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Old 07-11-2018, 05:42 PM   #45726
El Diablo
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Re: Online dating thread

BJ,

If I were going to worry about anything here, it would be her suggesting FB instead of just giving her number. But no reason to worry about anything. Just ask her out for a drink and either she’s into it or she isn’t.
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Old 07-11-2018, 11:59 PM   #45727
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Re: Online dating thread

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BJ,

If I were going to worry about anything here, it would be her suggesting FB instead of just giving her number. But no reason to worry about anything. Just ask her out for a drink and either she’s into it or she isn’t.
Yea, in the moment it felt fairly natural, really did not get the impression in any way she was blowing me off. If I'm wrong I'd be tempted to chalk it up to more likely being her simply losing interest as time wore on, as opposed to me being wrong about her interest in the moment.

Anyway, not sweating this and just think it's interesting to think like a high schooler again.
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Old 07-12-2018, 12:31 AM   #45728
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Re: Online dating thread

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Yea too annoyed/mad at first.
Date didn't ditch you and dude you were annoyed/mad at acted friendly.

It sounds like everyone other than you thought you reacted appropriately.
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Old 07-12-2018, 12:44 AM   #45729
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Re: Online dating thread

Got a first date from Tinder Thursday night!

Some pretty good texting chemistry, just gonna try not to expect/hope for too much and have a good time, I'll let y'all know how it goes

I mentioned pool in the texts, so we're going to a sports bar type place with pool tables.

Definitely gonna use the "<bar> asked me to confirm my reservation, still in?"-line
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Old 07-12-2018, 02:09 AM   #45730
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Re: Online dating thread

Reservation at a bar? And if they really do take reservations do you think anyone is going to believe that the bar actually contacted you to confirm it?

If you havent chatted with her for the previous couple days before the date I dont see a problem with sending a text like "Still on for tonight?"
Or if you think that sounds needy maybe "Hey, still on for pool later? I'm going to call ahead to try to reserve us a table" or something similar.
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Old 07-12-2018, 04:46 AM   #45731
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Re: Online dating thread

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Originally Posted by BrianTheMick2 View Post
Date didn't ditch you and dude you were annoyed/mad at acted friendly.

It sounds like everyone other than you thought you reacted appropriately.
Haha...it was all good after the first few seconds/minute. Date agreed with me later that I was too annoyed at first, we did a postmortem on it. Not like aggro towards the dude, but too bothered by it.

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Originally Posted by TJ Eckleburg12 View Post
Got a first date from Tinder Thursday night!

Some pretty good texting chemistry, just gonna try not to expect/hope for too much and have a good time, I'll let y'all know how it goes

I mentioned pool in the texts, so we're going to a sports bar type place with pool tables.

Definitely gonna use the "<bar> asked me to confirm my reservation, still in?"-line
Congrats!

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Reservation at a bar? And if they really do take reservations do you think anyone is going to believe that the bar actually contacted you to confirm it?

If you havent chatted with her for the previous couple days before the date I dont see a problem with sending a text like "Still on for tonight?"
Or if you think that sounds needy maybe "Hey, still on for pool later? I'm going to call ahead to try to reserve us a table" or something similar.
For a cocktail bar that gets crowded/takes reservations that's legit (auto-confirm-text), I wouldn't have said it if it were a lie.

I'm standing by my "**Flake check!!**" for now, but it needs to be congruent with the rest of your interactions, which in my case would sometimes include embracing the awkwardness.

TJ Eckleburg, I'd keep it simple though as it's your first T date. Go with the reservation thing only if it's true, otherwise "still on for 8:30 at Peabody's?"
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Old 07-12-2018, 08:45 AM   #45732
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Re: Online dating thread

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Awesome. Thanks!

When I use the line "My friend told me about (Bar X) and I've been meaning to check it out, want to meet for a drink there wendesday night?", what are some good candidates for Bar X?

I dunno where I'm living yet, but I'll be in corporate housing and our office is next to Paddington Station, so probably around there?
Purl is pretty good round there but I don't know the paddington area that well.

Go central, Cahoots, Opium, The Escapologist, porterhouse or Bounce Bar if you want less formal but good atmosphere. There are a few other good options on Maiden Lane in covent garden plus The Big Easy which does good bbq. Soho has a ton of great places too.

If you find yourself in Shoreditch, boxpark is good, also barrio, bar kick, pretty much anything in that area I love.
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Old 07-12-2018, 01:35 PM   #45733
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Re: Online dating thread

Nm
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Old 07-13-2018, 12:15 AM   #45734
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Re: Online dating thread

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Haha...it was all good after the first few seconds/minute. Date agreed with me later that I was too annoyed at first, we did a postmortem on it. Not like aggro towards the dude, but too bothered by it.
That counts as a win in my book. More so if she didn't start the conversation with "settle down, Beavis."

I'm assuming here that you didn't go full Milton "that is my stapler" during your first encounter with the evil drink-spiller.
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Old 07-13-2018, 02:53 AM   #45735
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Re: Online dating thread

Any advice on trying to parse interest in irl situations (not met online) from people who you know are probably the smiley/flirty type no matter what?
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Old 07-13-2018, 03:17 AM   #45736
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Re: Online dating thread

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Any advice on trying to parse interest in irl situations (not met online) from people who you know are probably the smiley/flirty type no matter what?
One principle I'd adhere to is being as direct as possible. For instance, if a girl seems into me but also generally flirty I'd be way more likely to say "I'd like to take you on a date" than the standard "we should get drinks sometime".

What's been the extent of your interaction so far?
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Old 07-13-2018, 03:55 AM   #45737
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Re: Online dating thread

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One principle I'd adhere to is being as direct as possible. For instance, if a girl seems into me but also generally flirty I'd be way more likely to say "I'd like to take you on a date" than the standard "we should get drinks sometime".

What's been the extent of your interaction so far?
Sounds like good advice in general.

I can't be quite as direct as that in this situation and I don't want to go into too many details. I trust that makes it clear enough what the situation is? (It wouldn't be inappropriate.)
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Old 07-13-2018, 04:08 AM   #45738
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Re: Online dating thread

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One principle I'd adhere to is being as direct as possible. For instance, if a girl seems into me but also generally flirty I'd be way more likely to say "I'd like to take you on a date" than the standard "we should get drinks sometime".

What's been the extent of your interaction so far?
This, but you have to have the right personality and be confident enough to pull it off.

I was out on a work thing with this PR girl a few months back and we were getting along well, flirting a little bit, then I said with full confidence and a smile near the end, 'So, how single are you? Fancy a drink some time?'

She went bright purple and started spluttering, said yes but then texted me later saying no.

So I guess the lesson is, try, but expect all outcomes.
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Old 07-13-2018, 07:52 AM   #45739
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Re: Online dating thread

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Sounds like good advice in general.

I can't be quite as direct as that in this situation and I don't want to go into too many details. I trust that makes it clear enough what the situation is? (It wouldn't be inappropriate.)
Clear as day. It's your second cousin. I agree with being direct.
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Old 07-13-2018, 12:39 PM   #45740
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Re: Online dating thread

She's married?
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Old 07-13-2018, 12:45 PM   #45741
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Re: Online dating thread

Bj,

Just spit it out, nobody knows you, except for me stalking you and spilling that drink on you.

Is this someone at work?
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Old 07-13-2018, 06:52 PM   #45742
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Re: Online dating thread

“Bj, just spit it out” is not the right opener in this, or really any thread.
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Old 07-13-2018, 11:06 PM   #45743
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Re: Online dating thread

Just got back from a first date with a girl I matched on Tinder.

On one hand, I thought it went pretty well. We had 2 drinks each over a total of 2 hours and just talked. I told her about myself, told stories about lots of my friends, had her laughing in plenty of spots.

On the other hand... she's... pretty heavy. 5'11 deuce and a half easy. It's my own fault because she only had face pictures, so I should have known better.

I feel like I'm in, and could hit it if I put more time and effort into it, but even if we were ****ing, I don't think that would stop me from trying to find something better. Which calls into question my motivations in the way I treat people and why I'm on Tinder in the first place.

My goals with Tinder isn't to have sex with as many people as possible, so I think the correct play is to politely say I didn't feel much of a connection and wish her the best and move on.

It's just frustrating because I've been single for longer than I'd care to admit, and I don't exactly have a whole hell of a lot else going on right now. I'm also not the slimmest dude, so maybe she feels the same way. But she's definitely a nice person and I don't think ghosting is a mature or viable option.

On the plus side, I feel that first-date practice can be an invaluable learning experience, so there's something good out of it.
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Old 07-13-2018, 11:15 PM   #45744
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Re: Online dating thread

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Originally Posted by TJ Eckleburg12 View Post
Just got back from a first date with a girl I matched on Tinder.

On one hand, I thought it went pretty well. We had 2 drinks each over a total of 2 hours and just talked. I told her about myself, told stories about lots of my friends, had her laughing in plenty of spots.

On the other hand... she's... pretty heavy. 5'11 deuce and a half easy. It's my own fault because she only had face pictures, so I should have known better.

I feel like I'm in, and could hit it if I put more time and effort into it, but even if we were ****ing, I don't think that would stop me from trying to find something better. Which calls into question my motivations in the way I treat people and why I'm on Tinder in the first place.

My goals with Tinder isn't to have sex with as many people as possible, so I think the correct play is to politely say I didn't feel much of a connection and wish her the best and move on.

It's just frustrating because I've been single for longer than I'd care to admit, and I don't exactly have a whole hell of a lot else going on right now. I'm also not the slimmest dude, so maybe she feels the same way. But she's definitely a nice person and I don't think ghosting is a mature or viable option.

On the plus side, I feel that first-date practice can be an invaluable learning experience, so there's something good out of it.


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Old 07-13-2018, 11:49 PM   #45745
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Re: Online dating thread

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Originally Posted by TJ Eckleburg12 View Post
Just got back from a first date with a girl I matched on Tinder.

On one hand, I thought it went pretty well. We had 2 drinks each over a total of 2 hours and just talked. I told her about myself, told stories about lots of my friends, had her laughing in plenty of spots.

On the other hand... she's... pretty heavy. 5'11 deuce and a half easy. It's my own fault because she only had face pictures, so I should have known better.

I feel like I'm in, and could hit it if I put more time and effort into it, but even if we were ****ing, I don't think that would stop me from trying to find something better. Which calls into question my motivations in the way I treat people and why I'm on Tinder in the first place.

My goals with Tinder isn't to have sex with as many people as possible, so I think the correct play is to politely say I didn't feel much of a connection and wish her the best and move on.

It's just frustrating because I've been single for longer than I'd care to admit, and I don't exactly have a whole hell of a lot else going on right now. I'm also not the slimmest dude, so maybe she feels the same way. But she's definitely a nice person and I don't think ghosting is a mature or viable option.

On the plus side, I feel that first-date practice can be an invaluable learning experience, so there's something good out of it.
The rule of thumb (that I am totally making up on the fly) is that if she is within your range that you'd be willing to "hit" and she laughs at your stories, then you see the flop.

Believe it or not, but seeing the flop here doesn't commit you on the turn and river. Worse comes to worse, you end up putting her in your friend zone. That isn't a bad outcome for either of you.

As a small aside, and without knowing your behavior in past interpersonal relationships, that you don't want to be a jerk is a good sign.
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Old 07-14-2018, 03:40 AM   #45746
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Re: Online dating thread

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On the other hand... she's... pretty heavy. 5'11 deuce and a half easy. It's my own fault because she only had face pictures, so I should have known better.
no body pic is pretty much always a fattie. and damn, 250?!
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Old 07-14-2018, 04:15 AM   #45747
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Re: Online dating thread

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My goals with Tinder isn't to have sex with as many people as possible, so I think the correct play is to politely say I didn't feel much of a connection and wish her the best and move on.
You're overthinking it. Women enjoy going out, having a good time in the company of someone who makes them laugh, and they also enjoy getting laid - even if they know deep down it doesn't have any long-term potential.

As long as you're respectful, no women is going to bear a grudge or feel bad if it doesn't quite work out.
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Old 07-14-2018, 05:49 AM   #45748
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Re: Online dating thread

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You're overthinking it. Women enjoy going out, having a good time in the company of someone who makes them laugh, and they also enjoy getting laid - even if they know deep down it doesn't have any long-term potential.

As long as you're respectful, no women is going to bear a grudge or feel bad if it doesn't quite work out.
Disagree a bit, I think there's a decent number of women who are really tired of dating around and only want people more serious-minded. They often make this clear in their profiles and I usually swipe left on them (over the last year) except in an exceptionally rare case where they seem potentially BJ-relationship-worthy.

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Bj,

Just spit it out
It's what you think.

Today unfortunately I made a bit of a sexist gaffe (not directly about her and not a sexual thing) and was so shook that I couldn't deal with the rest of the conversation properly. She did not register a reaction that I can be sure of. Unsure whether to say something.
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Old 07-14-2018, 06:13 AM   #45749
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Re: Online dating thread

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As long as you're respectful, no women is going to bear a grudge or feel bad if it doesn't quite work out.

This is so very far from true. The light from true has never and will never touch this statement.

Having said that, the play is always to be respectful and do something that you would and will be proud of later as a man.
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Old 07-14-2018, 07:44 AM   #45750
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Re: Online dating thread

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Disagree a bit, I think there's a decent number of women who are really tired of dating around and only want people more serious-minded. They often make this clear in their profiles and I usually swipe left on them (over the last year) except in an exceptionally rare case where they seem potentially BJ-relationship-worthy.
Well, that's true but then of a girl states explicitly that they only want a serious relationship and you pretend that you do just to get laid, then that's not the same situation I was describing.

However, I guarantee those same girls would change their tune if they matched Ryan Gosling.

IME, women who complain about players are the same one who are somewhat deluded about their dating potential, use excessive filters and make up and often have swimwear shots. If they can't figure out what's going wrong, I haven't really got that much sympathy for them.
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