Flaked on yet again tonight. I expected it because I always expect it, but it’s still lame.

Dont worry about it, instead try to be extra gregarious to forget it.

I just talk to random people, if nothing else i mention getting stood up, its amazing sometimes how many are willing to commiserate with you.

Bummer Malucci. Did she give you much notice?

Thanks! Went on 3 dates so far this week, didn't manage to escalate any. Half hug when meeting. Go for those exact LE booths where we're basically touching, find a few silly situations to make psychical contact, better hug to say goodbye. Haven't gotten past that, but I've already got 2 second dates lined up and probably >50% on the last one. Maybe they are just not comfortable with themselves, or maybe I need to be more fun/silly. Or maybe they're not into me, not sure why they'd go for another date but girls can be confusing

Honestly I find these dates so boring, and think I am boring on them. I'm sure part of that is the grind but I also need to improve at it. 30 minutes of 'what was the last movie you saw' followed by 1-2 hours of decent flowing conversation with a stranger is just kinda meh.

Also, is it just me or do girls always come with a massive collection of coats and purses? That's kind of a buzzkill to me.

Tuesday: Set up this date pretty easily, then did the LE->tabletop as mentioned earlier. She had no clue how to play pool but at least I had fun. Should do that more often! Next day her text saying she had fun had multiple exclamation points so I guess thats a good thing. I told her to set up the next date, she seems up to it.

Thursday: This is the girl who asked me out. She had made a reservation at novela. I think LE is >>> in terms of sitting close and noise level (pre-band). She had to leave after ~90 minutes so just walked around the park there. She was very into the conversation, tried a bunch of times to make light contact or stand closer but she seemed oblivious. She did ask to set up a second date before she left, and wants to do something active which is + in my book.

Friday: This girl was tough to go out with. ~3 weeks ago I asked her out on Tuesday, she said yes. Sent a confirmation day before, she asked for Friday. On Friday she said she was sick. Probably should have just given up at that point but I sent her a message on the weekend asking to reschedule. She replied that she was spending the next week in Hawaii, so I asked her to set up a date when she was back and forgot about her. Then she kept texting me while on her trip - which should be a good sign. However, radio silence after the trip. A week later I text her and she apologizes and is up for a date. Obviously texts me 30 minutes before that she will be late. Not sure why I'm still in at this point, I guess I'm a glutton for punishment.

Didn't make any reservations. LE->Wine Down. Convo started a bit slow, but in total date went about 4 hours and we both had a bunch to drink. Wine Down is actually quite good in that you can stand at the bar and you're basically making contact the whole time, once again she didn't make any sort of active contact though so I took that as a signal. Will see what the day-after texts bring.


Pretty burnt out at this point.

These TR kind of suck because first dates kind of suck but hopefully it gets better.


Oh, one more now. Girl had been replying to me every 2 weeks on the dot as our match was about to expire. Super strange, so after 3 messages (6 weeks) I just post my number and tell her to get off the app. This was a couple days ago and we've been texting a lot back and forth since then. An hour ago she just asked me if I was free tomorrow. Potential SK? Anyways she is driving in from Cupertino for a picnic so I'll be sure to stay in public. She was most attractive + flirtiest of my matches so I'll take my chances.

We were supposed to work something out when she got off at 10, got a message around 9:50 that she had a busy day and was tired. So...yeah.

I thought you were waiting for her to show up, i guess that's a little better.

Nope, with the amount of flakeage I don’t put myself in that position ever.

Thats almost worse. You are just as emotionally invested by 9:50, and you don't get to have the righteous anger of the other party being a terrible person, you're just left with mutterseelenallein

Yeah that's still pretty crappy tbh.

Ibavly - enjoyed the write ups.

But what is SK?

Ibav,

One thing I like to do on first dates is go to some new place I’m interested in checking out. That way even if the date’s boring at least I got to try something new.

True laurel and beehive are next on my list.

Serial Killer

Thats a good idea. Admittedly I have been pretty lazy on recent dates. I generally get more excited about trying new restaurants, bars are mostly all the same to me unless they suck. Still may as well increase my repertoire.

Hahaha, this was great.

It's hilarious that at least 4 of us ITT go to the exact same date spots. Next time one of you is doing the ole' Coin-Op -> Wine Down hop, feel free to stop over! Maybe the 3 of us can have a drink on my roof and I'll attempt to facilitate your physical escalation and then duck out.

You're definitely doing fine, just need to pull the trigger on actually kissing it seems like? Are you inexperienced with making the move for the kiss? Are you and the dates super young?

You being bored is a problem. I wrote about this a few months ago, that I usually enjoy myself on first dates. Don't get me wrong, I definitely DO NOT care for meeting new people in general; I can be quiet and awkward af at parties and am often bored to tears if I'm not with the select few people I really like. But something about an extended one-on-one (again, I feel similarly about job interviews and even work-facilitated co-worker coffees) is just right in my wheelhouse.

Anyway I'll psychoanalyze myself and try to figure out if I can communicate why I don't get bored in those situations, and if it's learnable.

You wrote relatively mundane first date stories in a humorous and interesting way (I like the "massive collection of coats and purses", even though I mostly don't have that experience), are you telling stories in that way on dates? You should be.

Yeah, I don’t mind first dates because I’m just trying to have fun. If she joins the fun and contributes to the fun then we’re both going to have a good time. If she doesn’t, that’s good too because I don’t have to waste any more time with her.

K I am clearly just a confused person now.

I have matched with 4 women who have seemed normal until they send me their snapchat name. I have no response. I dont have a snapchat. Are these just thirsty bitches? I am 27 and all these happen with 23 year olds(my minimum). I'm usually good at text talk but not if i don't have a snapchat apparently.

G,

Time for you to get on Snapchat!

I never had too much trouble in these spots with similar ages just saying I didn't have Snap or IG, and that it wasn't my thing. Still got their # each time. If someone unmatches you over not having snap, meh

Baltimore Jones,
Wait, why aren't you SF Jones?

His shirt's too dirty.

So we got a second date setup for today starting at noon. Doing a picnic where there are food trucks and beer/wine. She also suggested that we find a place at 5pm to watch the nba finals. I playfully said I’ll ditch her instead to hang out with my friends. But I told her I’ll probably play it by ear.

My concern is that 5 hours for a date is a long time. I’m afraid of already running out of things to talk about and killing the vibe we already have going. But she’s really cute so I’m going to have a hard time denying her if she asks again today.

rename thread to sf dating thread
Not young, but admittedly inexperienced. First date I went on after breaking out of the religious world led to 4 year relationship, now I'm trying to figure things out from scratch.
Thats a good point. I'm strong at interviews and one-on-one networking, and do actually enjoy them. Not sure what it is about dates that makes them so much less exciting. It might just be a success thing? The other person rarely ignores you afterwards in a professional setting, while most dates lead nowhere.

I'd like to hear that

Yeah that is definitely my style, everything is better when its a story (**** nassim taleb). Thats a huge tip for interviews as well, having given lots of interviews only a very small % know that I dgaf about random tasks they have performed, lots of edge in being able to keep me interested and convey an experience rather than a fact.

Had a good date yesterday! Most attractive girl I've gone out with, she was actually funny and flirty over text which was a nice change of pace. Probably a massive faux pas but I invited her to a picnic with my friends and dog (made it clear we were NOT dating for that part lol - had fun coming up with elaborate detailed back stories for how we met).

Hung out for a few hours before, got deli sandwiches. She told me I was much more attractive in person than in my photos, I guess getting negged is a good sign? On the way home she complained her cheeks were hurting from laughing and made me tell her morbid stories, another good sign. Kissed a few times, she missed her train and was waffling between hanging out at my place for a bit but backed out. Most likely confirmed not serial killer.

Stole some of the BJ ideas, getting fake upset to initiate contact was a good one. If this was a standard first date I would enjoy dating way more, but it seems most girls think its weird to do anything other than drinks.

Name randomly came out of my brain when I needed a new one, have no connection to the city or to apparently some real (?) person with this name when you search it. (Perhaps had come across that name and then subconsciously stole it.)

I have watched The Wire.

Yea sounds disastrous imo. I think I basically never do day dates unless I'm medium-term dating somebody, this being part of the reason (another part is that I'm pale af).

I also don't want to be anywhere near SF people watching Warriors games.

With "fake upset" imo it should be like you're cockily apologetic, like you're done with her after her last comment. "Fake upset" makes me picture hugging her and saying "oh no!" and fake crying when she says she's gonna hang out with her close guy friend, though obviously that's not what you mean lol.

Barrin: great day for that kind of a date. Unlike Baltimore, I like second/third date day drinking, especially long mimosa brunches. However, I’d definitely set the expectation that you have to leave around 4 to go meet up with some friends for the game. You can always pull an audible if things are going incredibly well.

Baltimore: you ever go to Oola? Decent date place to get a couple drinks. Might not be KINO OPTIMAL for you, but it’s dark, reasonably quiet, and never crowded except for convention times. I think you already mentioned Terroir, which is one of the best date places in soma, though can easily get kinda expensive.

I stupidly have not (wasn't really even on my radar), even though it's in a completely optimal location. If I would have done 5th date there with the one that fell apart in September after I couldn't take a selfie instead of in a rando location, it probably ends with sex instead of mutual ghosting.

I probably would have gotten around to a date there or on that block, but haven't been interested enough in a 2nd date since 2017.

A man after my own heart