Again, if you think the denominator has "exploded", or gotten even a single "hookup" through the apps, you're one of the lucky ones who has a "swipe right" face. My denominator has collapsed from former great success with OKCupid before their changes, and modest success with other dating sites, to total failure with the dating apps. I have belonged to Tinder and Bumble for over a year now, and have so far met IRL a total of zero women from either.

If you haven’t met a single woman off the apps in a year you either have way too high of standards or you’re hilariously bad at talking to girls through an app. It’s probably a combo of both.

Chill rob,

Have you had a female friend look at your pics/profile? Someone who could comfortably give you their honest opinion? I think its a pretty rare guy that can't be improved by some combination of grooming/clothing/exercise.

I got drunk with a male friend over the summer and we critiqued one another's pics and profile. It was pretty harsh hearing his comments, but it was also really useful to get his perspective.

FWIW I hate the apps as well. Before it was shut down this year, the trans community used Craigslist quite a bit. I had to get over the "Craigslist psycho serial killer" stereotype, but once I did, I liked it - guys would write emails to me, and it was way easier to determine who was serious than the one line messages from the swipe apps. Usually, no photos were exchanged until a couple of emails, and by that time, you were already somewhat invested in the person.

I'm pretty sure my standards are low enough; I swipe right on 90% of women.

And again, you don't get the chance to talk to anyone if they don't swipe right on you.

Having had 4 LTRs via online dating in the past, along with lots more of anything from bad first dates to hookups to short-term relationships, I'm definitely not hilariously bad at interacting with women online.
Interaction in words is my strength.
Even before the internet, I met my ex wife through an alternative newspaper dating ad she placed.

The apps do make it more difficult though, as they give so little info about most people that I can't tell if I would want to meet them or not, and often even so little that I don't know what to talk about with her.

Maybe the difference is I'm in a totally different type of dating market than any of you. I'm 49, so looking for women in their 40s to early 50s. Women my age are not looking for hookups, but they also don't bother to make it clear on their profiles what they are looking for, and they still set their standards high when swiping, or else maybe they're joining the system, uploading a picture or two, then never going back to use it. Has anyone attempted to use the apps to date women in their 40s up?

Early on she said I was too inflexible with my decisions. I would decide what we were gonna do and she had no input. So I tried to adjust and let her have more say without being too wishy washy and indecisive, but then later I was hit with "you never make any decisions and I feel too much pressure deciding everything". I couldn't figure out what she wanted and it felt like at times she would just complain for the sake of complaining.

It can also depend on whether you're using the right app and in the right city. In Montreal, France, Mexico I was attracting a solid amount of attractive women. Not models or anything, but I was happy. Then in Omaha I was using Tinder and I don't think I matched with 1 girl under 200 lbs. After that I gave Bumble a try and it was a lot better, but if my only experience had been with Tinder in Omaha then I would not have met any women and would have thought that apps are pointless.

Lolol everything youve written about this chick makes her sound like a total nightmare. To the point where it’s just straight up emotional abuse. Be really glad you got out when you did. It gets harder and harder to escape these types as the relationship goes on.


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Yah I realized it wasn't gonna get any better. I gave her a ton of leeway though b/c for the sometimes 2-3 week stretches when she wasn't complaining, everything was really amazing for me and I really cared about her and enjoyed being with her.

If she would have toned it down a little and been a bit more reasonable I think it would have been ok for me (provided it didn't get a lot worse in the future), but it became too much for me this past week.

Not really; my two good female friends have pretty much no experience with this type of thing. They're also both women I met on older small dating websites, and neither has made any attempt to date anyone else since meeting me 10-15 years ago. My younger sister has been with her high school sweetheart for the last 25 years.

I do know which pictures of myself look better than others. I'm very unphotogenic; like 1% of pictures taken of me look non-horrible. The upshot is that almost every woman who I get a chance to meet in person is pleasantly surprised.

One a few years ago was an amateur but enthusiastic and active photographer. She said she'd be happy to take some better pictures of me. Then she held up her phone, looked at me through it, and got a confused / sick look on her face. She said it was a stunning difference from just sitting at the table across from me and wondered if something was wrong with her phone. She finally decided I was just the least photogenic person in the world.

I think your issue is many fold. Your age doesn't help and you're right, the numbers game is likely for people of a different age where the options are much larger with an audience that's much more comfortable with online dating. I'm not sure what app or site is best for people of your age in a city like Vegas. Seems like the target market is tough. I'm not sure if there are many ~50 year old guys having a ton of success even if they're great looking on an app like tinder. Maybe a more traditional site is better for someone like you; then again I'm not sure which traditional sites are popular in Vegas and then you'll need a site that has a good population of 40-50 year old single women.

I’m sure there’s a multitude of things working against you but I assure you that people are getting dates on tinder. You’re not. So it’s time to adjust your strategy.

What does your standard opening message look like? Or are you just not getting matches? If it’s the latter then definitely change up your pictures.

Sounds like you have confidence issues too. Thats not gonna help

Well the point was to be in beautiful lighting (it really makes a difference) and to attract the attention of a woman. Sunglasses look cool (see my avatar) but that's okay if you don't like them.

I would still update your picture though.

Yeah, the traditional sites are much better for me, but they have become much less so in the past few years for two reasons. First, they are becoming more like the apps. My former gold mine, OKCupid has made many changes in the last few years, each one for the worse. Second, the number of women using these sites has greatly dropped. I imagine women hear about the new apps and check them out, deciding that posting a few selfies and typing one sentence about yourself is easier than filling out a long profile and then answering hundreds of match questions on okc.

Easy there Lapka!

I get almost no matches on Tinder; most of the ones I do get look too be fake.

I get more on Bumble, but I'm not allowed to send an opening message on there. 90% of the women who match me don't make contact in the 24 hours. 90% of those who do contact me say "hi". I write back saying something like "hello, nice to hear from you", followed by some question about something they said about themselves in their profile. 90% of the replies to my message: either something bizarrely non informational, like a message two days later of "good afternoon" or "how are you", or *crickets*.

I wish I could. My main picture is the only photo of myself taken in the last two years which isn't repulsive.

I read this in an eeyore voice and it cracked me up

It can't possibly be true - go get a second opinion!

Woman with young daughters I dated 15 years ago said I sounded like Eeyore sometimes. I then would amuse her and her daughters by saying "my tail fell off again..."

you clearly have self-esteem issues and its unlikely that you can change anything to give you tinder success that you'll be happy with. drop the app and see a therapist

rob, people are piling on at this point but don’t sweat it. I will say this though in the spirit of 2p2 love: you are too old for tinder. One would have to be basically George Clooney to effectively use tinder at your age. There is no reason to frustrate yourself by even having that app. Focus on your niche imo. Also listen to Josie.

And women can tell I have self esteem issues by looking at one picture? But I've gone out with 5 women in the last year whom I met in person. My in person game is actually way better than it was most of my life. From ages 25 to 40 I never went on a single date with anyone I met first in real life.

Actually I have probably higher self esteem than anyone I have ever met. I think I'm a great guy and that 90% of the other people in the world are ****ty. I admit this sometimes presents problems in my trying to forge relationships, but it also has no impact on getting almost no swipes on my picture. You guys are overanalyzing this, I guess because you can't bear to think you're having success for nothing you have done yourself, but just had the luck of being born with an attractive face.

Nothing wrong with being lucky. I realize that I was lucky to be born a white middle class male in America, with very high intelligence to boot . But I didn't receive the additional gifts some others did.

chillrob,

lol at your last post. People aren't overanalyzing this, lapka was simply right very early on.

It is very canning to use a pronoun without quoting here
Now I am thinking about what is actually my current biggest problem. I must have one. I think..... Otherwise I need urgently start creating one.

Alright, well I started this diversion to defend someone who was being criticized for taking a rejection a bit too hard. So I hope that guy gets the understanding I've tried to provide. I guess the rest of you just aren't interested in learning about the experiences of others that are different from your own.

But again, to that guy, yeah it sucks when one of your few matches seems very promising and then disappears before meeting her in person. Just try not to let it get you down too much and wait for your next opportunity.

Rob, My opinion is that you should work on yourself as much as you can- confidence and self esteem don't get boosted overnight. You also have to work with what you have- 99.9% of us are not born Ryan Gosling or super tall and handsome. If you're short, then work out and improve your physical appearance there. If you are fat, lose weight and work out. If you're skinny, help your diet and also work out. Cliffs: Work out more frequently/fix your diet and that should help a lot of your physical deficiencies.