Two Plus Two Publishing LLC
Two Plus Two Publishing LLC
 

Go Back   Two Plus Two Poker Forums > >

Notices

Other Other Topics Discussion of arts & entertainment, pop culture, food & drink, health and exercise, fashion, relationships, work, and just about anything else in life except poker, sports, religion and politics.

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 12-15-2012, 08:26 PM   #601
BadLieutenant
veteran
 
BadLieutenant's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2006
Posts: 2,063
Re: Online dating thread

Quote:
Originally Posted by El Diablo View Post
BL,

This is absurd: "If you let them spend the night after you had sex on the first date she will ignore you most of the time."
k brah, I'll try to explain it in more detail tomorrow. Its time to go out and harass girls. Somebody's gotta do it.
BadLieutenant is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-15-2012, 08:30 PM   #602
Fabian
Carpal \'Tunnel
 
Fabian's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: Sweden
Posts: 9,296
Re: Online dating thread

El D,

k brah?
Fabian is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-15-2012, 09:13 PM   #603
NickMPK
Carpal \'Tunnel
 
Join Date: Jan 2006
Posts: 9,740
Re: Online dating thread

OK, here’s tedious detail from my last four internet dates: (very TL;DR!)

Background: I’m a 33-yo new professor at a prestigious school in a big Midwestern city. I lived my entire life on the East coast (different cities for my BA, JD, and PhD), and moved recently knowing absolutely zero people. I had a girlfriend for about 1.5 years before moving….she broke up with me mostly because she never wanted to move out of the state. (I was also briefly married before even starting my PhD program.)

I’m on OKCupid, Match, and POF, but most people I meet through OKCupid. Most girls I go out with are 25-30. I have a couple times been out with someone much younger, because she wrote me first…I don’t message much younger girls primarily because I want to avoid inadvertently hitting on undergrads at my school.

My typical model for these dates is usually to suggest a nice bar/lounge/brewery in the trendier part of the city first. I’ll often suggest somewhere I’ve never been, since I want to try to get to know places in the city. Occasionally, I will suggest dinner, but I’ve moved away from this. After a few drinks, if this seems to go well, I will suggest going to one of two divier bars near my apartment (where I know we can get a booth and thus sit close) for beers and a snack. And if this goes well, I suggest walking to my place to watch a movie or John Stewart.


I’ll do these in reverse chronological order: (Note I will not post pictures of girls w/out their permission!)

Date #4:
This one is boring. Girl was a 27-yo medical resident, very Italian, from RI, slightly thick but still very cute. She “winked” at me on Match. Went out last Friday to nice lounge a few blocks from my place.

I think we each had two cocktails. Very nice discussion, we talked about having both lived in DC/MD, Game of Thrones, restaurants we had tried, the US healthcare system, my dissertation (ugh! I know this is a mistake, but for some reason girls always want to know what it’s about). The conversation never turns particularly flirty or sexual. At some point, I suggest we get sushi the following week, and she agrees, but we don’t make specific plans. She insists on not having more than two drinks, and declines my offer to go somewhere else, so I just walk her to her car.

I text her on Sunday and ask if she want to go for sushi that week, but never hear back. I’m not particularly surprised about this one.


Date #3:
Girl was 30-yo who worked for an advertising agency. She messaged me on OKCupid, and seemed very enthusiastic about me in all our online interactions. She was blonde and athletic, but did look a little older than most of the girls I go out with. My impression is her job is basically like Pete on Mad Men, but with a lot more internet. This is last Thursday and we go to a trendy bar (craft cocktails, small plates, etc), which turned out to be very crowded because the place next door had a water main break.

We have each have three drinks and a very good discussion….strangely, we talk a good while about agricultural patents, as her biggest client markets genetically modified soy. But we talk about all sorts of stuff, and it seems to be going well, as she is in no hurry to leave, laughs more than I would expect at a few of my stories, and introduces me to two coworkers she randomly see there.

After three drinks, I suggest we go to a bar near my place, and she agrees. We took separate cars; she ends up getting there slightly before me, and already has a table and a Manhattan. I get an IPA and order a snack to share. Prior to this, I thought the date was going great, but when I try to touch gently touch her thigh or arm, she doesn’t seem very receptive. We talk mostly about online dating experiences. After we finish our drinks, she mentions she needs to get to work early. I let her know she can crash at my place, or even just hang out there for a while and sober up (I was legitimately a little concerned about her driving), but she insists she’s fine. As we walk to her car, I suggest we get together again Saturday night…she says she has something to do that afternoon, but should be free in the evening.

I text her back later that night saying I hope she got home safely and again suggesting we go out Saturday. She text back the next day just saying she had a nice time (nothing about getting together again). As it turns out, I get quite sick on Saturday and can’t try to arrange anything. I text her the next day saying I was sick and asking if she wanted to go out again that week, but I never get a response.


Date #2:
OK, I was lying a bit about this one, because we actually went on a second date, but both were so short I’m not sure it really counts.

Girl was a 29-yo in her last year of law-school at my school. Prior to law school, she was an art dealer in London. She’s brunette, skinny, and extremely attractive. Originally from Texas, but very liberal. I messaged her first on OKCupid. She is one of the few girls I actually chatted with on that site, during which she suggested going to a brewery.

This sounds good to me, and we meet a week ago Tuesday…unfortunately, we meet at 9 and the brewery closes at 11. By closing time, we are the only ones there and they are flipping up the chairs around us. In the two hours, we each had two beers and shared a cheese plate. We have a nice talk about the art scene in London, and her current efforts to get people out of jail (she’s in a criminal defense clinic). At one point she mentions a French bistro in the city I need to try…I suggest we get brunch there, and she’s says we should go on Sunday. She says she has to work early the next morning, but I feel OK about this since we’ve already scheduled the next date.

I send her a silly text the next day, which also asked about brunch….she replied a while later confirming for Sunday. We meet up Sunday at noon, and brunch is indeed delicious (eggs benedict!). We talk about her visit to the prison the previous Friday, the final exam I am writing for my con law class, and her future career plans (she seems to think she can start her own practice getting court-appointed criminal defendants, which sounds crazy to me!) . But beyond that, I’m not sure we have a lot in common…she loves skiing and sailing, neither of which I have ever done, and I talk about my experience as a musician, which she doesn’t really seem to relate to. She INSISTS on paying half the bill (that hasn’t happened in a while!), and says she needs to visit a sick friend that afternoon. We walk to her car, and along the way actually talk about my poker experiences…it is cold and she is way underdressed, so I offer her my jacket, but she declines. Adding all this up, I figure there’s no future here, but when we get to her car she offers that her last exam is Friday (which is yesterday), and we should go out again after that. I say sure and kiss her goodbye, honestly surprised she volunteered a third date.

I text her on Wednesday to try to coordinate, but she replied that had a party Friday night but would get back to me Friday afternoon. I text her yesterday but she didn’t respond, and tried one more time this morning.


Date #1:
This one actually happened the weekend before Thanksgiving, shortly before I went back to the east coast for a week. The girl is 21-yo, originally from NJ, and a new grad student at my school (not my department). She messaged me first on OKCupid, as I am wary of seeking out girls that are so much younger. She’s extremely thin, brunette, cute but honestly the least attractive of the four. But she’s extraordinarily smart, and graduated from Harvard when she was 20.

We actually go to the same lounge as Date #4 on a Friday night. She’s a little late (difficult parking), so I have almost finished my first drink when she arrives. We have great conversation while there, talking about shared experiences in NJ, at Harvard (12 years apart!), and in academia. We also discuss the obvious age difference, and she talks about always feeling more comfortable around older men. I have three drinks, she has two, and I suggest we go somewhere else. We walk somewhat aimlessly in the direction of apartment; I lightly put my arm around her waist as we walk. When we get to the intersection at my place, I suggest we could go there, but she says she shouldn’t do that on a first date. So I suggest the pub and we go there.

We get a booth, each order a beer and a little food. I don’t totally remember what we talked about, but I massaged her thigh under the table without resistance. When done there, I again ask if she want to go to my apartment, and promise to “be a gentlemen”. On this condition, she agrees. We watch a movie there, laying on top of each other the whole time. We make out pretty heavily in my bed after it’s over, but she ultimately resists going all the way, and insists “maybe next time”. I drive her back home at around 4am. I tell her I am gone for the next week, and we agree to get back in touch when I get back.

I text her the day I get back (Monday after Thanksgiving), and ask if she wants to go out Tuesday. She says she is busy Tuesday but suggests later in the week. So I suggest Thursday, but on Thursday she texts me saying how swamped she is and suggests going out on the weekend. I try to arrange something on Saturday, but she never responds after this. This one really had me befuddled!


Cliffs: I go out with four girls from the internet, and they all ignore me after the first date.
NickMPK is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-15-2012, 09:38 PM   #604
El Diablo
Carpal \'Tunnel
 
El Diablo's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2002
Location: Parts Unknown
Posts: 70,566
Nick,

Three things:

1) I think overall you're doing pretty ok.
2) it feels like you're trying too hard and trying to get a million topics in and get to know each other really well on the first date. I think you'll do a lot better if you take a much more fun and casual approach on the first date and instead of finding out if this is a potential relationship, just have fun and see if you're attracted to each other and don't think she's boring/an idiot/annoying/whatever. Focus more on fun and flirting, less at life compatibility and soulmate evaluation.
3) be a little less available and eager with your followup communications when you're in this very initial phase
El Diablo is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-15-2012, 09:48 PM   #605
Hold'em 07
Carpal \'Tunnel
 
Hold'em 07's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2005
Posts: 18,313
Re: Online dating thread

Quote:
Originally Posted by NickMPK View Post
I text her on Wednesday to try to coordinate, but she replied that had a party Friday night but would get back to me Friday afternoon. I text her yesterday but she didnít respond, and tried one more time this morning.
Hold'em 07 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-15-2012, 10:00 PM   #606
sharpyetblunt
Pooh-Bah
 
sharpyetblunt's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Edinburgh
Posts: 3,607
Re: Online dating thread

not a fan of the organsing or asking for a 2nd date on the first date. Makes it awkward for the person to refuse.
sharpyetblunt is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-15-2012, 10:06 PM   #607
ZBTHorton
Carpal \'Tunnel
 
Join Date: Oct 2004
Posts: 19,870
Re: Online dating thread

Nick,

I think you're doing really well and I'd try not to let it get to you. I really don't think there is much info we can get from those descriptions. You seem to have a reasonable plan for the evening, you seem to be walking the line between groping and complete non contact, and you seem to be following up in a non completely psycho desperate kind of way. I personally think I'd lay off any sort of second date type talk unless it is very easily slipped into the conversation(like the brunch thing).

The one thing I will say is that I find it crazy that you've met people this educated on your dates recently, is that something your specifically looking for? I would think very educated professional women would also be a little more picky about what they are looking for, along with being busier people in general that may be tough to get a "relationship" started. Just a thought though.
ZBTHorton is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-15-2012, 10:07 PM   #608
Burdzthewurd
Carpal \'Tunnel
 
Burdzthewurd's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: WE THE PEOPLE
Posts: 10,931
Re: Online dating thread

I'd almost like to not text girls anything but plans after date 1. Do you all meet as much resistance to phone conversations as I do, though? Feels like anyone I've dated under 35 hated using their phone for anything but texting.
Burdzthewurd is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-15-2012, 10:07 PM   #609
El Diablo
Carpal \'Tunnel
 
El Diablo's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2002
Location: Parts Unknown
Posts: 70,566
Sharpy,

I agree, though I do think it's usually a positive to talk about future stuff you'll do in the abstract.
El Diablo is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-15-2012, 10:09 PM   #610
NickMPK
Carpal \'Tunnel
 
Join Date: Jan 2006
Posts: 9,740
Re: Online dating thread

Quote:
Originally Posted by sharpyetblunt View Post
not a fan of the organsing or asking for a 2nd date on the first date. Makes it awkward for the person to refuse.
I don't really see what's wrong with this. It's only awkward if the other person doesn't want to go out again. If both parties want to go out again, it seems like this makes things easier.

If the girl doesn't want to get out again, she'll usually vaguely agree to another date and flake later on. But you'll usually get some information from the tone of her response, as opposed to no information from not asking at all. And if she was never going to go out again anyway, what does it matter if you make her feel momentarily awkward?
NickMPK is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-15-2012, 10:09 PM   #611
garcia1001
old hand
 
garcia1001's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2012
Posts: 1,498
Re: Online dating thread

Nick,
You seem like a pretty normal person. What you're probably missing is physical contact. Extremely important, be sure to touch them in non-sexual areas (arms and shoulders usually) in a casual way as if that's totally normal for you.

amazin,
I think you are pretty creepy, my advice does not apply to you. Don't touch women unless they touch you first.
garcia1001 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-15-2012, 10:09 PM   #612
Burdzthewurd
Carpal \'Tunnel
 
Burdzthewurd's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: WE THE PEOPLE
Posts: 10,931
Re: Online dating thread

Quote:
Originally Posted by sharpyetblunt View Post
not a fan of the organsing or asking for a 2nd date on the first date. Makes it awkward for the person to refuse.
Laugh all you want, but in the dating book by Patti Stanger from Millionaire Matchmaker (which is technically for women but it has stuff for men, too), she recommends getting a 2nd date at the end of the 1st, if it's going well. I suppose this might come off creepy to 99% of the girls BL or amazin targets, but I think for women over 30 or just more mature, it seems like a good play.
Burdzthewurd is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-15-2012, 10:11 PM   #613
ZBTHorton
Carpal \'Tunnel
 
Join Date: Oct 2004
Posts: 19,870
Re: Online dating thread

Quote:
Originally Posted by Burdzthewurd View Post
I'd almost like to not text girls anything but plans after date 1. Do you all meet as much resistance to phone conversations as I do, though? Feels like anyone I've dated under 35 hated using their phone for anything but texting.
Texting is so much less personal, it seems like it was almost made for dating.
ZBTHorton is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-15-2012, 10:22 PM   #614
El Diablo
Carpal \'Tunnel
 
El Diablo's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2002
Location: Parts Unknown
Posts: 70,566
All,

Re: the second date, I just think it takes you out of the moment a bit and also at very early stages eliminates some of the anticipation/excitement part. Without getting all PUA, yeah, I do think it's a good thing when the girl is texting her BFF "had an awesome time I really hope he asks me out again!" after her date and wondering a little bit rather than having everything all set.

Re: texting, I think it's great and pretty much never talk on the phone. Perfect for coordination and light chatter, and then have the real personal interactions, you know, in person...
El Diablo is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-15-2012, 10:41 PM   #615
NickMPK
Carpal \'Tunnel
 
Join Date: Jan 2006
Posts: 9,740
Re: Online dating thread

Quote:
Originally Posted by ZBTHorton View Post
Nick,

The one thing I will say is that I find it crazy that you've met people this educated on your dates recently, is that something your specifically looking for? I would think very educated professional women would also be a little more picky about what they are looking for, along with being busier people in general that may be tough to get a "relationship" started. Just a thought though.
As far as the education thing goes, this is definitely the sort of woman that my profile attracts. I think women with a lot of education also tend to think education is important in a mate, and ultimately want a guy who is more educated than they are. And I am one of a small percentage of guys on OKC who is actually more educated than a law or med school grad.

I know from experience that a 28-yo lawyer is much more likely to respond to me than a 20-yo wearing lingerie in her profile pic. So I don't bother writing to the latter. If the lingerie girl wants to message me first, I would certainly write back, but that never happens. And the 28-yo lawyer actually messages me first on occasion (although most cold-messages I get are still from frumpy 36-yos telling me their life story).
NickMPK is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-15-2012, 10:52 PM   #616
Abbaddabba
Pooh-Bah
 
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: Toronto
Posts: 4,697
Re: Online dating thread

Quote:
Originally Posted by Burdzthewurd View Post
Laugh all you want, but in the dating book by Patti Stanger from Millionaire Matchmaker (which is technically for women but it has stuff for men, too), she recommends getting a 2nd date at the end of the 1st, if it's going well. I suppose this might come off creepy to 99% of the girls BL or amazin targets, but I think for women over 30 or just more mature, it seems like a good play.
the same patty who's still single and looking for someone to have babies with into her 50s?

the show is entertaining, but half the people posting in this thread would probably make for better dating coaches.
Abbaddabba is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-15-2012, 11:02 PM   #617
ZBTHorton
Carpal \'Tunnel
 
Join Date: Oct 2004
Posts: 19,870
Re: Online dating thread

Quote:
Originally Posted by NickMPK View Post
As far as the education thing goes, this is definitely the sort of woman that my profile attracts. I think women with a lot of education also tend to think education is important in a mate, and ultimately want a guy who is more educated than they are. And I am one of a small percentage of guys on OKC who is actually more educated than a law or med school grad.

I know from experience that a 28-yo lawyer is much more likely to respond to me than a 20-yo wearing lingerie in her profile pic. So I don't bother writing to the latter. If the lingerie girl wants to message me first, I would certainly write back, but that never happens. And the 28-yo lawyer actually messages me first on occasion (although most cold-messages I get are still from frumpy 36-yos telling me their life story).
I completely understand why you like educated women, I just think it's going to be a higher variance route because most of those women are going to kind of know what they are looking for. You may not have the chance for them to discover that you might be more compatible than they think.
ZBTHorton is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-15-2012, 11:03 PM   #618
Burdzthewurd
Carpal \'Tunnel
 
Burdzthewurd's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: WE THE PEOPLE
Posts: 10,931
Quote:
Originally Posted by Abbaddabba View Post
the same patty who's still single and looking for someone to have babies with into her 50s?

the show is entertaining, but half the people posting in this thread would probably make for better dating coaches.
Those who can't do, teach IMO
Burdzthewurd is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-15-2012, 11:06 PM   #619
El Diablo
Carpal \'Tunnel
 
El Diablo's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2002
Location: Parts Unknown
Posts: 70,566
ZBT,

I think that's gonna be the case with anyone who wants to go out with high quality women, regardless of what specifically "high quality" means to you.
El Diablo is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-15-2012, 11:08 PM   #620
ZBTHorton
Carpal \'Tunnel
 
Join Date: Oct 2004
Posts: 19,870
Re: Online dating thread

Quote:
Originally Posted by El Diablo View Post
ZBT,

I think that's gonna be the case with anyone who wants to go out with high quality women, regardless of what specifically "high quality" means to you.
Agreed.

And that's why he shouldn't get down on himself just because a few of them haven't worked out.
ZBTHorton is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-15-2012, 11:12 PM   #621
THAY3R
Carpal \'Tunnel
 
THAY3R's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: Que?
Posts: 34,138
Re: Online dating thread

Let's talk about Harvard beb
THAY3R is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-16-2012, 02:12 AM   #622
NickMPK
Carpal \'Tunnel
 
Join Date: Jan 2006
Posts: 9,740
Re: Online dating thread

Quote:
Originally Posted by ZBTHorton View Post
Agreed.

And that's why he shouldn't get down on himself just because a few of them haven't worked out.
I agree that any particular failure is no big deal, and largely expected. But I feel like I've had so many in a row. If each one was for an idiosyncratic reason, that would be fine and I would just keep going on how I am. However, it sure would be nice to know if they had something in common that was within my control to change. But girls are almost never going to volunteer a reason.
NickMPK is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-16-2012, 03:16 AM   #623
amazinmets73
Pooh-Bah
 
Join Date: Oct 2006
Posts: 5,103
Re: Online dating thread

Quote:
Originally Posted by garcia1001 View Post
Nick,
You seem like a pretty normal person. What you're probably missing is physical contact. Extremely important, be sure to touch them in non-sexual areas (arms and shoulders usually) in a casual way as if that's totally normal for you.

amazin,
I think you are pretty creepy, my advice does not apply to you. Don't touch women unless they touch you first.
I'm not creepy!
amazinmets73 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-16-2012, 03:30 AM   #624
MillimeterPeter
Ring Bear
 
MillimeterPeter's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: grinding donkaments
Posts: 5,049
Quote:
Originally Posted by THAY3R View Post
Let's talk about Harvard beb
wp
MillimeterPeter is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-16-2012, 05:38 AM   #625
amazinmets73
Pooh-Bah
 
Join Date: Oct 2006
Posts: 5,103
Re: Online dating thread

I'm uneducated in the traditional sense. I plan on lying about my education if I meet an educated woman. I'll claim some college, at a New York area instituation. I think the odds of getting caught are very low.
amazinmets73 is offline   Reply With Quote

Reply
      

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off


Forum Jump


All times are GMT -4. The time now is 09:20 AM.


Powered by vBulletin®
Copyright ©2000 - 2018, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
Copyright © 2008-2017, Two Plus Two Interactive
 
 
Poker Players - Streaming Live Online