I was about to say: sounds like you’re dating her man. Gaddy pays for everything and she gives up the backdoor... sounds like you’re like 2-4 months from “I love you” lol

Months? I’ll take the under.

I know it's hard, but don't look outside of yourself for validation. Your fulfillment will always be temporary if it depends on things outside of your control. When you feel these thoughts come on, try to think about what you're grateful for. Good luck out there.

i also think he just cant compare himself with others, i felt the same with when I first started my job, I also didnt have some experience with some things in areas of my job when I first started. I think in the dating game I use the comparison is the thief of joy and I think others who are not as experienced should go by that motto imo

i guess it would feel ****ty if you have your life together and youre kinda put together? and whatnot and the girl you tried to date or bang is getting with dudes who kinda suck at life or just thinks you boring or friendzone. but that thinking seems like a low level inexperienced/teen type of mentality that you cannot have imo like you said as well

I gotta say, the notion that fossil can improve his game is somewhat inspiring but mostly depressing

I need to get rid of the notion that I'm competing with every other guy... not sure that's truly mistaken though

yeah honestly if I were to dip onto the sites I would for sure prolly have that "feeling" maybe a littel of damn, what chance do I have? but it comes down to what fossil said that helped him the most which was enriching his life to teb best he could (he took classes and dance lessons or whatever) nad that helkped his confidence.

but i would for sure feel like out of place a little, but I must remind myself that comparing myself to others does very little and does more harm then good, itll kill your confidence potentially.



five if you are in okay shape or have things gogin well in your life outside of dating game then im sure you will be okay!

I'm just an average or slightly above looking guy, not tall, don't have a great body, not super charming or outgoing, although I guess witty. But if I can improve and have success, there's no reason others can't.

I'd say the 3 main things that helped me the most are: 1) Not making any mistakes in the OD process 2) Having a few passions and going after them (and seeking women who share them) and 3) Understanding my strengths/weaknesses

For #1 that just means optimizing your pics/profiles as best you can, sending good messages, being comfortable with setting up dates, and once you're dating, recognizing which behaviors are attractive/unattractive.

For #2, I know that I love healthy living, yoga/meditation, traveling, and learning languages. So I highlight these things in my profile and tend to stand out to and attract women with similar interests. That's why I wouldn't necessarily say we're competing against each other because hopefully you'll have your own things you're passionate about that will attract a different set of women. I'd rather have a more polarizing image where a handful of women will think "wow, he's super interesting" rather than just be "meh" or "kinda interesting" to the majority.

For #3, I'm kinda quiet and don't do well in crowds, so I avoid venues that are loud and where I don't feel comfortable and instead choose places where I feel I'll come off best. I also know that I feel more comfortable on the move, rather than planted in a seat for hours on end, so I try to incorporate walks or venue changes, to increase my comfort level.

I wouldn't say I'm anything special or that I have any advantages over other guys, but I love who am I and the life I lead, and am just looking for interesting, like-minded girls to complement my life.

I think I might have to pull the plug on marathon girl as it's just too difficult to meet her. We had our 2nd date on the 17th and ended with a short kiss, but haven't been able to see each other since. She canceled dates last Wednesday and then tonight because of work and her marathon training. I do actually think she's really into me and I like her a lot, but if we can't even meet, then what's the point?

So I'm not gonna suggest another date and I'll move her down the priority list. If she wants to see me again then she can suggest a date and if I don't already have other plans then I'll see her.

I also don't think it's gonna work with the 19 year old potential FWB. Last night we made tentative plans to meet up tomorrow and she seemed enthused, but then tonight I messaged her to check in and firm up a time, but got ignored. I'm thinking with the FWB plan that I probably need to work fast like with the girl from last night and push for a same day meetup. If it's a couple days out, then I think it's way too easy for the girl to get cold feet and 2nd thoughts.

That definitely won't be coming out of my mouth. That's a concern of mine from her part, but then we barely have any communication all week and just meet on the weekend. She saw a concert a few blocks from my place on a Friday night two weeks ago and didn't tell me until after the fact when we were out on Saturday. When we're out together, she likes to hold my arm or hand, but I feel good that we don't text much all week except to set up what we're going to do the next weekend.

It feels like I shouldn't be paying for everything in a FWB situation. But, when I live downtown in a highrise and she lives out in a poor area and commutes 1.5 hours each way to work in a nice area, I can see it being right for me to pay. I just keep doing it because I don't care. But if I were thinking long-term relationship with her, it would definitely be something that turns me off.

What's your play when after a few messages you're not interested?

fossil, great posts and writeup, thanks for sharing your input.

I may PM you in a few weeks about some openors or opening msgs to pick your brain on some. I know playful is key but still want your input.

good stufff

Do you mean if we're still on Tinder and we've only exchanged a couple messages and I'm not interested? Then I'd just stop sending messages. I don't really think an explanation is necessary at that point.

yes, pretty much - no real good way to end it

Gaddy, I see nothing wrong with your situation. Enjoy, sir!

This is quite good.

I have 3 decent matches that I made small talk to. I have two tickets to see Brendan Schaub at the DC Improv tomorrow and I'm conflicted about taking a first time meet to a "date". Not because his comedy is really edgy, but in case we don't click, I want an easy exit. However if we did happen to click, it would be a recipe for a max EV night. I was thinking I'd send a YouTube clip of something to each to see if it was something they would be into, but if all say yes, then I'll be a ****boi for cancelling on two to go with the one I perfer.

I could maybe call up an old college friend from the area but we've all known each other so long that we are more friends for life that may never hit the FWB stage. Maybe I should lower my expectations and enjoy a good night out, buy I'm really trying to get some this weekend.

Thread pros, I would love your thoughts...

It's a high risk play, but also high reward, like you said. I'd imagine that unless the girl really isn't into standup at all that there's a high chance they'll all agree to go. So if you don't want to burn the other 2 matches, I think you'd be fine just asking the one you prefer. If you don't click, I guess you can just enjoy the show then end the date shortly thereafter, doesn't seem like it'd be too painful.

Yeah, if she doesn't enjoy the show then maybe that's a good indicator of compatibility.

So ask the one you are most interested in and go from there.

First date to a comedy show, please sit up front and let the comedians know...

I asked two so far, no responses yet. I'm kinda hesitant on the third. But with my luck, she would be the best date.

I've never paid for Bumble, but I have like 45 matches that haven't contacted me first. How bot ridden is Bumble? I don't ever remember having a conversation on there. Has anyone paid to initiate contact first?

You mean you have 45 matches that are "expired" b/c the girl didn't message in 24 hours?

I'd say about 60% of my matches end up sending a message. If they don't even send an "hola" within 24 hours, then I would just assume that upgrading so I can send a message wouldn't change much. Also remember that you get 1 free "extend" per 24 hours.

I've had some solid matches and convos on there, but I also assume there are quite a few fake accounts b/c the girls are so much hotter on there than the other sites/apps.

Since you get unlimited swipes, I've always felt like upgrading wasn't worth it.

Things are progressing quite nicely with the FWB plan.

Matched with a 25 year old today, went through the script and she was pretty enthused so we're planning to meet up tomorrow after her work at 5 at the bus station near my place. She doesn't have any body shots, but she's pretty cute. From her face it's hard to imagine she's fat, but likely carrying a few extra pounds, which doesn't bother me if it's just a FWB.



And then there's this 35 year old. I explained the plan and she said something like "she preferred to get to know me, but liked the idea of the plan". So I've chatted with her quite a bit and actually found that she's super cool and worth considering as a LTR option. We connect on a ton of levels and she's just super open and honest, which is refreshing.

We made plans to go to a movie on Saturday near my place, which normally would be a bad idea, but this seems like a slam dunk, and I want to see Cpt. Marvel. She's already sent full nudes. Here's the only that's thread safe (I think):



And tonight FWB #1 hit me up an hour ago and is getting off work at 11, so there will be a repeat performance with her tonight.

It's actually kinda fun seeing the different reactions to my "look, I just want to be straight up that I'm only looking for a FWB" message. I think I'll keep going.

nice man, thats legit


super weird question but mind posting your bedroom and "lving room" areas? or describing it, i want to see how its decorated and ****
also is your "plan: teh FWB thingy you were talking about for the past couple pages

Woman with the sexiest PG-13 gif I’ve ever seen playing with her boobs liked me on Hinge. Of course, first message from “her” offered phone number and email. Figured it was too good to be true! Still, happy just to see that gif.

Lolololololololololol