Glad to hear things are going well Fossil!

I think that's only a small-ish part of it. Many guys want to actually go on dates but simply can't be bothered/are too scared/too deferential about making a concrete plan.

I fall into the sexting zone sometimes if for whatever reason we don't wind up planning a date quickly. There's one I've talked to on and off for almost 3.5 years, reasonable chance we could still meet.

I see - I'm dating guys in their 40s and 50s, so I'd assumed that they were over the whole being scared thing. But I guess my mom (who divorced my dad after 40 years of marriage) does the whole texting forever thing, because she's basically scared to go on a date with guys.

So I went on a date with the Cuban guy last night and had a great time. We went to a trendy bar in Berkeley, and split a salad and entree because I wasn't that hungry. I'm glad, because he wouldn't let me pay. Then we went to a cool dive bar about a block from the restaurant for another drink. I was a little nervous going date, as he's 12 years older than me, which is about the oldest I've dated, but he looks great and he acts a lot younger - I never felt like I was on a date with an old guy. He was angling for me to go back to his place, but in the spirit of my new effort to have more serious relationships I refused. We did have a good kiss goodbye though

We were already making plans to see one another on Wednesday (he goes out of town on Friday). I'm pretty sure he's gonna offer to cook for me. I'm not sure how I feel about that. Does it seem too quick to be cooking dinner for someone on a second date? Or am I just overthinking it?

A little quick. But really it's not about cooking for you.....

Cooking for someone is totally fine on a second date so long as your comfortable enough with him to be at his place.

I just finished a date with a Cuban mami. Latinas...if you haven’t, you need to.

Are the Cubans less stabby than the Latinos from Mexico?

Asking for a friend.

There’s a stabber in any woman that’s been loved too right or too wrong.

Well I apparently misread that spectacularly. He doesn't want a second date after all

Well, I finally had a girl initiate a convo w/ me on bumble, and somehow it was the most attractive one who's mutually swiped yet (and confirmed a real person b/c she figured out we know the same person). We talked a lot late at night first night then I didn't respond the next day, the day after (today) I messaged her and snap got back a "you ghosted me!" allegation. Probably just playful, but is there an actual expectation that there will be messages every day? What's the normal conversation flow?

See if shes serious.

Say "I didn't ghost you! I came back a few days later.So if anything I resurrected you".

Be playful til she makes it more obvious she's serious.

I don't think it's necessarily an expectation. but why go a day without responding to the most attractive person you've ever had contact you there?

Don’t waste a lot of time messaging. Set up a meet as fast as possible. All you’re doing in messaging so much is essentially talking her out of meeting you, which I have to imagine is the opposite of what you want.

Because every guy is messaging her non stop. Do not be like them.

I agree with your advice about setting up a meeting quickly. But that can't be done if he ignores her messages for a day.

Damn, the resurrection angle is gold; I had already responded by then, though.

So I now hate Okcupid even more. I get an email saying someone has liked me and sent me a message. I log in to look at it, only to learn that I have to go through some intermediate filter where I have to like/pass a hodgepodge of different women to reveal who sent me the message and the content of the message. WTF, no wonder it's seemingly impossible to get a reply to any message I send on there, women probably aren't even seeing it more often then not.

Yep. I get confused when a girl wants to keep chatting after 5-7 messages instead of setting up a date. Let's get some drinks in front of us and figure out if this is an actual match, we sure ain't gonna be able to do that on the Tinder app.

Most of the time I got this notification, it was on someone I was definitely going to swipe left on.

^Confirmed.

Meanwhile, things are looking good with the bumble girl so I guess the ghosting thing was a joke and/or possibly turn on.

It probably depends on the person, some girls are going to expect messages every day (or every few hours) and others won't. I would expect that the frequency that they want messages would carry over to when their dating or in a relationship, so if you definitely don't want to be messaging a girlfriend every couple hours minimum, then you should probably avoid.

Pokerjo,

I have questions. A bit personal, but it is the internet and I am curious. Do you still have the male organ? If so, are you intending to get rid of it down the road? I assume you make it known in your profile if you do have it?

I feel like dating must be especially tough for the trans community. Unless you find someone who is looking for a transwoman with a penis, having that part is going to be a dealbreaker.

Not trying to come of rude. I'm sympathetic because I think dating is tough enough as it is.

I don't know if they've made any changes in the last 3 months, but usually when a girl messaged me I would know b/c if I did a search in my area she'd be one of the first ones to show up and with a blue border to indicate she messaged me.

I think some girls are fairly new to the game or still have reservations about the safety of it all. So these girls definitely appreciate a bit more messaging on the app/site.

so, tinder seems like a wasteland now. What's the hot new app?

I agree, I'm hoping it's just the summer though. Been feeling pretty paranoid about my profile.

Did you set up the date yet? Should have started setting it up already on the day that you didn't message her.