I'm 5' 8", fml. But I should be in that 175 range by fall.

YTF, how much do you weigh now? My guess would be 280.

Wow, the pictures facing the mirror are infinitely more impressive for ytf than this side angle.

Yeah, I wasn't going to say anything, it honestly looks like a much older picture than the ones in H&F.

Ytf,

I'm not sure if that's actually a current pic or if you're just messing with us.

If that is current, no, you are definitely not anywhere near average.

Date: 2012:06:29 20:43:02

Hey guys, any chance anyone can have a quick look at my profile and comment a bit? Single since November and been doing online dating since January. I'd be happy to do the same for anyone http://www.pof.com/viewprofile.aspx?profile_id=53487856

I'd like to be pulling girls who are a 7 ish if that's realistic. As it stands I get quite a few initial messages but as with everyone they're mostly undesirables. I set the bar pretty high messaging all the hottest girls with my token spam message and tweaking each one to fit each. I have managed to get a few 8s and 9s to respond





but it's hard to sustain the convo with this level. The top one actually favourited me and responded to my message but she didn't respond to my response, that was two weeks ago. One more message?
Obv I mix in a few more realistic ones too.

I came off another website and joined Match too but I do put a fair bit of work into POF, just seems it has its ebb and flows. I got 13 girls email with both initial and responses one Sunday but then I could have days with no responses Tough to predict.

So far on POF I have been a bit too picky probably. I had one date with this really cute girl (a nurse) and really liked her. We talked for 4 hours, went to two bars and round the market, started kinda stroking her leg, she was receptive, felt natural, we made out outside and I suggested meeting again. She said she was free on Thursday and I should text. So I text afterwards saying, had a good time, then she texts back next day saying she is gonna decline a second date since she thought we had nothing in common lol.

On the other site I had four dates with someone I got really attached to, we went all the way and things just felt great when I was with her, but I blew it by mentioning relationships... then there were a couple of one night things, one of which unrelated to dating websites.

I've got three dates sorted for the next week and a bit on POF and one second date on Match, but I kinda feel the second date we only just had enough to talk about on the first outing so might do something like a film...

I took a couple days off and went out to some night clubs this weekend. Wow, had no idea Tampa had so many hot girls. Made me want to forget about online dating and work on my live game.

In anycase, I'm joining Match . I'll buy a subscription tomorrow. Here's my current profile, along with my OKC profile. Advice is appreciated.

http://www.match.com/profile/edit/

http://www.okcupid.com/profile/Insid...os?cf=profile#

Nah, I was just messing with you El D, that was one of my "before" pics. You've seen all the pics I've got in the H&F thread. I'm clearly not quite "average" yet.

For my dates I always insist on stepping into the entire check, I plan them in a way to make it most convenient for the woman, I offer to pick them up. I don't know if that's optimal or not, it's just how I was raised to treat women.

Any thoughts on potential benefits of being more "cold blooded," i.e. make them cough-up some cash, put effort into getting to the destination, etc?

I see that many of you here, as well as guys I know who are in the dating scene, are getting follow-ups, where at the very least the girl is thanking you for the date. Although I go out of my way (literally and figuratively) in almost every respect, not one of my dates has had the courtesy of initiating with as much as a simple thank you. Last night included, which I'll write a TR for later. I'm beginning to wonder if putting in "so much" of the effort is not casting me as a bit of a chump.

ATF,

Don't offer to pick them up. That comes off as super creepy to most women doing online dating. Trust me. They don't want you to know where they live. It sounds like you might be coming off as too much, but I don't think making things convenient for them is necessarily your problem. Just try to be more normal.

ATF,

What dale said.

See I thought the same but all but one of the women I've gone out with have either accepted my offer to pick them up or suggested that I park near their place. Frankly I'm shocked at the fact that they aren't concerned with some internet stranger knowing where they live. I usually find a spot to weave my surprise for this apparent "risky behavior" into the conversation, if only to better understand their mindset. Honestly I think my appearance disarms them a bit, I'm no super model but I've read studies that indicate people assign positive qualities to decently attractive people.

While I certainly may be coming off as too much, one thing I've learned throughout all this is that I don't fall too far afield from the broadest point of the bell curve of normal. The neurosis you see here is kept in check on the dates or channeled into self-deprecating humor. Then again, women seem to be gifted at seeing right through **** like that.

ATF,

Picking up the check isn't a problem - I do it every time on a first date and it hasn't worked against me. Picking up the girl is kind of a problem, but not a deal-breaker. Based on those two things though, I'm getting the sense that you're worrying too much about pleasing the girl you're with. Women can sense this really easily and as a general rule they don't like it. Make her work for it a little bit too. I'm not saying you should be an indifferent *******, but you definitely should not err on the side of supplication.

ETA: also, cool it on the self-deprecating humor. A tiny bit is fine. Too much and you come off as transparently insecure.

So I texted softball girl the other day, had a little back and forth, then I asked her out. Surprisingly, I got what I believe to be a rejection! Here's the basic gist of the conversation:

me: "blah blah blah. would you like to meet up monday or tuesday for drinks? we can get those fireball shots we didn't get last time (bar didn't have liquor at our last postgame)"

her: "i have hh with a friend on monday and then I have skeeball on tuesday!! i'll hold you to those shots in a week tho! i'm going to a baseball game wednesday so i'll be out this week unfortunately"

me: no worries. have fun at the game and i'll see you next week

her:

I had a mini debate with a few of my friends. The other dude with me agreed that was her very nice way of saying "no thanks" and not making it awkward, but the three girls all said it was NBD and that I should ask her out again. Thoughts? I thought it was pretty clear that by providing no alternative, prioritizing a monday happy hour, and saying "i'll see you next wednesday in our usual group meetup location", she is being obvious that she isn't interested.

either way, i'm not gonna text her again before i see her next week, more just curious because the girls pretty strongly said it wasn't a big deal

I don't see the rejection? She bothered to go into detail on why she can't make it on the days you proposed. Saying she'll hold you to it and using unfortunately in the given context seems like she's interested. Maybe you're misconstruing rejection with feeling as though you're not a priority? If so, I totally get that.

ATF,

I don't know. It seems like you're making too much of it being a "date." I mean it is, but when you get together with a woman try to think of it as just a fun time out with a new person. Pay and all that, but don't try to impress her so much. Just be yourself and try to have a good time. I don't mean to say you shouldn't pay or dress nicely or anything like that.

Sorry to piggyback on your conversation, but self-deprecating humor is the only kind I know. How does one improve their "funniness" in other areas?

It's not an outright rejection. She might want to feel you out a bit more first in your "normal" time together. She might genuinely be busy and not realize you're hitting on her. She seemed a tad apologetic which is good - if she didn't apologetically mention Wednesday I'd take it more as a rejection. Either way I wouldn't press it and I think the ball's in her court now - if she is happy to go out for drinks at some point, that's when you press your luck.

FWIW I've asked a couple of girls out, been shot down quite clearly, then had them come on to me hard when they were ready. I found out later that they were both interested at the time, but one girl was just busy with other things going on and didn't want the complication just then and the other was half seeing someone at the time.

I'm not a natural comedian, so I try to be engaging rather than being funny. If I tried to increase my "funniness" I'd be out of my depth and I'd come off as try-hard.

Not as though any of us could hope to approach his level, but consider Don Draper. Could you see him using self-deprecating humor?

Edit: again, it's fine in very small doses, but don't use it as a crutch

You bring up a good point. I make sure to mix self-deprecating humor with, for want of a better phrase, over-the-top self-absorbed humor as well. That said, I've noticed that the brand of humor doesn't really matter if the girl is interested. As long as it's not crude or super weird, if she can tell you're trying to be funny she'll likely smile or laugh regardless of what's said.

Thanks SS, that seems reasonable.

Your profile looks good...some girls really prefer to see a picture of a guy smiling showing his teeth (the same way we prefer to see a pic of a girl that isn't taken from a weird body-changing angle)...

I know what you mean. Though I've found that women seem to really enjoy it when I repeatedly frame our meeting as a "date".

On balance the girls I've been out with have been so all over the place that it's naturally led to some confusion on my part about WTF is going on. From the broad that's sexting me and then on the date saying she likes to take it slow, to the girl that was super flirtatious but, because of the sexting girl, I didn't escalate with, to the girl the bit me and then is all about dating formalities, to the girl with whom I've been chatting with for a month but was virtually silent on the date, to the one with whom I thought we clicked best but apparently is not interested. **** is so mind boggling that it makes me long for the days of getting trashed at bars and just slobbering over any girl that showed a hint of interest. It was so much easier.

Just ask to meet for coffee or a drink. Meet her there and pay for the drinks. If you click, take her to dinner next time.