He's either quite good-looking/tall and/or dating in SF is easy as ****. Those are solid, but not gold by any means. I tend to agree with Hoagie though, that a non-terrible opener will do just fine and from there it just takes a bit of witty banter to close.

Is this guy like super hot or something? They're snappy, but most of those sound super low effort and I'd bet every girl has a mailbox full of these.

Regarding your "not good looking enough for a LTR" comment.

How does her looks disqualify her as a long term partner?

Is she the typical fat chick you get with when the bar closes?

It just struck me that you would make it a reason.

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This one I liked.

So, Netflix and chill at my place Saturday?

Hello Friends,

I am visiting your community and was recommended this thread by some friends in BBV4L. Currently there is One that I yern to be my lover. One and I are acquaintances however, due to the distance it is not like we see each other often. Some time ago, I noticed One was on the app, Tinder. I am trying to figure out the correct strategy to express to One my feelings to One.

I have tried several strategies including, but not limited to, using fake accounts to get One to match. This actually worked, but I was not sure what to do after that. I also would like One around 10 pm and then delete my account at midnight and try again the next day.

I am unable to figure out a good strategy. I would like to randomly come upon One and see what happens, but how can I do that in a natural setting?

Should I "Super Like" One and see what happens? This seems to be my best option. It would allow One to do know my feelings and we can see if One has feelings in return.

I would appreciate any advice.

-O

PS

Here is the thread from the BBV4L community where I discuss my Tinder problems https://forumserver.twoplustwo.com/6...oblem-1544907/

I don't try to be as witty as these messages seem to. my messages are closer to the boring.

Oberbrunner,

I actually think the "super like" is not a bad option for you. But geez don't even think about "feelings" before actually messaging her - just use the app as an excuse to have a fun conversation with her.

"Oh crap, I super-liked you? How embarrassing..." then go from there

I usually just send a picture of a picture of a dick.

From reading your post, you seem a bit immature.

It would probably be best if you take a while before acting upon your tween fixation and wait until you reach at least the age of 18 before reaching out to One... those 3 or 4 years will fly by in no time.

Best of luck in 2020-21.

Oberbrunner, don't try to match with her online if you actually talk to them in real life.

I've done it, once by accident, and it conveys creepyness.

Either they are embarrassed that someone they know knows they internet date, or the fact you can't express yourself to them in real life is creepy.



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(inspired by Oberburner's question) I don't use facebook, but is it possible to match on Tinder with someone that you're already "facebook friends" with? (I don't see why not, but just curious...). I know that Tinder shows how many mutual facebook friends you have with a match, but can you match with someone you already know on Facebook?

And if so, is the "mutual facebook friends" info that Tinder displays any different? Does it instead say "you're already friends; just bang already..."

What? Is this a real question? I think almost everyone, whether they're conscious of it or not has a range of looks they'd consider initially for a LTR, or for just hooking or, or not interested at all. Do you just message every single girl on a site or match with every girl on Tinder b/c they could all be potential LTRs?

No, not that bad, and she's starting to grow on me. Typical 5 who could be pretty cute if she lost 15-20 lbs.

She's a graphic artist who likes to draw and once we moved to WhatsApp showed me some of her erotic art she's dabbling in, she's actually pretty good I think. She was impressed that I didn't immediately start acting like a perv once she showed me. Still, it's not like I'm even overly excited to meet her at this point.

Have a little situation. Five dates - the 4th was just at her place, not "all the way" because she had to drive a couple of hours late that night.

Going into the 5th there was little doubt there would also be a 6th. Dinner, good, new place dessert, good, new place another drink, still good. Talking and physically affectionately acting like I'm her bae. No question we're good.

Then she wants to take a selfie together in the restaurant we were drinking at. I'll do this type of thing sometimes, but wasn't crazy about it at a nicer quiet place. Still, I attempted it. I'm not photogenic and am bad at posing properly in photos, and so we didn't really get a good one. I was kinda tired of trying to get a perfect one after a few minutes and figured that would be the end of it, but she was very put off. I pressed her on her attitude and she said I'm a "buzzkill" (presumably referring to things such as she dances and I don't, she likes to club and I don't, she'll make a scene with selfies and I'm less likely to, etc.).

It was basically a near-complete shutdown by her after that. I walked her home a few blocks, there was some kissing etc. but not the way it had been (we'd had excellent physical chemistry before, like about as good as it gets IME, and she did verbally confirm the chemistry).

I think a "regular" long-term monogamous relationship is not in the cards due to our differences (though you never know), but there are certainly other arrangements that could be made and/or I'd like to continue dating her casually.

No contact since I got in the Lyft Thursday night.

What's the play? I considered sending her 1-3 of the selfies which imo came out ok (the original plan was I would send her them), but have not done so and lean against now. I think it's going to be no contact on my end until at least Wednesday (so about 6 days from the date), then perhaps I'll give it a shot (though I think if it goes that long w/o her reaching out, it's probably over). Leaving it alone IME can be extremely effective, and I wouldn't be surprised to get a v friendly text from her out of the blue in the next few days if I stand pat.

I'm also interested in how you people would handicap me seeing her romantically again. Like, late on the 5th date it was 80-90%. Does it really go down to 30% based on one bad 30 minute stretch, or am I overreacting? It's possible she was just exhausted and had to pee (she said she did) and so she wasn't as affectionate for 30 minutes.

I guess gun to my head I say I see her again and it's like 55%. It's really close.

(I've also had multiple instances with this one where I thought I was DOA for whatever reason but was totally fine.)

I read the first one and it's terrible. It's totally different from the film, dialogue sucks (especially the lolromance), and it takes like 8 pages to describe what's happening in his head with the amnesiac skills, which in the film takes approximately 5 seconds of screen time and does a better job of conveying it.

The Talented Mr. Ripley is a better option for books-that-were-adapted-into-Damon-films. (I wound up reading all 5.)

BJ: Haha, it sounds like you have exactly the same response as I would to a girl who acted like that, and I'd also want to at least turn it into some fbw relationship, but in reality I just couldn't get myself to act like the idiot she needs. And I don't think you'll be able to either. Should have slept with her on date 2 or 3, just forget about it now! Instead, maybe we can get together for some Matt Damon movies?

pop: The guy is good looking and he is tall (6'3 I think), but he is not like a model or anything super special. I agree his messages aren't great, but they are super quick/easy, and he can fire out a lot of them very fast. So he skims a profile, fires off a quick one-liner like that which is just enough to separate him from the "hi what's up, youre cute, have any fun plans this weekend?" crowd of hot dumb guys, and his pictures plus the just slightly customized messages are enough to get him past all the agonized over long messages from less attractive guys. So yeah, he surely misses out on some girls a better message might have worked with. But in the time he could have come up with that message, he can fire off ten like this and get a few replies. I'll take a look later and see about response rates to these messages, I didn't look at that earlier.

Assuming your friend doesn't delete his sent messages I'd be interested in how many messages he had to send to get 10 replies. Those messages range from good to decent, with "hey beautiful......" and "You must drive all the coder boys crazy!" not my kind of thing at all (I think they're pretty gross).

I think while it's obvious, it needs to be said that someone who is a 6'3 good looking guy with nice pictures doesn't really need a great opening line, but someone who isn't that would need a better approach, so anyone discussing chatting strategies needs to be upfront about where they lie on the spectrum of attractive.

It's the same concept of when an attractive person says/does something silly it's endearing, funny, or intelligent, but the same thing an unattractive person does is seen as creepy and dumb.

I'm just wondering why you make that a priority for a LTR, of course good looking is usually a first in attraction, just not something used as a major factor for an LTR.

I ask this because I hear reasons that strike me as unusual for determining a LTR ..

I've heard "they make good money"

"They aren't fat"

Stuff like that,even the old "He's got a big ****".

To me , asking this question tells alot about the person.

A normal response (to me) is along the lines of personality,not physical or fiscal attributes.

Not knocking you, just was curious.







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Yeah, pretty much standard that she drops to a FWB, or just friend zone.

Dropping her is also possible.

Maybe she reaches out, apologizes and you can go on, everyone has a bad day, maybe it was a one off.

But let her reach out first, IMO



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BJones,

I would let her make the next contact. My estimation that will happen is around 10% probability.

Sorry bro it happens.

She sounds like the kind of person I'd find a PITA to be around anyway and I suspect after the sting wears off you will feel that way too.

Next.

Eey,

Not taking looks into account for a potential LTR if very strange.

I'm sure he didn't mean it that way. I also don't really get that someone would be attractive enough that you would want to date her or have her as FWB, but didn't find her attractive enough to marry. Physical attractiveness matters for sex, which you would have in all 3 types of relationships.

Chill,


That's what I considered a very strange position.

No, making it a priority is strange.

"Yeah,she's racist and cheats on me,
but she's hot,so we're getting married"


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LTR material is just hot enough to satisfy you, while not so hot other dudes are all over her.

Yeah, I know, I just don't find that strange at all and would agree with his statement. Physical attractiveness would be a good indicator of if I wanted to have sex with someone or not; other things would determine if I wanted more than sex.