75% of female bumble profiles in my area mention at least two of the following: tacos, brunch, "dad jokes" (when did that become a thing?), "faith.family.friends. in that order", The Office, "doggo" mom, hiking, Netflix, have my sh*t together, etc. There is also an insane amount of nurses out there.

Hahaha yea, that sounds about right. I think it's largely the same for men though, just some different things. I wanna know what they are.

I've been told that a variation on "tech but not a bro" is one of them.

What does this mean?

The terms "tech bro" and "finance bro" (and others) are typically used pejoratively. A guy saying something like "I'm in tech/finance but I'm not a bro" is trying to get in front of those pejorative stereotypes.

(IMO: rather than sound like a whiny "I'm not like other __", take pride in what you do and own that sh*t. If you truly are different, it'll show in your actions, not words.)

Does anyone have experience with the hook-up/sex only sites? Friend finder, X match, etc. Any info and/or recommendations most appreciated.

I'm surprised how many have mostly negative comments like "Please don't suck" and things like that.

Mine all say "please suck".

Swing and a miss! I texted her to go out again this week on Sunday but never heard back. I think I'm moving into temp housing in one of the neighborhoods she showed me around in a few weeks, so ill probably send a note to see if there are any other places she recommends there, but considering it platonic at this point.

Considering jumping back on Bumble/Hinge. I was shy about doing this since I'm leaving the country for 6 months in October (this is now official), but I really don't wanna wait that long to start meeting more girls. I want to be open about this caveat though, should I put it in my profile, mention it once I start talking to the girl, or mention it on the first date? I think I like the middle option the best.

This doesn't make you look bad in any way. Youre clearly 100% in on the joke. GL either way!

Odds seem long that it's a scam, but damn that seems sooooo egotistical. "Hey I've never met you, but why don't you spend your Friday night coming to see me perform at an open mic?". I would go in with the assumption that this isn't what she wants, and if it is, she sounds pretty meh TBH.

I'd lean towards mentioning it in the profile, feel like that's awkward to bring up in every convo. Would attract certain types too.

Regarding the "friend", do you think it was platonic all along on her end, or was she potentially interested and the date just didn't pan out?

A guy I work with had a lot of success on seeking arrangements (I think that's the name), or at least he said he did. He's also a habitual liar and makes way more money than he needs... it wouldn't surprise me at all if he was just spending lots of money and getting nothing in return.

Thanks, yeah, I'll put it in the profile, you're right.

Maybe it was somewhere in that continuum? ("I used to just be friends with this guy, but maybe if he's changed I might be interested"). I can totally get why she wouldn't like me. She's big into the hipster lifestyle and I'm a middle manager at a fortune 500 company; she parties harder than I do and might think I'm boring in that regard. That, all on top of the normal reasons things don't work out (she's not physically attracted to me; all the other things we all have blind spots to about ourselves).

Bros, I texted this girl an hour ago (against my better judgment) to confirm about tonight. We last talked like 24 hours ago. Looks like I might get flaked on after talking all that ****, if I turn this around I’ll post an update from the bar.

Now she wants to reschedule for the weekend. I thought I really had all the hand in this relationship, now I don’t know man...

I never trust any sites like that. Too many fake profiles and catfishes. You always have to pay to message people. Even if they are legit, what are the chances an average looking guy can get sex off such sites? Essentially zero.

I am definitely doing something wrong.

I had a first meeting/date last night off Hinge. We got coffee and went for a walk in the park. We chatted about travel and her recent trip. We talked about the gym (She does crossfit competitions) and what we are watching on Netflix, etc. Chatted for 1 hr and 45 min. I walk her to her car and we have a good night kiss.

I message her today saying I had fun and want to setup weekend plans (dinner plans, but I can be free for brunch). She says that I seem sweet and thanks for the coffee but that we aren't a match. I ask her to be honest about her reason and for feedback and she says it's just a gut feeling and then has a few compliments to soften the blow.

I just don't understand what I'm doing wrong here.

What blow? It was literally one less than 2 hour date. You wanted to explore more, she didn't.

Why do you think you're doing something wrong?

I've had this happen pretty much exactly multiple times w/ first or second dates with girls I met online; I don't have any answers, just wanted to share so that you know you're not alone.

I think meeting girls via online dating may just be a tough context for me personally- I'm socially anxious, probably don't leave much of a good first impression, the things I consider fun I would have a difficult time doing or engaging in the way I would like w/ someone I just met, etc. The "trying" mentality is something I think I've finally overcome, where previously I was working too hard on self-presentation. Now I'm focused on being myself and evaluating what the girl has to offer me rather than presenting myself as someone who has things to offer. All of my success with girls has come from getting to know them over the longterm in an originally non-romantic context or the girl was someone I assumed I had no shot with so I was comfortable around them / not even trying and they ended up being attracted to me. I'm probably someone who would be better off becoming a little more social and doing things that would lead to something organic developing rather then hoping for the best in online dating.

AFF worked for me as an average looking man in my early 30s looking for DTF average looking women, but that was almost 15 years ago.

Interesting. What do you think has changed since then? Why is it so much tougher these days?

I don't know if it has changed that much, I haven't tried using that site for a long time.

If you mean compared to newer apps younger people use for hookups like tinder, I suspect it's the presence of pictures. When I first started online dating in 1995, almost no one had digital pictures of themselves; you went on a truly blind date. Even in 2004 on AFF, no one had pictures on their profiles, or at least none of their faces, because they didn't want to out themselves as looking for a hookup.

And when I say I was successful, that was maybe with 5 or so women over about a year, and I did have to put in a lot of time and work. You had to message someone quite awhile and get her interest before she agreed to meet. But now I imagine only very good looking guys get much interest and others are filtered out by pictures. Might not be the case on AFF if there still aren't many people who out themselves with face pictures there.

Seeking Arrangement tends to be for...how to put this tactfully...more transactional kinds of relationships.

Interesting. Me and my girl friends were talking about some crappy dates we've had recently, and one of them piped up, "Yes, its because he thinks its a ****ing job interview". I realized that does underpin some of the crappier dates I've been on. You end up in a dynamic where you ask the guy a question (to make conversation) and he responds (sometimes delightfully), but then sort of waits for you to ask another question. There does tend to be a natural dynamic of the girl evaluating and the guy trying to make a good impression, but its not a great dynamic for a date. It should really be two people trying to get to know one another, which means asking her questions as well (and listening to the answers ldo).

Had a great conversation last night on an uber trip, we both commiserated about divorce and relationships,for over 45 mins, nonstop talk and laughter.

Thought about asking her out, but she probably was 20 years younger than me, but who knows, you only miss 100% of the shots you don't take.