When I first tried online dating, I put up a boring, clichéd profile, my messages were uninteresting, my pics sucked. In my personal life, I had little experience dating, I was still really shy and hadn't broken out of my shell. Didn't have many interesting hobbies nor life experiences.

So of course I received almost no replies on the dating site I was using (I think maybe Match at that time). So I realized pretty quickly that I needed to improve stuff in my life if I wanted to attract higher quality partners. I started going to Toastmasters, yoga, dance classes, Couchsurfing get togethers, language classes, traveling more, etc. I learned how the dating game worked through this thread and other resources. After a year or two, I was finally able to start dating attractive and interesting girls.

From my perspective, I'm grateful to have had this feedback from my online dating experience to show me that I was lacking in a lot of areas and serve as a catalyst to improve my life and get out there and be more social. I am still an introverted guy, but I've learned a lot about how to maximize and highlight my strengths and recognize and minimize my weaknesses (I'll never be the guy who takes over a room or immediately wins over all my date's friends).

I imagine that if I was a girl, I still would have been getting attention on the dating sites, and probably would have been going on bad dates and having a bad time of it in general. It would have been way easier to write it off as just meeting bad matches rather than realizing that it was really me that was the problem.

So while it "sucks" that you could possibly send out 50 messages and not receive a single reply. It's also a blessing in disguise b/c it tells you that for the moment you're aiming way too high and either you need to be more realistic about your value in the dating world, or you need to engage in some self-improvement if you want to have success with your target group.

Yeah. I got pretty good at looking over a profile, finding a hook and quickly composing a message based on that.

I didn't usually pose a question, unless it was funny/snarky/funny. My messages were usually some kind of joke referring to the hook.

Almost all my dates were from okcupid. I found tinder much harder. But my Tinder profile was so full of **** I got lots more first messages from it.

I think you rule Fossil

Be sure to pass that along to your cute, single friends!

I've just been lucky to meet some wise people along the way and have learned a lot about life indirectly via poker which caused me to branch out into yoga, buddhism, psychology and learn more about why humans think/act in certain ways and how to take steps to change negative habits.

Online dating can be really simple though. I think it is just about:

1) Knowing how to put your best foot forward (good profile, good messages, good photos, knowing how to date, build, and maintain attraction)

2) Recognizing that online dating shouldn't be a life "fix". You should already lead a rich, full life. Online dating, and a great partner is just a complement to that. You shouldn't "need" a partner to be happy. I think this takes a ton of pressure and overthinking out of dating b/c if you find someone great, that's wonderful, and if not, who cares, you have other things going on.

3) Being honest with one's self. If I'm not getting the results I want, then there's probably something with myself I could improve. Or maybe my expectations are out of whack and I should target a more realistic audience than just Victoria's Secret models.

Beyond that, I think the rest is just gravy.

That's not to say I'm some ace in all these areas. Like all of us, I have plenty of areas I can improve on and things I need to work on. I'm just a normal guy who hasn't been afraid to follow my passions, make mistakes along the way, pick myself up, dust myself off, and try to do better the next time.

The better life you have, the more obvious it is to people. People (women) can pick up on that and want to be a part of it, and why shouldn’t they?

People want to be with happy people. Be happy gang!

Not everyone! I don't want to be around happy people, ugh. If you're not smart and aware enough to realize how terrible this whole world is, I don't want to bother with you. Depressive realism is the only proper perspective.

A friend of mine found his girlfriend on Craigslist, ad titled "Depressed Man seeking Depressed Woman".

Hey do whatever floats your boat, but this is really bad advice for most men. If you come into a date acting like Elliot Smith you are dead in the water with 95% of girls.

Fossil, you definitely get it. I typically only reply back to men who seem interesting and look like they know how to have a fun time.
Eventually I’ll snap and just take what I want!
This wasn’t the worst first date I ever had, but it was definitely the most boring. I’m not surprised by the outcome. I would have normally ignored him, but I decided to test the notion that I might be weird or aiming too high. My sense of humor can be quirky at times, but this guy was just plain weird. I could not relate.

I wasn't trying to give advice to men (or even women), just saying that not everyone wants to go out with only happy people. I bet Elliot Smith got lots of female admirers though; I am sure that depression works better attracting the opposite sex when combined with artistic / musical talent.

What is the draw to not being happy and satisfied?

Seriously, if being a loner and serious is your thing, it makes you happy, right?

Touche.

No draw to it, it's just the way plenty of people are. I don't want to derail this thread, but there is lots of discussion of it here if you are interested:

https://forumserver.twoplustwo.com/3...ssion-1684388/

I may be the only one but...

elaborate!

Fossil,

I'd like to introduce you to my friend jellyfishcake.

I agree, there is so much horrible awfulness in the world. Seems like we’re drowning in it more than ever. But if you’re not out there looking for the good in it, and just wallowing in the awfulness, then I don’t want to be around you. I don’t need the constant reminder. I used to be that way, and now I live a much more enjoyable life...and it’s gotten better in pretty much every regard since. Never going back.

Nice, I could use a sounding board to vent about my crappy job, the hassle of shaving, and my idea for a webcam girl operation!

Chillrob,

There's lots of people who recognize the world blows dick on a macro level, but can still have fun, and look at the bright side, on a micro level. We're not too dumb to see it. We just choose to make the best of it.

Well said, cannabusto.

Chillrob, you must be fun at parties. Damn man, lighten up. Life's too short for that mindset.

Honestly wouldn't be the worst date ever.

There are some things that I am not capable of putting into written word
I’m opened to paid therapy sessions, albeit I’m not a professional

She wants to be paid to go on a date with a dreamboat like Fossil...no hope for this one.

You picked up on that too, eh?

lol I love you guys

Good feeling about this one I met tonight..

Tell us more...