ATF,

Please post the whole text exchange, thanks.

Her: "hi! "

Me: "hey! what are you up to?"

"not much, thinking about maybe kissing you. what are you doing?"

"oh really? i'm in ____ playing poker"

"getting lucky?"

"that depends "

"depends on what?"

"depends on how i play my hand"

[no response]

Me: "i guess i played it wrong "

"Lol - i'm sorry. maybe next hand?"

"i hope so "

[then she starts asking poker questions]

"that depends"

"depends on what?"

"on your plans for [day youre available]. drinks?"

Do you need a job? lol I was trying to think of ways of determining whether she'd be up for meeting much much later in the evening / morning hours without making it so blatant. The other issue is she doesn't seem like much of a drinker (left both of her drinks unfinished at the two places we went to) and for some reason I'm self-conscious about suggesting drinks again as an activity. I left her last message without a response and today texted "didn't mean to leave you hanging. was told to put down the phone and play cards".

My post-date text game is weak; it's already blown it with Mercedes who stopped responding. This girl was on my case for like 2 weeks before we actually met up. As such I think I'm better off laying back and letting her reach out. I already regret that I sent the text I did today.

ATF,

"I'm stuck here with my poker buddies for another 3-4 hours, but lemme know if you wanna get together late late for post-poker celebration (or recuperation). Otherwise, how about Tuesday night?"

idk why youre worried about being so obvious... instead i guess youre aiming for thinly veiled but still super obvious to anyone with half a brain


the girls you are dating are older and are probably gonna appreciate youre obviousness anyway

ATF,

Your problem is not your "post-date text game." Your problem is your performance on the dates.

Mostly because this is all new to me and am clueless about what's "normal". But I was wondering about this, specifically whether women in their 30s appreciate / expect the candor.

True that. I'm getting better though I think. Out of the last three, two have led to more post-date interaction than the rejection text. And the other one caveated her rejection by making clear that she was upset that I called her hood a ghetto. I think as I'm racking up the experience I'm starting to come off more natural.

the poker hand talk was awful. yeota's hypothetical text was obv best

This girl's aggressiveness is kinda scary. She texted me back and asked what I'm doing. When I said I was going to run some errands but will be free later she responded that she's going to be "girly shopping" at a mall which is near me (she lives 20-30 min away) and that we could meet up after. Girly shopping is code for lingerie am I right?

Not necessarily. It could just mean shopping, which many women enjoy. I wouldn't read anything into it other than she wants to hang out.

ATF,

Wtf is wrong with you? Wtf is aggressive or scary about someone you've talked to about hanging out more texting you to see what's up and letting you know when they're available/nearby?

ATF,

Just realized YOU actually initiated the texting exchange today.

Jesus ****ing Christ, if she doesn't reply you'd be like "stupid flaky women, what annoying bitches" and when she does reply you're like "wow scary aggressive this woman, replying to my text and wanting to hang out."

So my reply should or should not be "do you want to start where we left off or meet me somewhere?" ???

Kinda stalkerish to happen to go to a mall that's basically 5 min away from me when she lives in the city, which is full of stores?

El D, the 2nd date is uncharted territory for me, cut me a little slack bro. Only previous one was with biter and that's when I got scolded for bait and switching her into hanging at my place.

ATF,

How the **** do you function in society in day to day life?

Ok let's take this slow.

1) what would you like to do with her?
2) text her suggesting you do 1)

ATF- I notice you out-smileyed her 3-1 in that exchange. Let's dial that back a little.

El D,

Drink and then try to **** her. Problem is we drank on our first date, she's apparently not much of a drinker but I'm socially awkward / insecure and could use the buzz to loosen up a bit.

ETA: She said she would be done around 6ish which likely means she's angling for a meal right?

Sly,

Smiley use was tactical.

ATF,

"I'm gonna grab a beer at <local bar>, swing by when you finish up and we'll figure out a plan."

I feel like this is not at all standard barring crazy chemistry, in which case it doesn't really matter what you do.

El D,

That's really good. Some of her pre-date texts* and her forwardness on the date is starting to make me think that this chick may just be DTF, meaning I could save the money (she did not offer to step into any of the tab on our date, which I've always refused but do appreciate it).

* She mentioned making out ("where do you like to get your make out on?") in one text and I said I don't kiss on a first date. She responded with "but 2nd date anything goes right?" and then immediately sent another text "But I think it's sweet that you don't". This in addition to her "you should romance your dates in [my town]", "can't wait to see how you woo me", "thinking of maybe kissing you", and the fact that she basically made it clear on our date that she wants to **** me is pretty solid evidence that she's in it to get ****ed.

ATF,

Jesus christ, dude, stop obsessing over every single text she sends and just go have a drink with her and if she wants to ****, ****, and if she doesn't, don't.

Your conversation IRL is prob just as tiresome/boring, which is likely a big factor in your lack of second dates.

Yeah.....man. All of that. There is no way you don't come across as neurotic and lacking self confidence if you're constantly questioning every minute detail of your correspondence. We all get texts or conversations with girls that either didn't sit well with us or we run through our heads a few times...the difference is realizing the importance (or lack thereof) of these little things to the grand scheme.
You don't need to have it spelled out that you two are gonna ****. Go for drinks, if it seems like she's down to go ****, ask her if she wants to go somewhere more private. Either she says yes or no, and hopefully even you won't overanalyze it from there.

I think that a lot of what this dude wrote was pretty good, but this section is ****ing awful. Most girls do NOT want to be called ANY pet names until you've built up attraction and chemistry. If they DO want it, they'll start it first by calling you 'cutie' or some other awful **** like that

ATF you're reading too much into these texts. If you want to **** her, just invite her for drinks and stop worrying about texts.

For example, when a girl responds she's going to be done around 6, she probably means she's going to be done around 6 and is not implying dinner. Overthinking 101