Online dating thread - Page 1829 - Other Topics Forum - Discuss Pop Culture, Arts and Entertainment

My goals with Tinder isn't to have sex with as many people as possible, so I think the correct play is to politely say I didn't feel much of a connection and wish her the best and move on.

You're overthinking it. Women enjoy going out, having a good time in the company of someone who makes them laugh, and they also enjoy getting laid - even if they know deep down it doesn't have any long-term potential.

As long as you're respectful, no women is going to bear a grudge or feel bad if it doesn't quite work out.

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07-14-2018 , 05:49 AM

#45702

Baltimore Jones

Pooh-Bah

Join Date: Apr 2007 Posts: 5,824

Quote:

Originally Posted by Elrazor

Disagree a bit, I think there's a decent number of women who are really tired of dating around and only want people more serious-minded. They often make this clear in their profiles and I usually swipe left on them (over the last year) except in an exceptionally rare case where they seem potentially BJ-relationship-worthy.

Quote:

Originally Posted by El Diablo

Bj,

Just spit it out

It's what you think.

Today unfortunately I made a bit of a sexist gaffe (not directly about her and not a sexual thing) and was so shook that I couldn't deal with the rest of the conversation properly. She did not register a reaction that I can be sure of. Unsure whether to say something.

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07-14-2018 , 06:13 AM

#45703

Malucci

Carpal \'Tunnel

Join Date: Dec 2006 Posts: 12,645

Quote:

Originally Posted by Elrazor

As long as you're respectful, no women is going to bear a grudge or feel bad if it doesn't quite work out.

This is so very far from true. The light from true has never and will never touch this statement.

Having said that, the play is always to be respectful and do something that you would and will be proud of later as a man.

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07-14-2018 , 07:44 AM

#45704

Elrazor

losing momentum

Join Date: Mar 2007 Posts: 13,798

Quote:

Originally Posted by Baltimore Jones

Well, that's true but then of a girl states explicitly that they only want a serious relationship and you pretend that you do just to get laid, then that's not the same situation I was describing.

However, I guarantee those same girls would change their tune if they matched Ryan Gosling.

IME, women who complain about players are the same one who are somewhat deluded about their dating potential, use excessive filters and make up and often have swimwear shots. If they can't figure out what's going wrong, I haven't really got that much sympathy for them.

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07-14-2018 , 08:10 AM

#45705

SandraXII

veteran

Join Date: Jun 2011 Posts: 2,089

Quote:

Originally Posted by Malucci

It's true if you weren't being misleading. If you go on six or seven dates with someone, bang her a few times, aren't dishonest about your intentions, but then say it's not working out, then most people won't hold a grudge.

On the other hand if you say you're really into someone to the point of making them think it's a long term thing then end it after a couple more dates, or you say you're not dating other people but you really are and they find out, there may understandably be some ill feeling.

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07-14-2018 , 11:05 AM

#45706

Eeyorefora

veteran

Join Date: Oct 2011 Posts: 3,137

Quote:

Originally Posted by SandraXII

But misleading is relative in some peoples mind.

You can be upfront and honest about your intentions, but if that person doesn't see it that way, then you're going to be the dick, no matter what.

And tbh, smokin a fatty isn't the worst thing in the world.

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07-14-2018 , 11:28 AM

#45707

chillrob

Carpal \'Tunnel

Join Date: May 2007 Posts: 20,869

If either of you are looking for a serious relationship, isn't Tinder the wrong place to be? I mean I know some people find serious relationships there, but it has a reputation as a hookup app for a reason.

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07-14-2018 , 12:51 PM

#45708

Malucci

Carpal \'Tunnel

Join Date: Dec 2006 Posts: 12,645

You can be honest with someone. You can do everything you say you were going to do with and to someone. Once they get the feels, all that goes out the window. Logic and reason go out the window. Butthurt and worse can often ensue. Even if you were upfront and honest, and did nothing “wrong”, that doesn’t mean the other person will see it or remember it that way...because they have strong feelings which can be stronger than facts, truth, logic or reason.

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07-14-2018 , 01:14 PM

#45709

Eeyorefora

veteran

Join Date: Oct 2011 Posts: 3,137

Quote:

Originally Posted by chillrob

Its hilarious that its marketed as a hook up app, yet people still use it to look for a serious relationship.
And are shocked when it doesn't happen.

Next thing you know we're going to hear people say how great Ashley Madison is to find a monogamous partner....

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07-14-2018 , 08:04 PM

#45710

coolnout

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Join Date: May 2009 Posts: 12,430

Quote:

Originally Posted by Eeyorefora

Next thing you know we're going to hear people say how great Ashley Madison is to find a monogamous partner....

I think robot women are monogamous

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07-14-2018 , 08:33 PM

#45711

Burdzthewurd

Carpal \'Tunnel

Join Date: Jan 2005 Posts: 12,175

Anyone know the Tinder/Bumble/OKC scene in Glasgow? Going towards the end of the summer and never tried apps over in Europe - curious to know other's experiences. Hookups aren't necessarily my priority while there, but not opposed to meeting new people through the app.

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07-14-2018 , 10:17 PM

#45712

Hoagie

name is based on sandwich

Join Date: Jul 2004 Posts: 6,468

Quote:

Originally Posted by Eeyorefora

I think it’s a hookup app under ~26. I got on it at 32 expecting it was a hookup app but I was sadly mistaken.

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07-14-2018 , 10:45 PM

#45713

BrianTheMick2

Long way to go and a short time to get there.

Join Date: May 2012 Posts: 19,410

Quote:

Originally Posted by Malucci

This is true, but overstated. People generally manage to move on and it is generally worth the risk unless you are prepared to live with a set of cats.

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07-17-2018 , 12:34 AM

#45714

Baltimore Jones

Pooh-Bah

Join Date: Apr 2007 Posts: 5,824

Quote:

Originally Posted by El Diablo

BJ,

If I were going to worry about anything here, it would be her suggesting FB instead of just giving her number. But no reason to worry about anything. Just ask her out for a drink and either she’s into it or she isn’t.

Yea almost certainly my in-person read was correct, and my "read" based on FB friend accept timing was wrong. She's highly responsive and we're trying to plan a drink that she's not giving up on despite scheduling difficulties at the moment.

In-person read vs. FB timing read actually makes me re-consider evidence from the other "situation" I mentioned. I'd surrendered on that one a year ago bc of FB timing "evidence"...lol. Was rekindled in the last week or so when her in-person enthusiasm was too much to keep ignoring.

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07-17-2018 , 11:02 AM

#45715

PhatPots

Pooh-Bah

Join Date: Sep 2004 Posts: 3,933

I think this was discussed a while ago. Rather than make a new thread

Scenario: You are a successful professional male in your 30s. What city in the US is best for dating?

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07-17-2018 , 12:04 PM

#45716

PocketInfinities

veteran

Join Date: Aug 2008 Posts: 2,915

My $0.02: it depends on your goals. But given what I can read from you asking the question, probably NYC. (Favorable gender ratio, plenty of “successful” girls in their 20s and 30s).

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07-17-2018 , 12:36 PM

#45717

JoeC2012

veteran

Join Date: May 2012 Posts: 2,717

I would be astonished if this answer is anything other than NYC.

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07-17-2018 , 01:17 PM

#45718

chillrob

Carpal \'Tunnel

Join Date: May 2007 Posts: 20,869

Any particular reason explaining why there are more young single women than young single men in NYC?

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07-17-2018 , 01:34 PM

#45719

JoeC2012

veteran

Join Date: May 2012 Posts: 2,717

Quote:

Originally Posted by chillrob

Any particular reason explaining why there are more young single women than young single men in NYC?

I'm sure one big reason is the presence of industries women have been traditionally attracted to (media, fashion, PR, etc.).

Also, maybe this is just me, but I feel like women in our society place a higher premium on what's "in" or "trendy" than men do. NYC is maybe the best place in the world to find such things. You get to Instagram a cronut 2 years before your friends back home in St. Louis do!

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07-17-2018 , 01:35 PM

#45720

SandraXII

veteran

Join Date: Jun 2011 Posts: 2,089

wow july might be even deader than june for volume

Although it's unseasonably warm in London at the moment!

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07-20-2018 , 02:02 AM

#45721

Elrazor

losing momentum

Join Date: Mar 2007 Posts: 13,798

NYC has the highest % of single young women itw, the theory being that they flock to the area with the highest percentage of rich men.

I'm pretty sure I read this in "Sapiens", which was written by a well-respected academic.

The only caveat here is you may need to recalibrate your definition of "successful professional" if you're dating in NY.

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07-23-2018 , 06:32 AM

#45722

karamazonk

Pooh-Bah

Join Date: Apr 2009 Posts: 4,626

I like to think that I find a pretty large % of women attractive, but after browsing OKC for the first time in forever, yikes, seeing endless pages of 2/10s. I know their algorithm takes one's own attractiveness into account, so I think I can conclude I'm not (or at least my photos are not) good looking.

What's the current thread consensus on bumble? I've never used it and will probably check it out.

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07-23-2018 , 06:52 AM

#45723

Burdzthewurd

Carpal \'Tunnel

Join Date: Jan 2005 Posts: 12,175

Call me an old, but OKC on computer>>>>phone. I get far worse swiping options on my phone for some reason. Anyway, I usually just filter by my highest match-% and message those women. It's rare I see anyone above 90% that's unattractive and dull to me

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07-23-2018 , 03:09 PM

#45724

SpinMeRightRound

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Join Date: Jan 2016 Posts: 2,723

Quote:

Originally Posted by karamazonk

Wait, what algorithm? I haven't used OkCupid in a while (deleted my profile). Does it rate your face on a scale of 1 to 10 and then match you with similar women?

Also remember that women always have the benefit of makeup. Men don't have that, so they have to purely rely on their facial genetics more or less.