Yeah it doesn't seem like you'll have any trouble meeting other women if it comes to that, and in the meantime you risk losing something that could be good if you don't wait and see how things play out with her.

Seems like you already hanged out with her a lot. 10 times in 5 weeks. I would have a hard time going on dates with other women. You would be wasting other people's time if your mind is elsewhere. And like you said, it should not be hard for you to jump back on the wagon.

It doesn't seem like you've lost interest.

I was off all sites/apps for almost 4 weeks and was fine with it. Just got back on a couple days ago, but still not sure how I feel about it. Like Barrin said, I'd probably just be wasting the girls' time if I go through with these first dates.

Look, it's either bothering you or it's not. It certainly seems like it is bothering you. You said that you respected that she let you know when you did something that bothered her, even though the situation wasn't comfortable. I don't know why she wouldn't think the same of you if you brought it up. She probably wouldn't like you worrying about her being with other guys if she isn't. I don't know why you would need to worry about seeming "needy". You already said you're less possessive than most Mexican guys, and you probably are less than most guys she has dated in the past. Admitting that you have occasional insecurities to a potential long-term partner is not a drawback in the eyes of most women.

This isn’t a long term partner, it’s been five weeks and Fossil and perhaps this girl have a case of the feels. Personally I would see other people until I was in a committed thing. But that’s me and we both have different desires at this point of our lives. Or we don’t but one of us keeps telling himself that we do.

Either way, I’m of the opinion that there’s no reason to commit until you’ve both had the discussion that you’re committing to each other and that decision was mutually decided and agreed upon. That way you have no right to be hurt when you find out she wasn’t as committed to you as you thought she was (even though you still might be hurt).

Yeah but he is already getting hurt by the idea that she's dating other people, which is creating a good chance of ruining the potential of ever having a good LTR. If he wasn't exhibiting jealousy or suspicion I wouldn't be suggesting rushing into any commitments.

So you’re suggesting rushing into a relationship with this one because he’s exhibiting jealousy and suspicion?

I'm suggesting that the feelings he had exhibited demonstrate that it is effectively already a serious relationship to him, regardless of the amount of time they have dated.

I think I agree with your assessment.

I did a little googling and I couldn't find anything that suggested push notifications would be responsible for the girl's account appearing as active. If someone knowledgeable about this issue could provide links, I'm sure a lot of people here would appreciate it.

@Fossil, it doesn't really matter whether and why the girl is on OKC. What matters is knowing the truth and being open and honest with her about your desires and feelings. It's my opinion that you're not sure what your own desires and feelings are, so you won't be able to communicate them to her. If I were you, I'd prioritize thinking about whether it is time for you to get serious with this girl or to keep things free and open. Once you know what you want, you can communicate clearly to her what you want.

And once you are perfectly clear about what you want, she can take it or leave it. If she takes it, you have to be willing to trust her not to betray you. If she does betray you, that will suck, but you can't go through life on pins and needles trusting no one, i.e., assuming you will be betrayed.

Thanks for the input from everyone, it’s greatly appreciated.

I decided that I’ll go through with the 2 dates with the intention of taking it really slowly. Just planning on a quick coffee and if there is a ton of chemistry, possibly a second date. I know if I had sex with someone else, it’d be something I’d be obligated to tell the yoga instructor and it would likely effectively end our relationship. So it’s no something I would do lightly.

I will just operate under the assumption that she is in the same position, i.e. she likes the way things are going with me, but still curious about seeing other people. If, down the road, there’s a more concrete indication that she’s still meeting people and I still have strong feelings for her, then probably I will broach the subject about officially going exclusive.

You’re ****ing 3-5 times and getting tested for each other. Just ask her to be exclusive and then agree to delete the sites. Not hard.

If you've already said twice that you've lost interest in seeing other people, then it seems a little dishonest to start seeing other people without letting her know you've changed your mind.

Fossil,

That.

And if you really believe what you just wrote, how can you have a relationship with this person who is just straight up lying to your face about one of the most basic key elements of your relationship?

Either you trust her or you don't. But now you're turning yourself into the kind of deceptive person you think she might be.

Malucci,

I dunno, that message sounded nice. If I were you I'd give her a chance to come meet you at a bar convenient for you.

Nope. Totally over it. If you can do that there, that’s an enormous red flag and I’m sure there are many others. So unacceptable. She lost out on the Malucci sweepstakes.

Malucci,

Her loss!

Fossil,
It seems like you don't actually want a comitted relationship and would rather keep dating around, and maybe are afraid of confronting this girl and finding out that she is in fact seeing other guys. In any case you clearly don't trust her and are bothered by her actions.


Do you have any friends in Mexico that you can just hang out with, who aren't women that you've ****ed or wanted to ****?
Did you in France?

Because maybe you're trying to find a girl to fill two distinct relationship roles:
1) the no strings attached **** buddy
2) a normal friend you can chill with but then go do your own thing when done hanging out - like a typical guy friend that most straight males hang with.
And that probably won't work.

CS3 firing truth missiles!

Decided to cancel the date and delete the apps. Thanks for talking some sense into me.

I don't want to set a bad precedent and she's always been amazing each time we've met. The OKC thing could be anything, and is a flimsy piece of "evidence" at best. She's given me no reason to doubt her and I choose to trust her.

My last post came before reading this one, but I'll respond anyway.

I think I was just confused about the OKC thing, but now I'm over it, I don't care and will stop thinking about it. If she gives a more concrete reason to doubt her intentions, then I'll confront her about it.

In Mexico, I've basically only met girls, but I've started messaging a couple guys from ConversationExchange with similar interests and I'm planning to meet 2 of them next week to grab a beer and hang out. I do understand the need to have a handful of male friends which is why I recently changed my focus from datings apps to looking for avenues to make male friends.

In France, I had several. Mostly through my language class and one guy I met via poker. It wasn't as easy to get dates with very attractive women there so usually I'd go on a date about once a week and hang out with friends once a week.

It's a valid question though as I've basically only mentioned meeting girls off dating apps since I've been in Mexico. But it's something I have realized myself and have started to remedy.

I am not trying to find a relationship partner to fill all those roles at once as I think it would be extremely unreasonable to expect one person to be all that at once and would likely be doomed to failure from the get go.

Smells like subconscious self destructive behaviour right now, why do it if everything is going well?

I could possibly see it at the very beginning or if the chemistry isnt there, or you're just FWB.

Almost like you are trying to test the relationship.

Eta .: glad your not trying to date others right now, I didn't finish the thread when i originally posted

One of the recent dates, when we split she mentioned she was going to order a pizza.

Next day I text her 'had a nice time, how was the pizza?'

Don't hear back for a week, I assumed I'd been ghosted. Then I randomly get a text 'actually I ordered Mac and cheese'

Wut. I can't even imagine what is going through someone's mind to ignore the conversation for a week after a first date and then send that text.