on

derada

If I can chip in...
Seems as though you get on well and meet each others criteria for a good relationship or at least it has the potential for a good relationship. It sounds as though everything has been fairly straightforward and not difficult, but that things have moved naturally very quickly to a real test - and just the fact that you bring it up ITT suggests the matter is difficult. Difficult in at least you want to try to get it right whereas up till now you didn't need to try so much.
Seems as though you naturally connect with her and that you would not need to do anything unnatural to remain in her light.
Basically I don't like the idea of just returning the feeling out of fear of losing her. It's not that that is keeping you together. If she is as good as you say then that is not what she would need at this point to remain in a relationship.

derada,

earliness of saying ILY has no correlation to craziness ime. had girls wait who were crazy and had girls say it quick who were crazy.

Given that 3 out of 4 girls are crazy, I think our study to try and prove something could be pretty complex

Some girls are just really emotionally needy and seek approval from their partners and thus rush into relationships and "love" anytime they find someone they like. Its not necessarily a bad thing, but its also not something that anyone who is unwilling to be an emotional crutch and deal with some blowups from time to time should get into. Most of the girls I know that fit this bill are attractive, have good jobs, and otherwise very fun to hang out with.

One is a girl who is 25, a high end matchmaker making ~125-150k/yr, an 8 on the looks scale, and has a solid social circle. She turned down tons of dates from millionaires she was setting up elsewhere over the years. She is currently dating a guy who is avg looking and successful, but not to the degree the guys she was setting up were. They met on okcupid and she moved in with him after 4-6 weeks. She did have a previous broken engagement that seemed rushed, but feels no ill will to the guy even though they rarely talk anymore. She has very high emotional demands, but otherwise is a very normal girl and you would never be able to guess the relationship dynamics if you didn't know a lot about her private life.

It was actually the above girl and my sister who pushed me to try online dating and then my ex also told me that she thought I should use it and now here I am.

Sounds like you're the kind of guy the majority of the idealistic-type girls are waiting around for, (ie, hoping to get lucky finding the guy of their dreams rather than settling for anything less) whereas the 9s and 10s girls who happen to be on the sites probably never get anyone because they don't consider anyone good enough for them, or they're crazy, or both.

Would be interested to learn about your other experiences online dating. How selective are you? Have you been on many dates with girls you consider are your 'level', and what have they been like? I've been on dates with a 9 and a couple of 8s, but I'm probably a 7.5. The 9 was actually a really interesting and memorable date (I think I mentioned her at some stage in this thread) but definitely hard work...

Yeah I mean I greatly appreciate everyone's help looking out for me, but me and this girl have opened up a lot to each other and there are no other red flags/concerns about her being a psycho. I'm pretty sure I did hit the lotto, which is ****ing awesome.

I came to this thread looking for advice mainly as to if she says it and I'm not ready to say it back yet, how do I keep her from freaking herself out that she said it and I didn't.

I made an account, 5 days later when out with this girl, went out with a different girl the following night, went out with this girl again 2 days later, then another day after that, then one more time, then deleted my OKC account. lol. The 2nd girl was about a 7, I could have easily went out with again, she texted me about 5 days later and I just said that I had met someone already.

She has said stuff like "where have you been all my life?" to which I just respond "come on now..."

The funny thing about me and my gf is that she always laughs about how its so weird that she likes me so much because I satisfy 0 of her dating criteria. Younger. Make less money. Live >30 min. away. Still in school/live at home. Don't play sports regularly. Have tattoo's. Etc etc. But if you think about it, its a + for me that that's the situation, as if I was just some dude that checked all the checkboxes, she could easily replace me with someone else who fits the template. But in our situation obviously there is some kind of real connection going on which caused her to disregard the template/criteria.

Mash,

What was the woman like?

That's an interesting opinion, why do you think that is weird?

I haven't spoken to any of my exes really ever. Only ex I spoke too we basically just dated without a title after we broke up until we officially got back together again, and now I haven't spoke to her for the last 5ish months since I cut off contact. nor did I intend to ever again.


Also the love thing is further complicated by people's differing definitions of the word. Personally I wouldn't say it to someone unless I was sure it was true. Some people take it a lot lighter.

Just tell her you aren't ready if she says it to you, and that you usually take a long time to say it. And ofc reassure her that it won't impact anything. Then the next time I'd see her I'd prob bring her flowers or something bc she will likely feel a little insecure.

Meh, I guess 'weird' was the wrong word to use. I don't mind it as long as I trust her. Not a red flag atm, just something that could potentially, down the road turn out to have been a red flag?

EDIT: red flag not that she is psycho but that she could/may still have feelings for one of them.

It's not necessarily weird to remain friendly with your ex, but to remain good friends with 2 exes. That's weird. I would guess she's one that has difficulty "letting go".

Yah. I do know that one of them she dated like throughout high school, a little into college, and then near the end of college he got like cancer, aids, lost a limb, a whole ton of insane ****, so I guess he reached out to her at that time and they stayed close ever since.

The other one, idk. I'm not really one to grill. I guess I'll learn soon enough.

well its a tough balance between giving slack and being controlling. I am not controlling whatsoever so I probably give too much slack and thus have been cheated on in every relationship ive had, lolz.

lol that makes for two of us.

So basically my plan with the girl is to be nice to random people in the poker room and hope she notices? I'm not in love with that, although I will work on bring friendlier.

I want to be assertive.