Do you not still bear the scars from that incident?

Amazing how much the matches have dropped off for me since last year. Doesn’t seem to be any difference in activity since the summer on bumble which is almost unbelievable to me. Only thing I can imagine is that 37 is a big difference from 36. Time to add Hinge again I guess .

Eh, I've thought this for small periods of time (recently too) after hitting a more significant age cliff than that but it always rebounds and eventually I have an embarrassment of riches again. It's probably variance, there's no way 36-37 is that big of a cliff.

I saw nothing on Bumble for months (CMB was good) and then suddenly some great matches, cycling through different apps is fine.

Right but I’ve never experienced such low volume at this time of year , just seems like a really weird time for it to happen

I’ll do a beast mode swipe session this weekend and see what happens .

Seems like variance, so increasing volume sounds good

Trigger Warning: **Hypergamy Alert**

So this is interesting.... I've been out of the Online Dating market for a bit over a year now. Just kinda got tired of it, having too many low quality prospects in this city, and I grew tired of the eventual dating->things progressing phase over a month or two, for the female to suddenly cut ties. 2/8 times in 2+ years was my choice. But here's an interesting/funny/wtf story.

Pre covid, about October 2019 - January 2020, I was seeing this girl exclusively. We got along amazing, still do, despite us being very different. She's also a vegan which isn't make or break for either of us, but that's just one example. When things broke off in January 2020, it was pretty abrupt and right after a great long date. We were going back to my place when she suddenly changed her mind and ordered an Uber to go home, saying she didn't feel well. She texts me on the way that "I had fun during our time together, but things are moving too fast and I don't feel like I had any say in things progressing." Fair enough, I thought we were on the same page but I let things go.

I heard from her maybe twice between 1/2020 - 10/2021 until she texted me happy birthday this past October. Our birthdays are two days apart so we resparked a bit of friendly convo and decided to meet again to catch up. It went super well and felt really platonic the first meeting. Just bar hopping, catching up on things and nothing happened that first night. The second time we met, things were way more intimate and romantic and we were hooking up 1-2x/week for about 5-6 weeks.

We hadn't spoke in about 4 days when I reached out to her this past Monday about after work plans. This is when she finally drops the bombshell on me. "I haven't been honest with you, and I really feel bad, but we can't see each other anymore and should probably stop talking immediately."

....huh? err...ok.

long story short, SHES BEEN ENGAGED FOR 14 MONTHS! Set to get married in February (Valentines weddings are always a big fail IMO) and to quote her exactly, "I was operating on emotions and going into total hoe mode because I ruin everything good that happens to me".

I appreciate the self awareness, kinda feel bad for the husband to be (zippy chance this works out), and the always cruel reminder that there's many women from dating apps that are only loyal to their emotions and what they feel is their best possible option for the moment. Walk light, especially investing your time long term.

Ah well, it was a fun 5 weeks. Tis the season bois!

These hoes ain't loyal

Jesus. Hopefully she calls off the wedding for the sake of everyone!

Meanwhile, it seems the lack of matches was indeed variance, just did a monster swipe session and got the queue above 20 again. There are dates left in this old man yet 😄

I've learned that it's a pretty safe assumption in these scenarios that she's going back to her bf/fiance/husband. Actually thought that immediately after reading foatie's second paragraph. As you said, all you can do is feel bad for the guy, and feel good that you dodged a bullet.

"...because I ruin everything good that happens to me"

is the new "I'm not going to have sex with you". It's the woe is me response to being a total dirtbag that cheating sluts use to get sympathy for being sluts.

View: a small but not negligible minority of women simply do not realise that they’re supposed to message first on bumble and this accounts for a higher % of matches expiring than we thought

Aren't they supposed to get multiple notifications from Bumble to message the person before it expires?

If someone is signing up for a dating app and cannot comprehend the entire point that makes that app unique, and ignores messages instructing you to reach out or the match expires, I'm going to assume they just want the attention, are bored, or are so dense that there's no hope

Does anyone remember a dating app or website where you could set minimum word counts on incoming messages? I swear this was a thing in the last 10-15 years, and you'd get a notification saying that your message had to be x number of words or it wouldn't be sent. Seemed like a decent idea and would get rid of all the "hi" slackers filling inboxes. It might've been Plenty Of Fish?

Sounds like the pre-2015(ish) version of OkCupid (before it had any swipe features)

I remember this; it was either POF/OKC/Match, as those were the ones I was using back then.

Pof

so with three of the women i've been talking to the subject of how many partners one has had has come up

i'm surprised to find they all claimed single digits and at least two i have no doubt are being honest about it and the other who knows but wouldn't be shocked if she were being honest

i don't know my number but gave a range it's probably within and I they thought my number was high even if you broke it down into a ratio of partners/years being single seems pretty reasonable to me

the women have mostly said that most men they've had this conversation all gave single digit numbers as well

without trying to make this into too much of a derail, are single digits for single people nearing 40 the norm for the thread and their friends/partners?

for the females here, what is your "that's too many" line for men

I don't understand what the reasons would be to ask that sort of question.

Serious relationships? Sure, aight.
Can give an indication of serious intent.

But how much pussy you slang back in the day? Why?




whatever

it's something they asked about

i'm guessing i'm getting a pretty filtered range here since the kind of women who'd be concerned about this would predominantly have lower numbers themselves and prefer partners with that as well

i don't think my number is high, but they do, hence why i'm asking

I would say lie, obviously.

How would they know?

I would say take your age and divide by 7 = number ,then go from there.

whatever

This.


I'd suggest to move on as it seems like nothing good can come from this.


But this is a very polarizing question and if you're compelled to answer, then I'd lean towards giving your actual number or higher. Single digit numbers for someone 35+ who went to college and traveled a lot is odd outside of being married for 10+ years.

I bet you got a monster hog too.

I know a number of single guys near/40s who I'm fairly certain are low single digits. I was around there myself until I moved to a big city in mid-30s.

I've talked about this with some recent partners in that age range, one was in the 20s and with one I was her 3rd, but she's been a widow for 5 years. The former expressed surprise at my numbers for this year and 2019, but was less shocked when I explained these have been good years and you can't extrapolate. It only came up because this was a reconnection with someone from 6 years ago and she was interested in hearing about my adventures first, so I was happy to oblige.

Nobody should be lying about your numbers, that's a form of rape. If you don't want to, just say you don't want to answer or offer recent info if the concern is STDs (your last test date, partners since last test, etc.).

What do you guys think of painted on eyebrows? I won’t even consider dating someone who does it

No. **** this idea. No amount of lying is ever rape though. It's bad, but call it something else. Also there are degrees. Lying about partner count is very minor. Lying about STDs is not minor obv.