Thanks

I prefer Clarendon over the city, just not sure how easy it will be to get anyone to come out that way. A 10 minute drive across the river is just unthinkable to some people ime.

Aren't most people taking the metro anyway? Only people that live in Georgetown might need to drive- and Clarendon is really convenient if you're on the orange/red lines.

Ytf,

I was curious of the relative amounts of living by yourself vs alone because if there's a solid financial reason for it, that makes sense. But in a place where things are relatively cheap (I'm assuming that's true re: MN), having roommates has to be a major hindrance in appealing to women in their 30s and 40s.

Sure, for 3x-4x what I'm paying now. No thanks.

I don't know what you mean by "melty".

Can't get anything past you, J.

It comes to $100s/month, so the financial consideration can't be ignored as trivial. And I've yet to see any girl visibly recoil the first time I mention it.

Don't forget, women that age hear the clock ticking, they're willing to put up with a little more baggage than when they were younger.

Haha, no they're not. They think, "why is he, this guy my age, seemingly not mature enough to live on his own?" They want a relationship that involves the two of you, not going back to your place and chatting it up with the roomies.

lol

I would say "the clock is ticking" applies to women 30-38. Once you're in your 40s...

One thing getting me down about online dating is the girls in my age range are dominated by the "clock is ticking" (no kids but want them, never been married) types. They seem so focused on screening for husband / father material that simply having a good time is non-existent.

Demanding for sex usually doesn't help.

How old are you?

Maybe. I live in Woodbridge so I need to drive. I guess the Metro is popular in the city but for some reason it seems difficult to get DC residents to come to Arlington.

You have the wrong guy? Though I'm seriously considering overhauling my profile to indicate that I'm primarily interested in friendships, with benefits.

37 but I'm stunted from a long marriage. So probably closer to 19.

Depends on what line you live on. When I lived in Silver Spring, I took Metro everyday to work, to school, and to visit my gf, since they were all near the red line. But getting to Arlington by Metro from there would be tedious.

Yeah, I think I have atf and ytf mixed. Sorry sir

Ytf,

You having roommates is prob even more of a negative to a woman who "hears the clock ticking."

What's the best way to let someone down gently in this spot? We had a couple dates, she was very into it, I was too (a lot of intense drunken games of rummy which she actually knew intricate strategy to) and we hooked up. The hookup was good, I left with us both very transparently feeling positively about things, but her reaction since I've really not liked. She texted me that night saying she wished we had taken it slower, and I think any hint of regret after hooking up sucks, especially after she was very clear about wanting to beforehand, and is a huge red flag of someone not having their **** together for dating. She's since snapchatted me several naked photos and a slew of rapid fire random unanswered status updates. I like my relationships boring, and not volatile. Is it really to just shut off all responding, or to text something to the gist of I'm not interested anymore (and if you do text, what do you text?). I know you're not obligated to say jack ****, but I'm curious what the generous "let down easy" route would be if I wanted to take it, because those were some damn fun games of rummy and she was nice enough. Plus sometimes the let down easy route is still to just shut it down immediately and I'm not good at realizing that, which is why I was curious. Feel free to also say I'm being weird and should be more open to the girl.

Here's my line which is way more than necessary and probably just leads her on annoyingly and isn't kinder at all:

Please do the latter. Just not responding is bad. If she responds to your "it's over" text, you can ignore that. But there's no reason to keep her on the hook and guessing for a while to begin with.

Yeah agreed, phrased that weirdly, almost always will respond to postdate texts to say not interested unless the question isn't really being asked and it's just an openended "let me know if you want to get together again sometime" where saying "thanks for the date" then not following up later is reasonable.

I like Whitlows in Clarendon as a date spot too

You're overreacting to this. It's the "I don't want you to think I'm a slut" move and it's completely standard. She probably never really regretted it. Sometimes it come from regret, but sometimes it's just something they always say. Other times it may be in a response to something you hinted at, like if you said ANYTHING relating to how quickly you had sex. Women are hypersensitive to that and will do or say anything so that you don't think they are sluts (other than refraining from sex.)

As for the breakup, just try and let her down easy. Abruptly cutting off contact is lame.

Cool, this is good feedback. Sounds like you're right about overreacting. I'm used to liberal feminist sex-positive types who would never say something like this, but this makes sense.

My instinct was cutting off contact would be super lame, but occasionally I don't see things like that well. For example at first I responded to initial messages I wasn't interested in to say "thanks but no thanks" before I realized that just not responding is by far the kinder thing to do just because no expectation of a response to an initial message for a wide variety of reasons.

yes, mersenneary I think you are a bit too sensitive about that. She sounds like a reasonable girl who likes you.

Yeah plus honestly how many girls even know how to play rummy, much less proper strategy? That girl's a keeper.

When communicating with women, it helps to look for the subtext of what they are saying. I learned this from a friend who grew up with sisters. I started running some of my exchanges by him and he would decode them for me. It was an eye-opening experience. Now I can read and anticipate them a lot better and it has made a huge difference.

The "I'm not a slut" subtext is one that comes up quite often and once you know to ease her mind, you will be rewarded. What she was probably saying to you in her language, was that you acted in some way that made her feel as if YOU regretted it. Maybe you didn't cuddle enough for her liking afterwards, or maybe you didn't ask her to stay the night. Maybe you didn't contact her the next day. Could be any number of things that sparked it, but it sounds like she got that vibe from you.