Sounds like a plan. You're prob just suffering from a bout of oneitis due to your area/experiences. She's prob a demon in the sack, so just enjoy that while it lasts.

Focussing on older girls when you are 33 seems a pretty big leak.

I’m fine with 25-30, I just find it hard to get dates with younger girls. I have fairly damn high standards so I feel these girls are just hit up to the gills on dating apps which makes response rate lower.

Btw oneitis maybe? Folks here would stay friends with a girl like this? I just find doing cocaine very meh and odd. Maybe I’m just judgmental but I just associate it with trouble. 35 also, just odd behavior if you ask me.

Don’t be her friend are you are either end up being the guy who cleans up her vendors are you end up partying and doing drugs and sex with her . Pick your adventure

Shes an addict. Its a horrible red flag, mixed with some of the other things you've said like her quick temper. Seems like shes fun though.

You are basically asking us to tell you to drop her so maybe you should. I'd milk it until it wasn't fun anymore though.

People overestimate how attractive a 95th percentile man is. That's 19th out of 20. Consider the attractiveness of each random 25-40 year old man you walk past during the day, then select the 19th most attractive out of 20. 10% sounds correct.

It's similar to when people call Leonardo DiCaprio a 99th percentile man. 99 out of every 100 men have the status of Leo?

Her red flags chase most guys away, so she compensates by being really nice in the beginning. The facade will drop once you're hooked. Even fwb might be rough for you, because when things start to turn, you might be reluctant to walk away from the sure thing and go back to the grind.

In my decade plus of experience, girls that do blow often make for extremely fun lays. The downside is, 100% of girls that do it, at one point have... Or definitely in the future will, trade sexual activities for the product. It's a great company perk if you're on that side of the business. But don't get seriously involved. There will be drama.

I've done coke once in my life and it was with a girl who sounds a bit like the one Jk's describing. Sex right after was out of this world, I felt like Superman. I can see how that stuff would be addictive. And yah, FWB at most with your girl Jk. Too many major red flags.

Thanks for all the info. Idk if I should even Do FWB honestly bc sex makes me get attached honestly (I’ll be honest here). I just got back a month ago from vegas. I met this Mexican chick that I went on like 4-5 dates with and slept with. Kinda miss her bc we got along and she was super into me even though she’s telling me she wants to be single bc she just got out of 6 year relationship (her bumble said looking for casual also).

I might just be friends with this chick that likes drugs. Maybe try no sex. I just can’t see myself running a FWB successfully bc I want to be in a relationship if I’m sleeping with a girl honestly (also don’t want to worry about sex with a girl that could be railing other guys). The biggest red flag for me was her hating her parents. I feel that is a massive red flag for adopted person to hate the parents. I assume she has issues and her parents call her out for that **** obv. Most people don’t hate their parents.

^while people who use party drugs like coke recreationally do exist, they are quite rare (would love to see some decent numbers on that, but I'm guessing that most of the sample will lie in the polls), and it's pretty hard to be even friends with an addict

and this is coming from someone who used to do a lot of drugs (very little these days, fortunately)

What does she do that allows her to own a house and pay bills but still go on occasional drug benders without losing her job etc.?

She said she does contracts for a company. She told me she lost a prior sales job but didn’t explain why. They just fired her she said. Massive red flags. Another scare thing- she tells me she’s broke etc and money is tight which makes me go WTF. Her house is fairly cheap if you ask me. It’s in the city in a kinda dangerous area (she’s close to some pretty rough spots but local area seems kinda ok). Aka the area- I heard on news last week someone was murdered there from a nearby car shooting.

Like I said- this is going to be a friend. It’s kinda lame bc she’s into two of my big hobbies- hiking and edm / smoking cigars (she said she would smoke a cigar). Like from my limited experience- I feel almost no girls will smoke cigars. I went to vegas and took Mexican chick to cigar bar. She vapes but wouldn’t try a cigar even if I bought her one lol. I get the vibe a high % of chicks won’t even try cigars

While coke is an expensive drug ($80-125/gram), it takes very little to get ripped. So many people manage the habit by doing some on the weekends. While I had my fun with it on both sides of the coin, it quickly turns into something different. It goes from fun to unlocking weird things about yourself, sexual deviancy being number one. Women that get attracted to it and love it almost always land on the spectrum of sexual deviancy/promiscuity/nymphomania.

For anyone that's never tried it, I would say never do. You meet some legit scary and ****ed up people in those circles. I've been ripped off, heartbroken, beaten up on a backroad during a transaction and left for dead, still have good friends in prison for distribution charges.

It goes from being super fun, so getting super sad quick. Especially when you see people ruin their lives on it. I've had friends that I knew for 5-10+ years who went bad on it and did something crazy. One ripped me off for my personal mini-safe that had about $1900 in it and I never saw or spoke to him again, despite being in his wedding a year earlier. One girl I know who was brilliant in college, graduated with honors, had a 6 figure job in 2009 at the NCAA ruin her life dating a drug dealer. She eventually went to jail for being a getaway driver during an attempted murder.

Proceed with caution. You might wanna hit it at least once though. That 3-4am booty call will come soon. Trust me.

Why in the world would you want to date a girl who smokes cigars? Should she be into single malt scotch as well?

This. It's like guys who want girls who are into watching sports - that's what your mates are for.

IME every successful relationship needs a good excuse to not spend time with her.

You absolutely should not be friends with her, just drop it. Your personality is too prone to getting attached to her and that's potential disaster, wasting months or years of your life.

In general you're being too hard on yourself, you seem like you're reasonably able to get dates despite your negative spin on your situation. Keep going on dates and getting better at them. I was mediocre to awful at dating and had lots of sad stories (with some successes too) from like 2007-2016, but now I'm a chad despite being 6-15 years older.

Every woman I've known that was into cigars was also into single malt scotch - they were all either escorts, real estate moguls, or in HR. After getting to know them, I was more than fine to keep our friendship to the occasional cigar and scotch and stay far away from dating any of them

If I had to choose from that group I'd date an escort

She was also (supposedly) a disgraced trust fund kid whose family owned a chocolate company (but not the O Henry candy bar as per the Seinfeld episode). Got bored with sitting around doing nothing with money once she got divorced and start high-end escorting. Quit doing it once Congress enacted some law that got BackPages shut down and ran off with one of her long-time customers to live on his boat and write a book about everything.

I do love a good happy ending

I'll post some more feedback on my lol online dating life.

So the coke girl- idk if i posted this but i slightly made out with her at her house after drinking and smoking. Meh she wasn't really too great at kissing- it was really boring. I might just hang with her as a friend going forward bc we get along fairly well and im looking to make more friends.

I went out with this asian girl this past weekend to a bar downtown from where i live. She was kinda cute and dressed well (unlike the coke girl who wore tie-die to a dinner date lmao). We had good convo and she killed her gin drink in like 10-15 min. we end up going to another bar and grab another drink which i buy her one. Would this irritate you? She showed up 45 min late to date. I was lucky a friend was out so i grabbed a drink with him prior and told her it was all good, im just grabbing a beer with a friend. I didn't go for a kiss at end of date- i felt she was def looking for a kiss per normal behaviors from interested girls (she kept convo flowing very well, listened to me well, felt she checked her breath a few times earlier in night etc- i just got vibes she was into me).

I texted her saying i hope you got home safe after getting her # on the date. We are planning another date soon where she lives. Another bothersome thing is she lives 1 hour away. I probably wouldn't have set up a date with a girl if i knew she lived so far away but hinge said shes located in Syracuse (shes actually a student in Binghamton ugh). I might hang with her one more time. I get vibe she wants a boyfriend even though i'm kinda trying to stay single for now. ill hang with her 1 more time to see how it goes.


final note- am i crazy to visit mexico to hang with a girl? I met this girl from bumble while on vacay in vegas. She lives in playa del carmen. I might go visit there bc its fairly cheap and i can hang with her. We got along very well etc, had sex, many dates but she told me after i left she didn't want a boyfriend currently (her bumble said looking for something casual also- i just hope im not ****ing some girl that is plowing many guys- she seemed fairly innoncent and was a sexual deviant when i was in vegas). I guess i can go and sleep with her and have fun with her (maybe go out to eat, drink, etc) but just shouldn't expect anything longterm out of it obv. I know it may sound odd to go to mexico to hang with a girl but i feel i can just sit on a beach + go out to clubs alone if need be and meet others. I wouldn't go if she wasnt a local there though. The prices are also super cheap. Like 1k to fly there and get a hotel for a week which seems like pure value to me vs some of my other gambling trips.

If I was taking that far of a trip to see someone I had a fling with or only knew casually, I would make sure to have plenty of other fun things to do/see in case she flakes

If you're fine dropping $1k and know you can have a good time even if she bails or it doesn't go well, go for it

Maybe I worded it poorly, she came to where I live to visit. She was 45 min late from our original time though. I feel if I go visit her for a date 2, odds of her flaking are close to nil. If she does, it’s whatever I can move on but from past experience, a girl won’t be actively into a date 2 if she doesn’t want to see me again.

Part 2- Mexico: yea if she doesn’t hang with me somehow, I can just chill on beach and hit bars and find new girls if worst case scenario happened. The odd thing is she just started a new job where she works Monday-Saturday and she can’t necessarily take time off bc she just started. She told me she would come out at night and hang but I feel that is even iffy bc she works like long days (like 9-7 sometimes). It’s odd how Mexican culture they seem to work longer than Americans and for much much less money.

She didn’t believe I would come visit her. I’ve been messaging her a lot about it and I don’t see her getting a bf in that time. I discussed getting a place and said I wanted to go all inclusive but she couldn’t visit at night for boom boom so I just decided to go to a normal place(not all inclusive) so I can have her spend nights if she wants (I assume she will- she spent night with me in vegas).

I’ve been doing well on my small # of dates so far (have had like 4 over past 1-2 months in a bad area and only really botched one date bc I felt like getting drunk prior to the date due to expected nerves). The bad date- I ripped on the girls shoes and kinda went into bad convo points for a first date which I felt could have been easily avoided if I was sober. 2 dates following that one both went really well and I didn’t drink prior to the dates (even though bad date was probably best looking girl). In Mexico, I almost feel like I should try to hit nightclubs alone to find tail / hit up dating apps but I might just hang with girl I have- we get along very well and she’s fun. She likes to go out and dance/ eat at restaurants + is dtf and super into me. Not sure I should risk botching that in a foreign country by chasing other tail when it probably opens myself up to getting robbed/ scammed if I’m super unlucky.

Yes. Flying hundreds of miles to a girls home town out of the blue is a huge red flag. If she invites you to stay, fine, but dont just turn up expecting a warm welcome.