[ ]in before brevity

So you would have no problem suggesting a bar or similar location and then, upon arriving, not ordering alcohol? I figured pulling that off was just a level below getting a girl to pick me up for a second date and then explaining that the plans fell through and suggesting pizza and watching a movie at my place.

FYTF

Dude it's a ****ing curse. In many ways I wish I could just go back to smoking pot to the point of not giving a **** about anything. It's not for trying, now the stuff just makes me more neurotic. AHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Just explain that you don't drink before either of you actually order.

Yeah, you are sweating some really small stuff bro. I would not give a second thought to going to a patio bar and ordering my date a margarita and me a coke. Maybe throw in some appetizers so it takes some of the focus off of it, but whatever.

I recently dated a girl that didn't drink. You know how I found out? When we went to dinner and I asked if she wanted some wine and she said she didn't drink. I think that's pretty normal and I don't know why you would worry about telling the girl beforehand like it's some sort of STD. Of course it's going to be a dealbreaker for some real party girls, but those are by definition not your type anyway.

I'm really interested in this tact but I'm dense so bear with me. Suggest meeting at a drinking establishment and then, before ordering, explain that I don't drink?

Yeah, thanks for that. Your STD analogy really made the point. I'm still adjusting to my sober lifestyle so it's all pretty new to me (an aside: it sucks, don't abuse the **** to the point that you're forced into it lol).

ATF,

I have the same geographical problem as you. Just get to know 2-3 places that you can suggest. I have learned of a few go-to places in the city near me. I always say something like, "Let's meet at 5:00 at X. I'm not that familiar with the city, so if there is some place more convenient for you, that's fine with me." Also, if you don't drink, I think suggesting dinner or lunch is fine. Suggesting getting together at a bar only to order a Coke does seem a bit odd to me. My preferred first get together is normally happy hour for a drink and then move to dinner if things are going well, but I don't think planning on dinner is bad or anything.

As evidenced in my next message, I've come to the conclusion that rooftop bars make the best first date locations; I imagine patio bars would be very similar.

Here’s a long recent update for those interested:
With my classes done for the semester (still need to write my exam & grade), I’ve gotten back into going on dates more frequently. Had an interesting weekend; very annoying and strange at first, but ultimately rewarded.

I had a second date at a sushi restaurant late Saturday night. 23-yo, very athletic and slightly thick blond girl who is a full-time financial auditor and also a part-time waitress at a steakhouse. She messaged me first on OKC, and we got pretty close to sexting while I was out of town at a conference a week before we even met. We had a first date midweek at a bar near me, which seemed to go well (a good deal of touching by the end of the date), but didn’t last too long because she had to be up at 5:30 am for work. I had high hopes for the second date, but while we had good conversation, she declined my invitation to come back to my place afterward, saying she was extremely tired from early volunteer work that day, and also she needed to be up for her restaurant job on Sunday (we met up at 10 and left around midnight). She still seemed to want to meet up again, but I figure she’s either ultimately just not all that interested, or legitimately so busy that it’s probably not worth it.

Being a little bit drunk and somewhat frustrated after getting home that night, I randomly text a couple girls I had been out with before. One was the tiny brunette strip-club cocktail waitress I went out with on a 6am breakfast date several months back. We had since had a few strangely intellectual conversations over text and email (about religion and socialism), but she never expressed interest in going out with me again. I texted her at around 1:30am asking if she was working, and she says “No Im off”…I then ask if she wants to hang out and she texts “maybe”. We go back and forth a bit; her texts are pretty garbles and infrequent, but she’s says she’s going to an ****ty after-hours club in East St. Louis at 3am. So idiotically head over there. I get there a little after 3:30 and ask if she’s there yet. She replies “where r u”…..and that’s the last I hear from her. I wander around for an hour nursing a beer and feeling very uncomfortable with my complete lack of neck tattoos that seems requisite for regulars at the club. At around 4:30, I give up and leave. I send her a final text “What happened????”. She replies several hours later “Passed out…Apparently I too extasy but was too tired to get out of the car at (name of the club)”. I later ascertained that she was back at home and OK, but still... :O.

Anyway, I had another date scheduled for Sunday night, decided to go to a rooftop back that just opened for the season. The weather was nice, if a little colder than ideal, and the bar was empty when I got there, probably because no one realized it was open yet. The girl was a 26-yo cute, thin, strawberry-blonde with a nose ring; she graduate with a journalism degree, but recently finished grad school in computer science in Ireland (a rather strange reversal, since I figure most foreigners come to American to study CS). I messaged her first on OKC. We had a couple beers on the roof and had great conversation, mostly about music and her experience in Ireland. We then decided it was too cold to stay on the roof, and headed for fro-yo. After paying for the fro-yo, I suggested we take it back to my place to watch Mad Men (she was a huge fan, and I was DVRing it at that moment), and she readily accepted.

In the middle of watching the show, I put my arm around her, and she dug her head into my chest. At the end of the episode, we both get up to use the bathroom, and I am contemplating how to make a move. But these plans immediately turn moot, as she basically attacks me right as I emerge from the bathroom. I don’t think I have ever gone quicker from a first kiss to both of us being completely naked. I did briefly freak-out because the condom broke the first time, but she laughed it off and said she was on the pill. Almost certainly the easiest first date of my life. I’m planning to see her again on Friday and need to figure out what to do; she is a vegetarian, so I might suggest a good Indian place I know that she hasn’t been to. I actually have another first date on Thursday; I think I will point this one toward the same rooftop bar if possible .

Yeah man, it looks I'm going to have to build a 'go to' destination list. Only problem in this case is the city is huge; consisting of a number of different neighborhoods while the main downtown is a cheesy tourist trap.

In any event, I texted her "Tomorrow is good. Is coffee okay? Or maybe we can share a milkshake like in those old tv shows." Hope she doesn't mind corny, weak/passive neurotic-types. Oh yeah, she said she likes guys who make the first move. ****! lol

sfasfaf another hottie ruineddddddddd
she's clearly in to me and we're texting and then finds out I don't want kids.


dating out of your league is hard

KPowers, she's slightly above average looking assuming this is a flattering photo. No sweat IMO... Unless you're repulsive looking, she's prolly not out of your league

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i dont really know where to start with that post

K,

I kinda agree with him.

Do you have a full body shot? I mean I'm skeptical online unless it's very clear due to certain facial features. She's a 6.5 maybe 7, but she's definitely not smokin

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well maybe not out of my league but definitely at the upper end

I'm speaking as the person who has had sex with the last ten people I've had sex with, so I feel very confident I know what I'm talking about.

kpwers - i was thinking about the 'do u want kidz?' question a bit the past few days. unless you want kids at that very moment, then you don't want kids. it's tbd.

and why does that have any bearing on dating? yes, everyone wants their own cemetary plot + comfortable death + comfort late years + big house and so forth moving back.... etc. just bc it's an endgame of the relationship doesn't mean it needs to act as both ends of a magnet in a phase where you're hoping to find someone whose company you enjoy atm.

she rejected you for how you answered the question probably, and not your finite answer. babies are a big deal to chicks. gotta acknowledge that bare minimum.

+1 tuma

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That girl is gross.

What does this mean?

I think he's trying to say having kids is a big commitment to women, i mean the time, the weight gain, commitment during pregnancy and raising a kid in general. Therefore it's a big deal to women and if they aren't planning on having one anytime soon, so it's pressuresome to state you're going to have multiple

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He said he didn't want kids though.

Ahhh I thought he said he did, misread

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