Maybe a studio in a not as centrally located spot, then?

I don't know Portland but I can compare to Chicago where I used to live. 1 BR in Lincoln Park or River North $1600/mo+, but a studio in a farther out neighborhood where it's super easy to commute to all the areas girls go out could be done for $800-900.

She goes to nudist camps so she could just be a free spirit who sees sex as no big deal like a guy.

Or maybe she felt obligated b/c Amazin' let her stay at his place.

Or maybe she had never banged a black guy.

Real Talk: Should a guy in their early-mid 30's living in a major city even date at all if they don't have their own place and aren't making $50k+?

Wut

How you gonna get a sugar momma if you don't date?

Yes

There are a couple exceptions. You dont have to make $50k if you're doing something super interesting (in a band; in med school; have a startup), and you don't have to have your own place if you live in NYC or SF. In general this is a good rule though.

Dudes in Portland who have jobs and date are probably the majority but it's certainly not a requirement. I heard a lot of moaning about it though. Fwiw, I got compliments for 'acting like a man, not a wuss' but. That could be an age demo thing.

So this isn't really an online dating issue, but a general one.
Met someone briefly at an event last weekend. Had been messaging with her, planned to go out next week because she has alternating week child custody. But she ended up having a window available today near where I live so we met at a restaurant for an hour for a chat and a snack.

It went well, she says she still wants to go out next week. I was thinking about trying to kiss her when parting, but... it looked like she might have a cold sore. I gave her a little hug instead, it didn't feel awkward that I didn't kiss her because it was daylight and in a public place, but wondering what my play is now...

I think more than 50% of adults have oral herpes anyway. If you've kissed multiple people who've kissed multiple people, you prolly have it. Most people who have it get mild or no symptoms.

Yeah, I know there is a decent chance I have the HSV1 virus already. I have never had a cold sore, but I dated a woman for many years 20 years ago who got them when she was sick or stressed. We didn't even kiss whenever she got one, but I was probably exposed.

Always hoped that meant my immune system was strong and I fought it off, but not sure. Also don't know if I had the virus but never had symptoms, but then was exposed to someone who had symptoms, would it make me more likely to get the sores.

"That's really rough, sorry. In my case this would lead to good fantasies though - do you at least have that going for you?"

I actually think this may have been an issue. My sexual performance wasn't great. Right before penetration I had the sense to suggest we use a condom and she agreed. My room is extremely cold (It's significantly colder than the rest of the house, which is roughly 70° at night) and I spent a minute fumbling through the drawer (had to use my phones flashlight) before finding an old condom. By that time I'd lost my erection and it took me several minutes to achieve an adequate erection for penetration.

Maybe she just thought the sex sucked. I was surprised she was willing to engage in intercourse without protection. Perhaps she's on birth control, but we never discussed the issue. If I had known she was on birth control I'd have gladly eschewed protection

+1
Please explain. Also, birth control doesn’t protect you from diseases.

There's a girl I'm interested in, but I doubt she sees me as more than a friend. She's 24 and works for a vegan company as a traveling consultant. We originally met in L.A at an event and she's been stationed in Portland for the past week. Her first day in town we met for lunch and had a stroll through downtown Portland. Today we met for a festival downtown with her travel partner. I had a great time, but there was no romantic escalation. She mentioned she wanted to meet again for a hike.

I told her before her visit I was interested in her romantically; is the optimal course of action simply to keep spending time with her and see how things play out?

Jelly, "old" in this context means an unused condom I bought 9 months ago (the last time I'd had sex) and has been laying around since.

In reference to your previous post, I think my looks are the best thing I have going for me.

I think this is a long shot, but I'll throw it out there. The vegan community is relatively small and cloistered, and the old adage "everyone knows everyone" is a truism. There's often strife, infighting, and dissent. Many people have a vendetta against me. In fact, a girl I was romantically interested in a few months ago told me herfriend advised her against pursuing a relationship with me due to my being a "perv and player". I posted several pictures on social media of myself and the girl I had visit me. It's possible someone contacted her and warned her to steer clear of me.

When you simply relay your stories I cringe on a regular basis. I doubt she needed a Facebook message.

Why would you be posting pictures of yourself with any woman you're not in an exclusive relationship with??

Why not?

I think you're showing why not right here. I can see no benefits that could accrue from doing so, and a lot of ways it could hurt you.

Agreed. Although if there's no romantic interest it shouldn't be an issue

Oh god, this. Stay off social media entirely? Has to bring way more harm than good.

Amazin: why do lots of people have a vendetta against you? Why do some think you're a perv?

Jellyfish: how close to the Pacific Northwest do you live?

Eld, vegans come from a myraid of different races, political inclinations, sexual orientations, religions, etc. Obviously when people with stark fundamental differences attempt to set them aside and work in cohesion for animal-rights, relations are rocky.

Many conservative vegans dislike me due to my views on police brutality, LGBT rights, etc. This gal was Republican (although anti-Trump) and it's entirely possible they'd attempt to sabotage our relationship.

I don't think she thought I was a perv. Just wanted to sabotage

Heh, I meant fantasies after the fact, potentially enhanced after such a bad outcome.

You can ask about birth control and STDs and probably should. I bailed out recently when a woman said she wasn't on BC, even though I was going to use protection either way. I knew it was going to be a one time thing and wasn't that interested, and even the small increased risk was not worthwhile. Not completely a conscious choice, lost interest physically too.

~60-70% of Americans have HSV1 depending on who is estimating it, about 80% have either HSV1 or 2. After age 50 it's roughly 80% for HSV1 alone.

Sorry, Rob, but even when someone doesn't have an outbreak, the virus is shedding on about 80% of days. You have the herp. You probably contracted it from your aunt Judy kissing you on the mouth as an infant, so your ex is likely not to blame. Be grateful you're asymptomatic. But, the silver lining is, everyone in this thread has the herp because we all kiss girls. Well, maybe not all of us. Some of us lie about banging hairy, nudist broads for whatever reason.

Either virus can cause cold sores or genital herpes, but usually it's HSV1 on the mouth and HSV2 on the genitals. Without testing there's really no way to know for sure which you've got.

/PSA