I'd be down for one of these whenever. Online dating is taking a backseat to my real life **** for right now, so I actually have more time than I normally do. LOL rocket bar tho.

So I believe I let girl #1 (feminist chick, for those of you that have been following my saga) down. She wanted to hang out this weekend, and I told her I was out of town this weekend, next week, and the weekend after that (all true). She asked if I still wanted to see her, and I responded that I was sorry but that I'm just really busy right now and I have no time for other stuff and I'd let her know if my schedule opened up any time soon (mostly true). She responded "Can't wait for your free night ". Oh well, hopefully she was just trying to save face.

Girl #2 is still going, and I think now that I'm toning down the rest of my activities, it won't be so stressful to go out with her (I was just tired all the time early on in the evenings).

I now have a (non online dating) quandary that I could use a line check on. I'm on a coed softball team, and there's a really cute redhead that I've been talking to. We've only seen each other at softball games so far, but it's pretty clear that I'm the person that she enjoys hanging out with the most on the team.

As an example, after our games tonight, we were planning on meeting up at another bar- myself and a different girl accidentally went to the wrong bar. We had a beer and then went over to the bar where the rest of the team was (about 45 minutes later). Redhead had saved a seat for me next to her the entire time and apparently (according to the team) hadn't let anyone else take it. We also sat in her car and drank before this game, and she knows that I'm actively dating other girls (she has commented on whenever I get texts, it's from certain people, and we've discussed it). At the bar today, she asked for my # and then said "I'm sure I'll talk to you before then" when I said I'd see her at next week's game as we were leaving. (side question- is this a throwaway comment? I would normally think it was, but it doesn't seem like something you randomly throw in while saying goodbye to someone you just play softball with)

My issue is that I actually like this girl as a person (in addition to being interested in her), and if she's not interested in me, I feel like she is a good person that I could become friends with and have her introduce me to other girls- thus I can't take the same approach I normally do.

So, a few questions:

-from my random TR, does it seem like she might be interested? feel free to ask other questions to get info
-is there a way I can ask out this girl where if she's not interested, we can still remain on amicable terms, but at the same time i can not come off as a pussy while doing it?
-i know it's generally not a bad idea to have girls know you're dating other girls- but is it a bad idea to talk about them casually/discuss whether you like them or not? assume you're not doing it in an awkward way at all and that it was something she brought up.

basically i ask because normally i'd say something like "hey my friends are going to XX why don't you and your friends come here" but most of my friends in the area either are in relationships or suck at the going out environment so that isn't really an option

LaShawnda,
Softball?

Also, you sound like a heatbreaker. Both girls are quite interested, #2 very much so.

Yeah, it seems like she's prob interested. As for as asking her out...she got your number, sounds like she's gonna call/text you, I guess see how that develops? Seems fine to ask her out for drinks sometime without making a big deal out of it so that if she isn't interested romantically for whatever reason it's not awkward and you can keep hanging out as teammates/friends/whatever.

Just finished my first okc date. It went pretty good for a Wednesday night drink date. The venue was packed as expected (see earlier post + LaShawnda's reply). She expected it too though and cared enough to show up early and secure a table. Got one long drink and moved down the street to a quieter venue. Still a table sitting face to face but nbd. Lasted about 4 hours then we were basically kicked out. My CC was declined which was a big wtf embarrassing moment I thought only happened in movies. I've been using it for years with no problems and it's nowhere near the limit. I had another card but still that was an awkward moment. Walked back to my car, had a quick makeout session, made a couple comments to imply extending the date but she wasn't down (it was 11pm on a Wednesday so somewhat expected).

Anyway what's the play from here to get a second date? I'm ok at getting the first but terrible at the second no matter how good it was. Probably going to be the next NickMPK unless I get some help.

If it's going well enough to make out a little why not set something up on the spot? Otherwise did you make any references on the date about going to do other stuff (or did she)? Anything like that can be tied in to a good segue.

Or just hit her up Friday for a Saturday date.

Yeah that's the one. Me, kipin, NLSoldier and fluffpop broke off from the rest of the group after a couple hours and had our own mini-meet which was also cool.

OOT has taught me this is terrible so I just avoided it. We didn't reference anything specifically other than a vague promise at the end that we'd get together again soon.

-Yeah obviously
-I don't know about this one. I feel way more comfortable with online dates because like NickMPK said, there's no confusion that you're on a date and she's at least somewhat interested. My live game is terrible.
-I'd discuss it as little as possible. That's friend zone material.

If they do that, they get labelled as "super b****es".

LaShawnda,

How about dating the redhead, and if she's not compatible, then be friends instead?

d10,

You have partied w/ NLS? ZOMG he is a friend of mine, that means we are like almost friends or something!

As for your date, easy peasy. Text her tomorrow afternoon "Hey, had a great time last night! Want to get dinner at [xawesomefunplace] Saturday night?" Some here will say that should say "Let's get dinner" or something instead and that's fine too, but I don't think that really matters after the first date. Just ask her out for Saturday night, and if she's interested she'll say yes.

This is obviously my goal...at this point though I value the potential of dating her about equally to the potential I get from being friends with her, and I'm trying to go about the first the best way possible to minimize the repercussions for the second way if it doesn't work out.

I'm planning on shooting her a text on Sunday or something asking her if she wants to get drinks on Tuesday (midweek drinks are casual, right??)- seems fine, right?

Surprisingly enough, I had a good date with the rooster/**** girl who I was stressing out over messaging and suggesting a suitable location. Going into it, though the handful of experiences thus far alleviated it somewhat, I was pretty nervous; if only because of the lack of rapport ahead of the date which was new to me.

I parked near her place and we walked to some frozen yogurt joint in her hood. The weather was nice so we sat outside. The conversation flowed really well throughout; she said it was "different" than most of her other dates because she had an opportunity to talk. For whatever reason I felt comfortable enough to engage in some physical escalation throughout the time we were together. Just after leaving the place I moved in and successfully landed a kiss to which she said she normally doesn't do on a first date. Some hand holding on the walk back, discussed plans to hang out again next week, and a brief kiss on departing.

When I first arrived she came out with a temporary parking pass for spots in front of her apartment and made a point to mentioned that it's valid for 24 hours. I wondered if there was something to read into there but, alas, no such luck.

Takeaway: she was by far the most "normal" girl I've been out with and that definitely helped. Unlike the others she seemed far more relaxed and interested in simply having a good time opposed to screening for potential husband material.

This is on-point for my date. She spent a lot of time, almost an uncomfortable amount, "coaching" me on online dating, inquiring about my previous dates, explaining why I need a better and more profile pictures, etc. I don't know if was simply to make conversation on something we have in common or whether I was being pigeon holed into a friend zone.

LaS,

Of course softball girl is into you. Yeah, ask her out for drinks.

Agreed, however if she does already have your number you could wait a few days and see if she reaches out to you first. But yea regardless just ask her to hang out and have a couple drinks.

Also please don't say again(and certainly don't worry about it) that you value the possibility of a friendship with her equally to a relationship where you will be tapping that ass.

lots of this....if she's really such a sweet girl and would set you up with her friends, you making an attempt to go out with her wont change that as long as you don't act like a sleazeball or vagina

I think the advice and stories in here is great. Cause of this site I created a profile on OkCupid a couple months back. Talked to a few girls, the ones interested in me I wasn't into and the ones I was into weren't into me. So I never ended up going out on a date with anyone but it made me realize I am just not ready to be dating anyone. I have too many issues going on with myself but keep posting the stories, very entertaining.

This is just too humorous / weird not to share here.

I've been having a month and a half text dialog with one of the first girls that replied to an on-site message. Through the site we had agreed on a time and place to meet, which never happened. Again this was about two months ago. Since then she's flaked on every proposal to go out for the following reasons: she's ill with a cough, her mother is sick and in the ER, due to heavy rain the streets are flooded, she's having anxiety issues.

I don't even care to meet this person but I still respond and propose meeting just to see what she comes up with next. In response to her anxiety I wrote: "I'm sympathetic but at some point I have to think you're just stringing me along " She replied with a long text - docking me one and a half minutes on my pay-as-you-go phone lol - explaining how she is okay if I date other people, that it's not fair of her to have me deal with her problems, and she's about to undergo tests for her "nerves". I replied "I totally get it. I have a ton of anxiety issues as well. Just wanted to hang out some time. Let me know. Hope the tests go well."

Her response last night: "Well the test sucked. I'm not ashamed to admit I cried during the shocks. Don't do it unless you really have to".

My play?

Run what you think is a brisk pace in the opposite direction...then double that speed.

It can seem fun to play along via online messages, but she clearly needs help, and I wouldn't even consider meeting in person...I'd fear for my safety.

Pretty elite troll

Yeah, pretty sure it's Manti Teo's girlfriend. She said her name is Danielle but, because that's too masculine, likes to be referred to by her email handle Brianna. So it's Dan or Brian.

Has anyone else noticed this pattern:

I am 34 years old, and I usually message girls age 22-35. I find generally no difference in initial response rates based on age (I would guess that overall about 40% of girls that I message write me back).

If a girl is ~25 or older, I find that, once I get an initial response, I am almost assured of going out on a date with her (unless I decide at some point to abort).

However, for girls under 25, I have several times had girls respond to my initial message, but then disappear after I message them a second or third time.

This is especially true when I am well outside the age range the girl is asking for. They respond to my first message just as often as older girls, but are much less likely to actually agree to a date.

Do younger girls just not understand that they are implying actual dating interest by responding at all, or am I doing something wrong in my subsequent messages? Usually, I relax my attempts to be clever in second messages, assuming that girls who respond are interested at that point and mostly looking to be assured that I am safe, sane, and who I say I am in my profile. I try to engage them in a little conversation in the second message, and ask them out in the third.

FWIW, it looks like I have dates on four consecutive nights starting tonight (although Sunday is still uncertain). I have had a lot more luck getting second dates, etc., lately, although I think the quality of the girls is slightly lower. This is not so much a deliberate strategy on my part; I've just sort of exhausted the list of highest-quality girls on the site.

Oh man, I really hope Nick starts dating someone seriously and then she finds out that she's not a 'highest quality girl'

C'mon, we're all rating girls in some way in our own heads, and it doesn't seem inappropriate to discuss that in this thread. But of course you would talk about that with a girl you are seeing.

Nick,

It doesn't seem unusual at all than younger women would be less inclined to go out with you. They might be somewhat interested and then flake when they reconsider the age difference. Doesn't seem particularly shocking to me, tbh.