I bet you're good with the ladies.

I don't see anything wrong with cancellation? You can be mildly annoyed by it but I mean who cares, unforeseen stuff happens all the time and you adjust to it, doesn't make her disrespectful or anything like that

I'm surprised that so many people are like "no 2nd chance", not giving a 2nd chance seems quite -EV to me

The tweet said something like "instead of meeting right now", which if they were meeting for a 5:00 happy hour and she cancelled five minutes beforehand, I'd tell her to **** off too. If they were meeting at 8:00 for drinks, way more understandable.

Generally yes, but getting a first date rescheduled does not rise to the level of something I take any sort of personal offense to. Lord knows all the stupid reasons I've rescheduled a first date. It's all totally standard.

Yeah, I didn't notice this. Massive difference.

I always gave a 2nd chance. In retrospect, I don’t think it was +EV. More often than not, those girls just flaked again.

Per the tweet.

Sounds like bull****.

She cancels at the last minute, or rather the time the date is supposed to happen and expects him to be gracious?

Then makes a comment to say it needs to be used as a test?

If the genders were flipped it would be seen totally different, I'd venture to say.

In reality, canceling like that with no rejoiner is terrible form.

Doesn't matter who you are.



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All right, you guys want to give me advice on this one? I went out Saturday with the hot Russian PhD student for the third time in nine months. You read that right, nine months. We met off an app in April at a bar on a Sunday night, had a drink. Conversation seemed to go well. I walked her back to her apartment (she had told me where she lived, and we live downtown two blocks away). It didn't feel right to me to go for a kiss. She gave me a one-armed hug in parting. I asked her out again and she said she was going to be busy the next few weeks with final paper and exams. So I waited until the school year was over and contacted her. But she was leaving the country for the next three months, mostly to go back to Russia. When she came back in August, I tried once more. We went out in early September on a Sunday day date to a place with gardens and art galleries I had recommended. On the drive back, she mentioned having a headache. She got a coffee with me afterward and I walked her home again. Still didn't feel right. No physical contact from her either of these times. She was still texting me after and I kept inviting her to things I knew she would be interested in doing. Twice she gave me the oh, I'll probably take you up on that, and then flaked last minute. She also went out of town to New York most of December and into January.

So, Friday I text that I'm surprised by the last thing she said and she responds that she likes to surprise, so I say then surprise me by going out with me Saturday. She asks if I've been to this new restaurant nearby and I say no but I've been wanting to so let's check it out. Then she asks if my friend is still singing at a lounge nearby because I had invited her to that a couple weeks earlier. I say yes. So she meets in front of my apartment and we walk to the restaurant. We each get a glass of wine, and then the server asks if we're ready to order and she says oh, she's not eating. I'm like what? She says something about eating when she gets inspiration and she got inspiration at 4 p.m. I suggest she get something small and she doesn't have to finish it. She refuses, but insists I eat. So I eat a steak while she watches. Awkward. Then we go over to the lounge. We start side-sitting at the corner of a table. The server comes over to see if we want drinks and she just wants water. That's all she drinks the rest of the night. We're sitting close and having a good conversation there with eye contact. My friend the singer comes by during her break and gives me a hug and thanks us for coming and I introduce them. She's a beautiful 23-year-old, so I think this helps me. After she starts back up again, I see a couch right in front opened up and ask the Russian if she wants to move up there. She does. I sit right next to her, shoulders and legs touching, and she doesn't back away from this. I initiate some physical contact that she isn't flinching from, but she also isn't reciprocating at all. We were at the lounge for 2 hours by the time my friend stopped singing. I had asked the Russian if she wanted to move to another bar nearby but she said she was tired. It was only 11. We went to say goodbye to the singer, who also asked if we wanted to hang out now but Russian still tired. So I walked her back to her apartment and we just hugged goodbye. I would have made my move if she went to the other bar, but once a woman says she's tired I shut it down.

Frustrated with the night, I wasn't going to try to go out with her again. But then she texted me like 20 times today in conversation, more than a typical month, including sending me two pics of her (clothed). So now I'm confused. I'm looking back today and thinking she went out with me on a Saturday night, which isn't friend zone territory. She certainly didn't do it for the free dinner, so it must have been for my company. And she didn't think she made a mistake by the end, or else she wouldn't be texting with me a bunch. So I'm thinking of trying one more time, though not sure how to proceed.

I'm not looking for her to be my girlfriend. I'm 14 years older than her, though she had forgotten that and thought I was just a few years older. I told her the truth. I have no hope of containing her, no desire to put in the money it would take to be her boyfriend, nor to put up with her BS with that regularity. I'm just looking for a friend with benefits, someone I wouldn't rely on but we do have some similar interests and live close to each other. Obviously she's stunningly attractive, which is why I've put in this much effort, and she's very intelligent as well. I'm probably guilty of putting her too much on a pedestal.

sounds like you should keep going after those texts, she may break your heart tho.

She's way above my pay grade, but it doesn't sound like you are resonating with her emotionally. Probably not being mean enough to her to get her in bed. Could be a lot of time and effort for naught

Whatever she is doing, she sure isn't acting like she wants to be anyone's FWB.

gaddy go out to bar and then make your move at end of night, you have to, if you don't you ll just be in this cycle. you have to make your move, try to kiss her at the end of the next meetup.

as others have said, seems like this could be a lot of work too.

Pretty sure Russian chicks want a real man that knows how to take charge. You ruined your chances with all that kissing and hugging crap.

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I get why you're pursuing her because I've done it myself when they're just hot and don't offer much else. It's like some sort of self-validation, a pat on the back - but that's all.

Russians can be so random and difficult to predict. Not much to say except carry on if you want but don't expect anything and keep your normal roster going obv

I’m thinking of inviting her to an expensive all-day art fair thing the weekend after next, and if she says yes then say something like “Cool, I’ll get the tickets. In the meantime, come over and I’ll show you (that movie we’ve discussed). You can leave the leather pants at home and wear sweats.”

interesting

maybe im doing it wrong but since you guys haven't talked about it or had intimate physical interaction yet, I think thats a long ball shot. its better to just do drinks quick and try to makeout with her before night is over. if she doesnt then you will know either her interest level or that its going to be a LONG CON type of deal.

the one time that worked for me was the week leading up to our first meet I was talking about what we were goign to do once she was over my room and whatnot, we met up for drinks then we drove back to mines. allthat happened because we texted about it, even before meeting up.

I feel people who try that without either a) not talking/playing around about it beforehand or 2) no strong physical interaction seems kinda tough to pull off unless youre insanely attractively or jst HAVE it

The movie I’d be inviting her to watch is about a Russian who comes to America and is initially cold to the advances of a charming American man but then loosens up and warms up to him. Haha.

I've met a few girls like this before, who seemed lukewarm but somehow kept me on the hook by giving just the right amount of reciprocated attention.

I'm pretty sure the right move is to cut back and give her less attention rather than more. I don't like the idea of asking her out again right away, but maybe that's just me.

I had considered that. But, maybe with being Russian or just used to getting asked out, I don't think she's the type who will ever ask me to do anything. Maybe now that she messaged me a bunch, if I wait for her to message me on her own to ask her out that could be good. But I'm not sure she ever would.

Could always just reach back out in 6 weeks if she doesn't message you. Seems like you've already done something similar already.

This sounds more or less fine to me as long as you don’t actually buy the tickets before she comes over.

She's gonna think you're indicting her for wearing leather pants

Yeah, I would leave off this comment.

It’s picking up on our last time out when I joked that I only ever see her in black leather pants.