ATF,

My gut feeling is that this girl wasn't ready to give out her number yet and you left her no choice but to cut you off.

Are you always going for the number before discussing a meeting? It's too intrusive, especially for a girl who hasn't shared anything meaningful with you yet. If you say "Let's meet for coffee/drinks/dinner/whatever" you are moving the process forward without painting her into a corner. She can agree or, if she's not comfortable yet, she can say "sure we can meet sometime. What do you do for a living?" or whatever. You are giving her room to negotiate the situation.

When you go for the number, if she's not ready to give it to you (which is a huge leap of faith for a lot of girls) she doesn't have much choice but to reject you. She can politely say that she doesn't know you well enough to give you her number yet, or find some other awkward way to let you down. But the easiest path will be to move on to the next guy.

I dunno man, I completely ignore any women without a picture. Maybe something along these lines?

"Hey we should go out sometime, what's your number? And since I'm interested in meeting you in person I'm obviously curious about what you look like, so how do I ago about 'seeing' you before we meet?"

I just started online dating, but I have always asked and received the number within a day or two using the message below and THEN made plans. A lot of girls actually respond back taking a different day of the week to stalk me.

"This pof stuff is getting too nerdy for me. Shoot me a text ###-###-#### or your number. I promise I'm only going to stalk you on Thursdays."

Agree Sly, that the process was too fast for her was my feeling as well. Small sample size but POF seems to have a different culture to it than OKC. I've noticed the women want more interaction through the site and two women have made it clear that a phone call is expected before meeting whereas on OKC they seem game for a few quick exchanges as a feeler and then the number to arrange meeting up via texting.

I agree with Sly.

I always make plans to meet up at X place and Y time and then give her my number. 90% of the time she either texts me with her number or messages me back with her number. The only time she didn't respond with her number was the time she flaked on me and obviously just wasn't interested.

I do think asking her for her number without even so much as discussing plans seems intrusive and off putting to most women.

Interesting because I have yet to arrange any meeting through the site. Everything was done after I received their number and via text message or, on two occasions, telephone. I only took this route because some of the first advice ITT that made sense to me was to get the convo off the site as soon as possible.

I agree with getting it off the site ASAP b/c girls are being bombarded.

Someone said that brevity is the soul of wit so maybe I'm not witty at all. I can communicate normally however it usually requires that I use more than a few words which then runs the risk of "trying too hard" as well. It's only when I over-think my messages do I find myself consistently stumbling. When I just type or tap out the first thing that comes to mind and press send - though I'll often cringe just afterward - the results are more often positive.

The **** is this ****?

From the conspiracy theorist:

I'm leaning toward "Don't do me any favors" but...

Hero?

Don't say that.

"Ok no problem- look forward to hearing from you before the next mayan apocalypse"

Or insert some other conspiracy joke there idk. Don't be all butthurt.

"If I don't see you before the next false flag, have a good one, okay..."

ATF,

Respond with:

"FINE YOU ******* *****. I HOPE YOU GETTING EATEN BY A PACK OF WOLFS WITH LAZER BEAMS ON THEIR HEADS."

Both of these are really good. Since she said she might get back to me or whatever, I'm not going to reply until tomorrow. Friday/Sunday girl has my attention at the moment anyway. On Sunday she mentioned she was leaving Friday to go away for the weekend so I called this evening to see what she was up to Thursday night. She explained she was leaving at 7 AM and asked if I had anywhere to be "early Friday". I kinda caught her drift but just to get clarification I was like "Wait, what? Work. But you want to hang out at like 5 in the morning???" She then made it very clear what she meant. It's a good experience to see how a girl that's apparently into me acts. It also makes all my earlier hand-wringing over the girls who weren't responding soon enough [to ultimately reject me] to my follow-up texts and / or my confusion on where I stood with them seem silly in comparison.

ATF,

Lol

How do most of you judge 'seriousness' of seeing someone in terms of length of time vs number of dates, and how do you think women judge the same thing?

e.g. 'gone out a few times' 'seeing each other' 'dating' 'not seeing other people' 'having the talk' etc

I've had some 'relationships' that developed slowly, going from one date a week to two to three very slowly, and others where there were 4-5 dates within the first two weeks

I don't get it:

-----
Me: 11:08:28 AM
Careful XyZ, I can beat a topic to death; like the aliens that abducted me, I'm one dimensional like that. You should know that as a rule I don't talk conspiracies on a first date. Anything you don't do?

Her: 11:12:34 AM

There a lot of thing I don't do. But mainly, everything is relative to my mood. =]~


Me: 11:30:31 AM
Took me a while but it's ______ right, or is that a cover? I'd ask you what you don't do but where's the fun in that. So let's figure out what you do do, and I'll start by asking you for your number.
----

So you asked her what she doesn't do on the first date. She responded with a quick nothing. You replied "I'd ask you what you don't do but where's the fun in that." ... You'd just asked her that? Wat?

Look, if you must use a "witty" one liner to get the girl's attention, do that. You seem to have some moderate success "opening." But you really need to move to "normal guy" territory faster. She gets it - you can make a joke about conspiracy theory bs. The jokes get consecutively less funny, and there's no content. You don't want to bore her, you want to flirt, get her number, meet. If she's feeling like she's wasting time talking to you by your 3rd message, she's not going to want to give you her phone number.

Yes, it's weird talking to people you don't know about stuff other than totally superficial crap. So maybe you need to find something in their profile to talk about beyond "oh, I can make a witty comment about that!" Maybe something in common, maybe an activity they like, maybe the neighborhood they live in, etc. You're relying really strongly on the idea that women love someone who can make them laugh. That wisdom did not originate from standup routines and one liners.

In other news, you should probably just marry Friday/Sunday girl.

Just went on my first online date from POF (me: 26 her: 25). We have a creepishly high amount of things in common, which is of course awesome. She is 5'8" curly blonde hair and just my type as far as curves (don't like skinny girls which is lolz b/c I'm a 6'1" twig with chicken legs). She teaches a fitness class at a local gym.

We went to a sports bar which turned out to be great b/c hockey playoffs were on TV. Original plan was to go to a brewery and sit outside, but weather was crap. Conversation good, but was running a bit short on energy after a couple hours. She is super busy and has to wake up early tomorrow so we only drank one beer which likely contributed to lull in conversation. She was laughing a lot. I failed tremendously at the close of the date and did not kiss her (she would have but I ****ed it up). Ugh, idiot. Anyway, she said I should definitely contact her when I'm back in town.

I have a wedding this weekend, so I'm gone Friday-Sunday and she's busy as **** with summer school+work+teaching class at gym. Earlier this week, I told her I was unavailable Thursday, but that changed. During the date she asked when the next hockey game was. I said Thursday, she said, "I know what I'm doing when I get home after work on Thursday."

Question: I was thinking about calling her tomorrow afternoon and saying I had a great time, my Thursday opened up and if she wants to watch the game somewhere. Too soon?

Nice work. And yes definitely make plans with her tomorrow to watch the game together Thursday. And then invite her back to your place for a drink afterwards if things still go well.

Yes, I find superficial crap super boring and hate it (i.e. I own televisions but rarely, if ever, watch them). However I'm working on being "normal" now. I'm one for one with the opener "Hey how can you visit my profile and now leave a message! [something witty]" Hat tip to whoever here came up with it. Got a response and immediately transitioned to a "superficial" question, which also got a response.

Small sample size, but in my experience the woman makes it abundantly clear whether she wants you to reach out again or not. Also, "great time" is implied if you're calling her again, try playing hard to get.

I need to start using this line. For every 10 messages I send, I would say 9 out of 10 at least view my profile, but as far as actual messages back, it's maybe 1 out of 10. Or I'm just running bad lately. Or I'm ugly. Got a date tonight tho. Stealin' ur gurlz ATF.

So you message, get a view, no response, and then use this line? Isn't double messaging a no-no, or am I making that up? I guess it's low risk though, worst case she just still doesn't message you

Does anyone else get a little tilted when girls cold open you with "hi" or "hey there". I mean they don't like it when guys do this, why should it be any different for us?

because they can? no different than at a bar.

You mean begin their message with "hi" or that's all they have in their message? If the latter, I would never bother responding to her. If the former, that seems perfectly standard.