Sandra, what I’m saying is it wasn’t just her looks but her full package. I’m not usually intimidated by looks because I’m usually more intelligent, accomplished, stylish. I don’t have much on her. I still think I was game. I was dressed in a great outfit and spoke confidently, conversing with her as I would any woman I’m meeting.

Eeyore, what do you mean a long time not to touch base? We met Wed night and I texted her to say happy birthday the next day. She didn’t respond and I know she is busy this weekend, so I’ll wait till Tuesday and bring up going to the bar (which is closed Mon and Tue).

Take a step back and imagine how many "happy birthday" texts a hot chick gets? She probably has 350 unread messages. If you had more time to prepare, you could have sent her a custom funny happy birthday video card from Fiverr. Or you could have maybe sent her something funny accompanying it to stand out.

Russian and Eastern bloc European women are a tough read sometimes, because some American norms like humor and charm do not translate well. American "charm" is considered juvenile and childish.

Really attractive women hate being pandered to. Every guy does it. The aloof, "I want nothing from you, cause deep down your no more special than anyone else." Approach might work well. Especially if you are just trying to get to know someone.

For sure, I hoped to get a response to my happy birthday text but didn't expect it. I tried to do a little more with that text. I wrote: "Happy birthday! It was a pleasure conversing with you last night. I hope you have a great day."

She definitely seems like the type who wouldn't laugh at anything I say or do. I think the key with her is connecting on an intellectual level, particularly in her focus areas of literature and philosophy. Unfortunately, I can't match her knowledge in those areas. She also likes classic cinema and interior design, two areas I know better than her.

Waiting a week to ask her out again just seems a little long to me to keep her interest.

Maybe a cheesy happy Easter text and mentioning getting together at that bar would be my next step at this point.

( depending on her humour, I would have sent a message on good friday about hanging out, but that's read dependent)

I doubt she is too busy to read a follow-up text asking for another date, maybe too busy to reply immediately, but at least get her attention one time quickly.

I hate that I’m writing this, but: “It was a pleasure conversing with you last night.” Looool come on man, I KNOW you can do better than this. Didn’t you say you were a writer or something?

Yeah that'll dry up the well. LOL. You gotta talk to them like you want them, not like a work colleague.

Yeah, I was trying to focus on the conversation and intellectual connection rather than the physical interest she gets from every straight male. I do feel like connecting with her on that level is the key. Now I'm thinking of asking her to an art museum and bar after, as I know she hasn't been to either and that they are both places she's been wanting to go. I have an upper hand on the art museum because I just had a woman take me through who works as an art curator so she provided me with a lot of info that I can repeat. And it could also lead to me talking about the six original paintings that I bought directly from artists, including two I commissioned, getting her more interested in seeing my place. But the museum needs to be set up a week in advance.

I mean there are plenty of guys doing the same approach as you; you didnt need to explain yourself. “Pleasure conversing with you” when going your route is the equivalent of “Hey I thought you were hot” from the guys who you claim are only interested in her physically. Be more original and fun; remind her if some smart inside joke you both shared from the date.

She sounds fun!

Seriously, just because a girl is super hot doesn’t mean she’s right or good for you. She sounds like a total nightmare.

I don’t know about total nightmare — there was nothing she said or did that I found particularly off-putting or annoying. But you’re right in that there’s not a real connection there worth pursuing. I’m just flattered that someone with her beauty and brains had interest in me, and I guess it’s a level of competitiveness to see if you can take it further with someone who is so high in demand.

Of course, I had brunch and played tennis today with this woman who just met platonically from dating app and have become friends, and she showed me how she has 4k likes on Tinder. She is 39, just decent looking with a good job. Makes me realize how much in demand most women must be on these dating apps. There’s reason to be flattered when any woman chooses to meet you.

Anyway, I messaged the hot Russian PhD student inviting to museum and bar next week (have to book museum week in advance). She responded that she's got a final deadline for a paper and exams approaching with the end of the semester so keep in touch and she'll see when she has time. She could have ghosted me, but a woman who can have any single straight guy, and probably a good majority of non-single, liked me enough in person to maybe see me again at some point. I'll take it!

You should be the one guy man enough to be ignoring her.

I guess that's good?

Maybe get a date with someone you're not that interested in, someday.


Oookayyyy.



In my day that's the one you didn't work too hard to get.

Eh, I’m just happy that someone who every man and woman in a room notices, not even aware that she’s getting a PhD, found me intriguing enough to respond and have any interest in seeing me again given the deluge of suitors she gets.

Understand that, getting them jelly eyes do feel good.

But if you understand you're not a priority to her, don't go out of your way to pursue her.

I first thought you were trying to pursue her and that's why i was curious why you wait so long to talk with her.

But in any case, what happened with Asian fwb? You still keep that in your back pocket?

Putting that PhD chick on a pedestal seems like a leak.

Yeah, seeing her tonight. She’s leaving Wednesday for Hawaii with her sister, so I’m looking to set up a date or two for this weekend. I have six decent candidates who liked me last week but I marked as maybes and haven’t matched yet. Then there’s one I previously matched with who let the convo die. I didn’t try to re-engage because wasn’t sure how attracted I was to her, but after seeing yesterday how easy it is to let that happen as a woman when you have so many matches, I thought I’d give it one more attempt with her. Out of the others, there’s a 27-year-old Harvard alum who leads the pack.

Try walking around with her. The world puts her on a pedestal. I’m just being realistic. In person, I treat her like I would any woman I’m out with. But I recognize she has a million demands on her time each day. If she chooses to spend it with me, cool. If not, whatever.

Love the life tips I'm getting out of this thread!
Had an interview with a company that offered me about half the salary that all the other prospective employers are offering, and in the thanks-but-no-thanks email I sent to the smoking hot Eastern Euro hiring manager, I was able to drop a "It was a pleasure conversing with you"

The Soviet Bloc are all over that line.

Online dating is tricky especially when they clean up their tracks on their social media. Makes it hard to know their interests, hobbies, etc.

You could always meet in person and then ask them about their interests and hobbies.

FYP.

But yes, putting a girl on there because other people are so impressed by her beauty, when she doesn’t laugh at anything you say, is seemingly cold and distant, is so busy that you can’t ever set something up with her, and is about as fun as Holocaust footage is probably something worse than a leak, and you should address it.

I wish I had the amount of respect that Gaddy does for hot, smart women. I grew up listening to Too Short, Snoop & Dre, and 3-6 Mafia. Everytime I meet a chick that thinks she's the ****, I feel like I have to knock her down a peg with a playful, backhanded joke.

A lot of times, it has the intended effect and I end up closing the deal with a girl who I feel is "out of my league" looks wise. I try to follow these core rules on any date:

1- Don't place them on a pedestal.

2- Give ONE compliment only pertaining to their looks, Midway through the date or conversation, then excuse yourself "to the restroom". ....giving her a minute or two to absorb the compliment. Then when you come back out, pivot the convo immediately.

3- Set a firm objection/boundary on a particular stance, no matter how petty it is. Women will respect a man with boundaries and if she feels like she upset or offended you, she will try to "make it up to you" as to not feel bad.

For anyone on a new date, I would try #3. For example, I had a date a few years back which veered off into a political derail due to something that was on screen at the bar. I stopped her mid-sentence and said, "look....I'm sorry about this, and as much as I'll most likely agree with you on this issue... I NEVER talk politics or religious beliefs before I really get to know someone. I'm passionate about my stance on both and I'll be happy to go into these once we get to know each other better, I'm just not going there right now...(pivot convo elsewhere)".

She spent the next 20-30 minutes apologizing every 2-3 minutes and I saw her mood shift almost immediately to being stern/bitchy/having a wall up to borderline submissive in her efforts to make sure that she didn't offend me. Truth is.... I'll talk politics with anyone, that was just my "ah-ha" moment to use this trick handed to me from a wise man.

What that does is let them know that you have a deep stance on a particular topic and if she likes you at all, she will definitely be open to seeing you again. Women love to explore deeper meanings and uncover mystery in their potential partner.


As far as the girl, nothing ever became of it, I blew her off. I could tell it was going to be more trouble than it was worth. We did have a good make out session post date before saying goodbyes.