Because girls take a lot of factors into effect besides whether you look good. Girls just have to look good. If a hot girl messages you, "hey there" I can guarantee you look past it and start thinking of ways to get her out on date #1.

Things are easy if you are a hot girl.

They know this and don't have to put any effort into messages.

I guess that's the idea. Haven't tried it myself but I remember someone else ITT bringing it up as a joke to the girl, calling her a stalker or whatever.

It is frustrating though when you send what you feel is a solid message, instantly get a view, and never get a reply.

Yeah the latter. I forgot the emoticon though. It's usually "Hey there ."

Gonna self-bump because I posted this late last night and am genuinely curious as to some responses.

I don't think there's any real straight answer to this. Every relationship is different and every person judges these things differently. Things should just develop naturally.

I wouldn't respond to a woman who messaged me "Hey there!" I don't care how hot she is. I can get dates with reasonablly attractive women who are interesting. I might be alone here, but I doubt it. The fact that a woman would send a message like that would make her distinctly less attractive to me.

View a girl, she views you back, then you send the message. Works pretty well in my experience

You are in the minority. If the girl is attractive and sends you an incoming message I'm pretty sure almost everybody here is setting up a date.

Attractive women don't get turned down much at all. It's a major advantage in dating to be an attractive woman.

If she turns into a nutcase that's one thing but a hot, attractive girl should have no issues getting lots of guys interested regardless of her incoming message.

I basically mean how can you gauge if she's interesting over if she sends one boring message out?

Of course, attractive people have an advantage. But if I get a message that is clearly ******ed, I'm not responding. I got a message from a very attractive woman a few weeks ago that said: "wow, your really cute" [sic]. I didn't respond. I'd rather put the time in sending out messages to women whom I find attractive and not ******ed. That's just me though. I mean I get laid regularly enough. I don't need to respond to an attractive ******.

lol wat? What was the context?

I get laid regularly, too, and I'd probably marry a girl if she was a 9 and really boring. Looks are extremely important to me and if a girl who was a lot more attractive than I was was into me and wanted to date seriously I'd do it regardless if her personality was meh.

I don't know if I'm in the minority but 8 with a boring personality is more dateable to me than a 7 with a cool personality.

I want to be that guy seen with the 8.

donotwant.jpeg

ATF,

If you hate talking about superficial crap so much, why do you engage in 5 rounds of decreasingly funny jokes about conspiracy theories? That sounds like superficial crap of the highest order.

I say give her # to ATF

Is talking on the phone before meeting up standard? Or just a reflection of age?

I'm mid 20's and have yet to resort to a phone call before meeting up. Usually a few messages, get the #, a couple texts and meet up.

Just depends on the girl. I would say usually not standard tho.

Some girls want to hear your voice and get that false sense of security that it's okay to meet up with you now.

Lol I thought you were a troll but now I kind of understand you. You put looks on this huge pedestal to where you think it's an unconquerable deficiency for you because you don't think you're very attractive. What you don't realize is there are a ton of soft things that make up for this lack of looks. To put it in other terms think of it like getting a job. You are saying that you believe your resume is like a 7 and it is impossible for you to get a job at a company that is above your on-paper level. What you don't realize is there are a ton of other things that employers consider before hiring you like interpersonal skills, connections, experience outside your field, ability to think quickly, work ethic, etc. While yes, if you just graduated from a CC and have worked at Starbucks (a 1 in looks terms) you will never get a job at a top tier company. However, if you are in the range, these soft skills will make up for your lacking resume if they are outstanding.

Similarly, if you dress very well, are in great shape, have a lot of friends, great personality, have money, etc. as long as you get past the original looks test and are around her in looks your soft skills will make you more attractive to the girl.

It seems like you are into flash over substance and would rather have something that you perceive as "better" than you on paper, regardless of fit. To go back to the job analogy you would rather have a company ranked #46 on Forbes best companies list than #53 even though #53 is a better fit for your skills or #27 college on US news and world report over #38 even if they don't have your major, right?

Just like your resume for a job, or GPA and SAT scores for colleges, your looks will only get you so far with girls. Obviously if you are Mark Zuckerberg, got a 4.0 and 2400, or are Brad Pitt, these things supersede any soft skills. However, for the rest of us, these things are what allow less than perfect candidates to land dream schools/jobs/and women.

Steelers,

I think what you say has merit but I feel that there isn't that much difference between girls. I've dated a wide variety and most I've either found either had their head on their shoulders and were mostly boring or the other spectrum: a lot of fun but completely crazy. There aren't many that are a ton of fun, cool, and have their head on their shoulders.

At least I've yet to find one in almost 25 years. Whare are they hiding, haha?

The "head on their shoulders" girls are the career/school driven where we are dating but they are going to school at night while working a 50 hour a week job. The crazy types would be going out all the time but aren't great future prospects.

That's why I just resort back to looks. Sex is important to me, as is my image, so I just usually try to bag the hottest girl possibly and put up with whatever.

Dale,

Your position is silly IMO. The "hey there" message is simply the woman letting you know she's interested, just like a wink/flirt/thumbs up/etc on various systems. She's letting you know if you want to interact with her, she's receptive to it, and as an attractive woman she doesn't need to write a real message to guys who may or may not be interested.

That's the case with all attractive women on these sites, and most don't even bother to message anyone, they just sit back and wait for messages. Assuming you are interested in this woman's looks and profile and would message her if you came across her profile, it seems stupid to not reply to her when she took the extra step of bothering to signal "hey, FYI, I'm interested."

Date #2 Thursday confirmed

Yeah, Dale. Diablo nailed it. Most of the better looking women don't message at all. If she looks hot and has a decent to well written profile why are you refusing her for basically saying hi in a short message? It's more than you get from most women on the site.

Been lurking this thread for ****s and giggles, but man it seems the online game has gotten terribly harder over the years. Back in 2006, me and my friends called it soft toss. You just put a profile up, and if you were normal and relatively amusing/non creepy, the girls contacted you and the success rate for whatever you wanted was amazingly high. I killed it that year, and never once opened with a girl. I have no idea why things have changed, possibly women were first to adopt and now men have caught on?

Indie,

I haven't really dated online much at all but it seems like (from this thread) that women have become much, much more of a challenge. I can't think of the last time we heard a string of...met up with hot chick, had some drinks, went back, banged, and now she's blowing me up to bang again.

I read that whole makin maneys thread from like 2011 a few months ago and either he was lying or he was doing something drastically different than the posters in this thread.

It's a whole lot of "went on date, no physical escalation, let's hope she agrees to date #2...any idea what to do?...movies, drinks, dinner?"

Seems like these women are really playing the relationship card of taking things slow or something. There have been no good trip reports posted of nailing hot girls quickly.

lol, no. It's because this is a forum filled with social introverts asking dudes on the internet for dating advice (myself included).

I think I just figured out a key piece of logic here: when writing these profiles, you don't want to appear that you put too much effort into it by either making it too long or too deep and descriptive. at this point in time our society judges online dating as unequivocally uncool... and even if that's not totally true (but i do think it is, and it effects all of us, just like excessive money being cool), then other factors like people being averse to people who talk at length about themselves, or people being averse to people being picky, or trying too hard, or whatever is not alpha. For me this kinda makes it easier to get something written because I realized, like a few ITT were saying, that I was overthinking it, and that that is in fact a bad thing for how I appear when it's reflected in my profile, and not only a bad thing on it's own because I'm not getting anything written.