A first date a couple of months ago, it was snowing heavily for about five minutes when I left the office for this basement bar and got on the Underground. Anyway the date was terrible and I needed to call if off after 30 mins, so I said 'Uh, I might need to go soon because when the snow gets thick it often causes problems with my train route home' (I'm in London ldo).

She looked a bit confused. Then we got into the open air there was zero snow on the ground and none falling. Pretty awkward since we were unmistakably going the same way together back to the Underground. Not the most quick-thinking moment I have had.

i'll drop something in here for some insight maybe. not really online dating but most of the contact so far is digital so whatever

so i'm from the netherlands, met this girl from el salvador who studies in germany just over the border from where i live, same age as me in my regular bar somewhere late 2012 when i was there with a classmate of mine. she added both of us on fb on the spot.

chatted with her through fb the day after and fairly frequently from there on out. fwiw i know from my classmate that he and her also chatted through fb a bit but that stopped since new years eve.

like 3 months i think later she tells me she will be in my city again and so we arrange to meet up in the same bar we met. does this constitute a date? lol **** knows. anyway i read some book on body language a while ago hah and noticed hers was pretty great. very open and we had a great time imo. no (awkward) silences and just drank some beers and a few shots together. chatted mainly about school/music/random stuff and had a laugh, danced for like 1 minute too. she had to get her last bus back to germany pretty early though at like 11 so we said goodbye (just a hug and maybe a 2 kiss on the cheek deal i'm not sure anymore) and that was that. she PMed me on fb next day saying something like "last night was good" and asked about what did i do for the rest of the evening etc.

i didnt have whatsapp since last month (dunno what the whatsapp culture is like in the USA but in the netherlands and germany everyone with a smartphone has it. i assumed everyone everywhere did but some english people i know seem pretty alien to it so i dunno..)

so last month i tell her on fb chat i finally got whatsapp, 5 mins later she starts talkin to me on there. we chat some random stuff about her new place or w/e and next day she sends me a pic through there of her new haircut. this keeps up a few weeks with off and on chat til last week she says "hey would u like to visit me one day i can take with my semester ticket from the uni during weekends" pretty bad english by her as usual. i went ye that would be good.

no more convo since that til like 3 days ago where she whatsapped me with "hey what are u up to, i was gonna go to ur city today but blablabla* came up "


long fkn story but i guess i'm just lookin for some insight, do you think she is interested romantically? on one hand i'm thinking yes cause she kept up convo with me for long while she didnt with my other mate that she met on the same evening, we had sort of a meetup thing, she doesnt have a bf, she's sending me pics through whatsapp, she's asking me to meet her in her city.

but on the other hand our meetup didnt really have much 'romantic' undertones with just a quick hug/kiss on the cheek as a goodbye and no real flirty talk beside some good body language.

obv i'd like to meet her there or next time she's here but it would suck traveling to some different country if she wasnt interested, so any insight on what to think and/or say through whatsapp for now etc would be cool

Don't sell yourself short. From what you say, it def sounds like she is into you, probably to hook up and be friends

37 is middle aged?

this gives her way too easy of an out.

if you wanna go along these lines, "see you at XX" is much better.

Dale, seems you were right about Match. Over half the girls I wrote haven't read my message.

Hard to see how it's worth the 60 bucks

Chances of ATF being a level went from <1% to at least 10%, maybe higher. Kudos to whoever spotted it first if so.

ATF- LOL at a girl sending you an extra digit and you thinking she did it on purpose. LOL at still talking to her after the Russian guy thing. LOL at thinking about taking her to a spa. LOL at thinking the girl who is blowing you off is doing so because she might have found this thread. (Hi Ali! ) LOL at ignoring my advice about not sending such a complimentary message to a girl who is blowing you off and instead sending her a message talking about your kiss. LOL! Come on man. Level?

Wait, how did you call her and talk to the Russian if the phone number had an extra digit?

Sly, believe me, I wish I were a level. I don't know if it's bad luck, my approach, or whatever... but my experiences thus far seem well outside of standard???

1) I was brand new to the site and had zero idea what it was all about. To put some perspective on how out of my element I was; around the same time, 2 girls sent me their numbers and I CALLED THEM within 15 minutes of receipt lol

2) The Russian guy thing was my joke to her reopen. I never tried the original digits bc of the 1 extra on the end. She responded with "Seriously? My voice mail is me meowing".

3) She proposed the spa; the one she suggested exists and is classy. However dontknowifserious.jpg

4) Probably true but who knows? She made a point to say she wanted to come back to our convo about the "poker players who discuss online dating"

5) Kiss message was my original post-date text. I swear I cringe just thinking about it. The second, beyond saying I had fun, was [idea, day, we can continue talking about 'shared-laugh topic' from date 1]

If you guys want, to add some visual imagery to this cluster****, I'll post the pics of the girls that I've gone out with.

Ah okay, you confused me on the Russian guy thing. Post the photos!!!

if I was a girl, and I was supposed to see someone at 7, and they texted me saying "see you at 7" id be like "uh ok".


my version doesnt involve any self doubt, its not like "we still on?" its more, "we're on". D10s question specifically had no indications that the girl would flake. If you are expecting her to flake i still prefer mine- what are you gonna do if she doesnt respond? im not gonna go. with yours a response is not necessary so she can still flake on you.

Yeah do that. Not that it will change any of the advice you're getting, but pics are always welcome here.

Whatever you do, don't take the girl to the spa. You're a real sucker if you do that for a first date.

I'm glad there's some debate on this because I thought I might have been overanalyzing a simple thing before. And I feel like both of these methods could turn a girl off. I think the question can be read as insecure. Probably less likely the longer it's been since the date was set, but for example I set a date yesterday afternoon for tonight. It *should* be kind of rare for plans to change within 24 hours other than just an outright flake, so questioning that so soon feels bad to me. On the other hand, just saying "See you at 7" when the last thing we talked about yesterday was seeing eachother at 7 seems redundant and I'd be surprised if she sees that as anything other than validation seeking.

There are probably two different approaches to take based on whether you think a flake is likely and you're still half way convincing her to come out, or if she seemed interested and you're just trying to get a final confirmation. I'm mostly interested in the latter for now (humblebrag). Maybe just telling her that 7 still works for me and leaving it at that? Mostly I'm just trying to reassure her that I'll be there as planned because I think it's a courteous thing to do and it can ease her nerves ahead of an event that most girls find a bit stressful.

FWIW, D10 I thought you response was fine and think its kinda ridiculous to debate it. Don't over think

What about just "7pm at XXX?" Much better than "Are we still good...?"

"see you at 7" is bad b/c if she doesn't reply you're screwed.

If I set something up several days ahead of time, I text her that morning and say something like, "Just confirming we're getting together at X time today. See you then." It's really not a big deal what words you choose. If she wants to met you she's going to be there. Confirming a date made several days before is completely standard. Just be normal and she won't think anything of it.

to clarify: i wouldn't send either one. but I think yours definitely gives her too easy of an out if she was having any second thoughts. IDK how you are claiming it is more like "were on" than "we still on?" when your original version had a question mark at the end.

i think overt confirmation texts are bad in general. just send something funny pulled from earlier conversation that alludes to the fact that you'll be seeing teacher that night.

Yeah. Although the place has a restaurant / bar and the prospect of continuing to a steam room / hot pool is enticing, I'm not going to blow that kind of cash for a first date. No matter how attractive the woman. I've been thinking about completely overhauling my strategy anyhow. A girl I'm friends with also started online dating recently and with the 2nd dude she went out with... she not only drove an hour to pick the guy up, paid for her drinks, covered the tab on pool and bowling, but also ****ed him. WTF?

Just added a new photo and for the first time in a very long time got a first message.
Normally I'd just link but since ATF is in full-force and people are still reading, yall gettin inlined


FeelsGoodMan

Kp,

It's a good photo, how.old are.you?

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Oh, Lord.

well that works except you want something she should respond to to confirm. otherwise if you just make a statement she can ignore you and flake.


i dont online date though so no idea how much flaking happens, seems like decent chunk from reading the thread tho.

I've had only two flakeouts over the course of nine months and ~30 dates. I've been fairly selective and with decent dialogue at minimum though

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Why do you ask? How old do I look?