Yoga instructor and i had a 5th date last night in a park, café, and walking around a new neighborhood. We had a preliminary version of the chat. She mentioned that she got that one “you’re hawt” email from OKC which probably piqued her interest in signing back in but that most of the messages she’s received have been weird. I forget exactly how she worded her next comment but it was something to the effect of “I like you a lot but there are so many girls on OKC, you might just find another one”. So I told her that I’ve been way less interested in dating other girls (true) and eventually we both agreed that we’d stop looking and to let the other person know if that changes.

So about 2.5 weeks and 5 dates to take it to the next level, which seems a bit fast but we’re both mid 30s, probably a bit sick of the dating grind, and have a good idea what we want. She has an incredible personality, so far hasn’t exhibited any of the crazy Latina gene (I think being into yoga and meditation so heavily has really mellowed her), and we can’t keep our hands off each other when we’re together. Her kisses are really quite intense and usually leave me feeling lightheaded.

We’re planning to meet again on Saturday night for dinner then she’ll stay at my place for our first overnight stay together. Really hoping she’s not one of those girls who wants to sleep while cuddling bc I prefer minimal or no contact while sleeping.

Baltimore,

Sounds like Barrin has never met her in person and is trying to set up a first date, but I could be wrong.
How is he supposed to end the date early if it's a hike?
Get out of the car, hike a few steps, "ohhhh no! I forgot I had a birthday party to go to in 5 minutes!", then turn around and head back to the car?

A hike is the kind of date where you're pretty much comitted to seeing through to the end.

Last date we couldn’t get our hands off each other. But this was also the same girl I couldn’t get up with because of my nerves which she she seem a little disappointed. But even after that it didn’t extactly died down. She seemed into me afterwards. We just haven’t been in touch much because I have been busy with parents in town and on-call work. Feels like these things just kills everything.

But you are right, there is a general imbalance of interest that I’m seeing. I’m going to hold off on texting her. I feel like she’s willing to let this die out by the time Monday rolls around. If she does mention the hike again, I feel like I’m going to have to call her cause I just can’t gauge interest over text and it’s driving me crazy.

I think this was the one he'd seen 3 times?

In most cases there'd be more to the date than a hike.

Oh yea sorry forgot about that. Well definitely have a plan to get back to whoever's place, if the date happens.

Don't call her.

Is it possible she isn't into hikes, or is that something you've already done and/or discussed?

Has she now not said anything back since you said you were available Monday? If your availability text was the last thing sent, don't text again unless she does.

(Note: all of this nitty "tactical" discussion is obviously a bad sign if you're interested in a real connection.)

I would try to set that date with the other one you're interested in even if it conflicts with Monday.

I think in general there is a vast overreaction to plan changes etc., as everyone wants to be super sure they aren't foolish.

The girl seems to be into him and specifically suggested a different day. No reason to panic or go into DEFCON mode IMO.

Balt,
You were right, I had the first date thing mixed up.
But the other stuff you mentioned is why I said time to move on. All signs point to her not be that interested in him as anything more than a backup plan to the backup plan.

Only time will tell what’s going on. Will keep you folks updated. For now I’m going to do my own thang and try and not think about it too much.

Yea she hasn’t said anything since that availability text I sent yesterday morning. Won’t be texting at all.

Just got this . Should I even bother responding?

Just responded. Told her I felt something was off, and that I appreciated the honesty. Wish her the best of luck. Chances are we might run into each other again considering we have a mutual friend.

Looks like cs3 had a good read.

On the bright side of things I got a date with the pharmacy school girl next Wednesday. But now my self esteem is kind of low since Now im wondering if she lost interest because I couldn’t get it up.

Yeah not a shock, you seemed to know the answer right off the bat and didn't want to believe it.

To your last point, it doesn't help at all.

Fossil - it's too bad for the thread, but congrats to you. Glad it's working out so well. Good job!

Barrin - that was inevitable based on her and your described previous behavior. She didn't "forget" a birthday party lol. Most women are not slow texters - if they don't text back immediately sans a known valid reason, you are not a priority. Your response to the birthday text was not what I would call playing it cool, btw. No need to reference her birthday month and the "no shame" stuff, it just comes across as insecure. A superior response there would have been to say "Monday works. 19:00 @ (restaurant/bar/etc)?" or similar. Don't be wishy-washy. Not trying to make you feel bad, this is intended as constructive criticism.

Chopstick - I really appreciate the feedback. Looking back at my previous texts, I probably didn't play it as cool as I originally thought. It probably will be cringe-worthy reading through the texts again a few months down the road. Oh well, live and learn. Time to move on..

Thanks man, it was fun doing the whole speed dating thing, but I think I would have slowed down the pace whether I found someone or not. Just kinda gets old grinding through the same topics on Tinder, then on 1st dates, etc.

I had my 6th date with the yoga instructor, we had a nice Dinner then she slept over at my place, then walked around for a bit and had a lunch and she left. Had sex 4 times and I think she has a very healthy libido, which is an important factor for me. Still can't believe that everything seems so great after 6 dates. She seems so laid back, sweet, mature, it's a great find for me.

Conversation topics got pretty serious at times. My apartment is pretty nice and she lives a more modestly and expressed concerns that it might be tough for her to keep up financially, but I replied that it's something I've thought about and it won't be an issue, and other than wanting a nice, quiet apartment (b/c I play poker, do yoga, and meditate here), I don't really have expensive tastes.

I think she knows that I got around a bit and asked to take an STD test with me. It's an understandable concern. I believe I'm clean other than a girl I slept with about 10 days ago, so it will be a minor sweat. I think she's had very few (maybe no) partners since she broke up a couple year long relationship about a year ago.

It seems kinda fast to be getting into convos this serious, but we both really like each other so I don't mind. I finally deleted all apps last week and haven't seen another girl recently. Don't know if this is moving along way too fast after only 3 weeks and 6 dates, maybe the rules are slightly different when you're in your mid 30s?

We're going on a weekend trip to Puebla next Saturday and I'm really excited.

Barrin-- tough break but id be willing to bet the difficulty getting it up had nothing to do with this. Sadly, I'm pretty sure most women are accustomed to bad sex, especially the first time they're with a man. Its way more likely that she thought it was a mismatch of personalities.

Totally disagree.

As a case study, my girlfriend was a slow texter after our first couple dates. I later found out she was enamored with me from the first date on, was texting friends and family about how much she liked me, etc.

I think girls often have a mental hangup that if they always text back quickly they'll come off too desperate. Even apart from that-- I have so many things to worry about that are more important than remembering to promptly text back a random girl that I've met twice, even if those two meetings were really good. How entitled would I have to be to expect any different from the girl?

Actually to clarify-- I don't disagree with the "you are not a priority" part. I just don't see why being a priority should be expected or a big deal.

I'm going to expand on this a bit:

Being a priority after a few interactions is a horrible sign. Do you really want to be with someone who has made so few meaningful lasting relationships in their life that you get bumped to the top of the list of priorities after a few texts or even a few dates?

(my women and I got super obsessed with each other immediately upon meeting online over a decade ago, but that is different and special and not really normal, and I'm guessing that most of you don't want to emulate my life)

I don't think that's so abnormal when two people really hit it off.

I'll reiterate that it isn't a great sign if you feel a super strong connection right away.

People who make strong immediate connections are usually not well-suited for long-term connections.

We'll have to agree to disagree.

I think the fact that it was with multiple women makes it abnormal

Ugh just brutal. I've said this before, but I'd honestly rather be ghosted.

I don’t know. Maybe after one or two dates, I wouldn’t mind being ghosted. I opened up a little bit with her and too soon, so I would had been really hurt if she ghosted on me. I actually feel guilty for some reason for wasting her time, almost wanted to text her sorry for not having things work out. But I was smart enough to realize that it was my insecurities speaking out.

On the bright side of things, I’m glad I put myself out there. Learned a little about myself, not to get too attached and always come into dates with low expectations. And everyone here has been giving me good advice. So I really appreciate it .

I would never rather be ghosted. IMO that feels the worst and is the worst dating thing you can do to anyone. Don't any of you guys (or gals, if any are here) do that thinking it's best for everyone. It's not. It's the chicken-**** thing to do.

Barrin, don't beat yourself up about any of this. Don't know why you would worry you wasted her time, it doesn't seem like you did anything wrong here. It just wasn't a match. Good luck with the next date.

And don't exactly go in with low expectations, as in you think it won't go well, or that's probably what will happen. Just go into the date with expectations that you will have a good time that evening, and you are more likely to do so. Certainly hold off on expecting a serious relationship though.

Yea good point. I think I worded it poorly. Just go in and have fun.