The other play is to send her a message and pretend like you never talked before (or you can't remember talking to her). She might not remember, either. It's very low effort.

If she doesn't respond to your first message, I don't think sending another one accomplishes much. If you've already been chatting with her and then she stops responding, another message a week or two later can work. Sometimes you can get lost in the sea of messages she gets, plus they like the persistence. I've done this twice and once led to sex, not sure on the second one yet.

I can't imagine how she wasn't feeling the sexual chemistry from your manly display on the silks.

I think that picture is pretty good, if you could have the food PS'd out imo it would be good on your profile
but wtf do I know

For what it's worth I'm 3/3 with re-engaging girls with the following message including 1 that I'm now seeing regularly, so it is worth while. I usually wait 1 week with no response & only send to girls where I thought there was a high chance we'd really hit it off.

-----

I'm so cool.

First line says it all. If you've chosen to move on then I accept your decision but I really am fantastic you know, I'd hate to think you were missing out.

-----

All three commented that the message was funny & they felt wanted to kick things off again. All three wrote long messages back. Pretty cheesy but seems to work.

This. It might work, and I guess there's really no downside to rifling off another message, but don't think about it too much, just move on.

Also, re: nobody getting laid

I'm more interested in meeting someone who wants to sleep together 100 times in 6 months instead of 5 people I sleep with a few times. It's a process. But I do appreciate the trolling.

I basically did this.

It's been three weeks since I messaged her, so she may not remember. Or she may feel awkward about responding three weeks later. I figure this gives her an out to message me now. I've never sent a follow-up message after being ignored, and I don't plan to make a habit of it. If she hadn't viewed my profile recently and I didn't think she sounded like a really good fit, I wouldn't have bothered. Anyway, it has been more effort to type this message up that to send her a second message. We'll see if she responds. If not, whatever. I'll let you know if she does. Like I said, I don't plan on doing it regularly or anything.

I also have my first dates this week from doing online dating. I have drinks set up for Tuesday and then Thursday with two women. I'm not really sure what to expect.

I have a few second dates this week. One is with the tall/hot chick from Belarus I went out with on Thursday, and the other is from the cute 24 year old I got coffee with about a week ago.

Also have a first date with a girl I've been chatting with a lot and added on facebook, seems pretty chill.

Done messaging girls for a while until I play these leads out... I think in the past I'd still be shooting off messages all the time, but I need to give the people I like more of a chance.

I actually kind of like what match does (they delete your email/wink history after like 6 weeks or something). Okcupid keeps a record of sending girls messages, so it's harder to play it off as "oh I forgot", but with match you can email a girl you emailed 2 months ago without it being too awkward. I do think sometimes you just catch people at the wrong time so it can be worth trying again, but not after like a week.

I just got poked on facebook by some random girl I don't know. We have 2 mutual friends but they're people I don't talk to much. The only picture I can see is a group of girls so I don't know which one is her but none of them look bad (although they look high maintenance). What's my play?

Submissive beta position? Hahahah

Betas never get tested because they are not a sexual threat.

When a guy approaches a girl he conveys one of these 3 things:

1. I can **** you tonight.
2. I can **** you but not tonight.
3. I want to **** you but I can't.

They can tell. Betas are #3 obviously. Now if you #1 or #2 she will test you to see if you really are who you say you are.

Here's some examples:

"You're too short"
"You're ugly"
"I only date blond guys"
Etc.

If you know who you are then you're not going to react to that and just laugh at her and change the subject. She will open up because "he's different".

And btw stunners don't give iois.

Some of this stunners are really cool chicks with great personalities but in order to meet the "real her" you have to break through that wall and tests she puts up initially.

Most guys think they are bitchy. Have you tried walking in 4 inch heels for 3 hrs? Have you had girls hitting on you non stop and everybody wanting something from you?

A beta does not know who he is and what he wants.
A beta is not being himself around girls.
A beta will try to impress her instead of putting he's personality on the line and express himself.
A beta will not be himself because a rejection will hurt his ego.

LOL at passing test makes you beta.

the only play is to poke her back

Oops, I hurt his feelings.

Yeah I'm eating icecream and crying myself to sleep right now.

I knew it!

This is such garbage. PUA stuff might be effective, but to claim it is about "being yourself" or NOT trying to impress girls is crazy. Everything I've heard from it is about making up stories and preplanned routines to pass tests or make you sound like a different person than you actually are.

I absolutely feel like when I am out with girls that I know who I am, I am being myself, and I am not specifically trying to impress them.

And I have been very successful in most aspects of my life. But these things don't automatically make you attractive to women IRL....they seem to want someone who is more conforming to their social ideals (i.e. being extroverted, spontaneous, and adventurous).

I've pretty much stopped messaging girls for the time being....I have two balls in the air, and am inclined to see how they shake out (hmm...I guess that's a pretty egregious mixed metaphor).

The first one is the girl I went on a 3rd date with on Thursday. The concert was great, although I managed to drop pizza in my lap during dinner beforehand. This girl has been alternately acting very skittish and totally in love with me. She has been texting me everyday, and we planned to go out again early this week, but I just heard last night that she has to fly to Poland tomorrow to see her sick grandmother (she had told me on Thursday that the grandmother has just had a stroke, but seem to be recovering). So I won't see her again for another week at least; I will talk to her on the phone tonight.

The second is a girl who lives in Memphis and is flying to St. Louis to visit me on Thursday. We've had two lengthy phone conversation, and she is a flight attendant, so she can fly for free and insists this is easy for her. She messaged me first, and said I had the "best thing ever written in an online dating profile". I asked how she found my profile, and she said she always searches with no location filter.

It sounds like we'll be spending two days together. I'm really unsure how this will play out...she's both very liberal and also rather Christian, and seemed from her profile unlikely to sleep with anyone she didn't know well. She had originally suggested staying in a hotel while visiting...I said she should stay with me, and she readily agree when I told her I had a sofa bed.
She's really cute though, and surprisingly smart and interesting from our conversations. I'm not sure how this would work logistically in the longer-term though.

One minor annoyance...Match just auto-renewed me for 3 months for $60. I probably would have renewed anyway, but I think I could have gotten it much cheaper had I been paying attention.

Finally, I had a strange religious discussion over text yesterday with the cocktail waitress I went out with 2 weeks ago. She said she "had the worst hangover ever and just found god again". Didn't think it was possible to get friend-zoned while online dating, but I suppose I was wrong.

Thanks for keeping this thread interesting, Nick.

and $60? Wtf? Like that's big effing deal.

I hate auto renew like that, though. That's why I'm staying away from match. It's also why I didn't use ancestry.com when researching family history and why I don't use ESPN Insider despite having an ESPN The Magazine subscription.

agree last thing you want is girls to think you'd eat food that was in a bag.

pic isn't bad at all. add it to the profile so girls can confirm you do things. I think having a picture where you're doing a activity is pretty crucial,concert,ariel silk basically any obvious activity. Might even be qualifier for some active/fit girls.

fwiw. my I go outside pic is a snowboarding one. for some anecdotal evidence i've had two random messages specifically about it. girls were 4 and 6 respectively. got 6s number and might be meeting up with her soonish.

I am messaging a girl who lives about an hour and a half away from me. She lives in a small town and visits where I live semi regularly. She is also moving to where I live in a May. I think it's going to be hard to keep whatever interest we've developed in each other going since we won't be seeing each other in person often. Is there any way to keep this going? Or should I just keep the convo to a minimum and hope she lets me know when she's in town?
Also, I'm 25 and she's 19..so that could complicate things.

Am I the only person who thinks that anybody who uses the terms 'alpha' and 'beta' to describe men is a complete bellend?

Agreed.

Agreed, it's been a good read, and Nick's been keeping it real.

Is this the same girl from these posts? Haven't read the whole thread yet.


Anyway, I might have missed more details, but just reading these I'd be a little careful. Messages you from a few hundred miles away because of something amazing on your profile, hot, totally willing to stay at your place before meeting you in person. I'm sure it's probably fine (seems like a pretty cool way to see the country and meet people) but I'd use some common sense in feeling the situation out when meeting her, and keep in mind there's some small chance of an angleshoot (including her not showing up).

Yeah, and I'd also be a bit concerned by a flight attendant chick going and finding guys all across the country and will just stay on their couches without ever having met up. Seems very sketchy to me, or she's a complete idiot. You think someone playing that game would have ended up in a dumpster by now.