I wouldn't judge Malucci for not giving her another chance, but there's no downside to having her meet you somewhere that's close to where you live and see if there's anything there.

She's obv been judged to be below the line on the hot/crazy graph

No one said she was a terrible person for not wanting to be unsafe. The problem was that she agreed to something then flaked out at the last second with no notice.

Being drunk is no good excuse for bad behavior. She also chose to impair her own judgment by getting inebriated. It's not a "valid reason" and I personally cannot feel empathy for something I have never and would never do.

Anyway, she also didn't say she wanted a second chance. She likely still doesn't even want to meet him. People don't usually want to do the same things while sober that they thought were good ideas when drunk.

Yeah well said. "My sister warned me about meeting people online". C'mon mate this is 2018 not 2004. Meeting someone online is a standard adult situation that people should be expected to reasonably handle.

Again, no one is saying she's done anything wrong whatsoever, but I've seen enough to adjust my Bayesian prior on her level of stability below the acceptable threshold for someone I'm dating seriously. Plenty of other girls out there and it's fine for Malucci to move on.

Two people called her a ***** and one said she should be **** punted. Malucci also said her actions were a red flag because "if she could do this then who knows what she capable of". So people have said she did something wrong and is a terrible person.

I think its fine for Malucci to not see her again. Its acting like she is unstable or a ****ty person for doing what she did that is the issue. The consequences of a bad date are significantly worse for women than men. Yes, it was her fault for drinking too much, but was only an issue because she is a woman. The fact that her concerns are much more substantial than a man's should be taken into account when assessing her actions.

Oh. Sorry. I missed that. That's 4chanesque. Don't do that.

A little more emotionally charged than the way I worded it, but I think I'm on the same page as him. I'd call it more of a "potential red flag" than a "red flag". If she were the only girl in Vegas on tinder I'd tell Malucci to give her another shot, but Malucci is in luck because she's not!

I did not call names, but I agree that she is a ****ty person. People who do ****ty things only when drinking are still ****ty people. The drinking was not only an issue because she is a woman. Plenty of men do ****ty things when drunk, and that makes them accountable as well. I'm sure plenty of men have bailed on meeting someone because of circumstances related to drunkenness, and I think people here would have come down on one of them as well (I know I would have).

No one has to get drunk. I have never gotten drunk, I hate to be around drunken people, and I show no tolerance for it in general. I certainly don't accept drunkenness as a valid part of any excuse for negative behaviors.

Lol. I have no empathy for someone who tells me to come meet them, and I tell them I’m getting in the Uber, heading far away, to a place of their choosing, and then 20 minutes later they bail right before I get there. Those are the actions of a child...and I’m not interested in children. If you’re interested in validating awful behavior that wastes your time and money, you can do that by giving people second and third chances. I have found that those things will happen second and third times, and I refuse to accept them. I value myself more than that, and I won’t accept it. I’m way more interested in finding someone who doesn’t immediately require a second chance than wasting my time on someone who does.

First impressions are important. I'd agree with Malucci, unless she was the girl of my dreams--my time is worth too much to deal with this. There is no doubt someone like this will do something similar again and odds are this one isn't the one anyways. While some people deserve a second chance, I can't imagine someone pulling those shenanigans on me and giving them a second chance before I met them. There are too many fish in the sea. It's nice that she realizes she made a mistake and tried to correct it but at the same point, I don't care that much. Girls don't give guys second chances typically on the first date, I can't imagine a guy pulling the same thing on the girl wouldn't lead to ghosting 99.9% of the time.

There's nothing wrong with giving a person a second chance, but when we're talking complete strangers on what would be a first time meeting, why even bother again with someone you already know has that kind of behavior in their range? Its not like this is the only girl available for a date.

Empathy doesn't even come into play here. Its not like she said she had to take her sister to the ER or something. The girl chose to make plans with Malucci and chose to get drunk, in some order. Why not invest your time in someone else?

I just signed up for The League. It's a pretentious dating app that screens it's users. So far, it's been a bit meh. They give you 5 potential matches a day. They have a few paid options to get more matches, skip to the front of the line to be approved right away, etc. The options are very expensive. They want like $100 a month.

So far, I have gotten 4 matches and have not had a response to any of my messages yet. Not liking it so far. Probably will reset Bumble and Tinder.

There was a guy in this thread before who did a bigger-money matchmaking service and (iirc) had decent results. Maybe give the one he used a try if he reports back having success with it.

Funny story. A few years ago I signed up for The League and got on their waiting list. I've been with my now wife for a little over 3 years but about a year ago a friend of mine told me at a party that I had a profile even though I had never created one. I guess it automatically creates it from my FB/Linkedin or whatever. So I deleted it right after she told me so there pretty sneaky about that. I had another friend with the same issue, I didn't realize the email stating I've been drafted meant a profile is created and I'd be on the site despite me not having the app nor creating one myself.

The same friend she is on it and it's the only one she uses but she's extremely busy. She likes it. I don't have any other strong opinions on it but I can ask her if you're interested. $100 a month to jump the line and get privileges seems stupid to me especially since you don't know how good the market is for both males and females in your market, it could suck.

This seems to me to be a significant overreaction. The woman chickened out, but was then sufficiently self-aware and considerate to write Malucci and explain herself. That’s hugely redemptive in my book. We’ve all done stupid and ridiculous things for all kinds of reasons, and to call this woman a ****ty person this set of facts is borderline lunatic.

Also LOL at the anti-drunkenness lecture.

I think either decision here — giving her a second chance or not doing so — is perfectly reasonable. Vilifying her and generalizing overall conclusions from a single event is not at all reasonable.

She didn't ask for a chance to make it right.

Pretty much ends right there.

And if he had done the same, wouldn't most people just agree he needs a KITN and not to give another chance?

Went out on a first meet the other night, girl showed up, looked like she did in the pics, that was all good. Didn’t go particularly great though, had bad body language, didn’t seem super interested. So afterwards I met a buddy at a bar and told him about the date and showed him some pics of her. He was like “didn’t you show me these before? Is she a *profession?” Turns out his buddy had taken her out to dinner like 2 nights before, lol.

Lol small world

Isn't online dating generally a waste of time for guys? I remember seeing some statistics somewhere (I think it was the OKCupid blog or something) which said that only around 10% of guys actually have any success with online dating. For the other 90%, they are far better off meeting girls in real life through friends/work colleagues.

Sorry to hear the people who have been bailed on by girls. If a girl really wants to see you, she will make time for you. Think of it this way - if a girl got a date with Zac Efron/Brad Pitt/other hot looking celebrity, do you think they would say "oh sorry my plans have changed at the last moment, can we re-arrange"? Of course not! This should be a strong signal she doesn't like you, therefore move onto another girl and do not waste your time any further.

I would think it would be nearly the opposite. Most women can easily get hit on while going out, but that happens to very few men. I've been dating online for over 20 years and have only really dated 4 people not found through an online dating site. 3 of those 4 were met at meetup groups, which is online as well. One I met at the poker table.

I really struggled to meet girls before I started online dating around 2013 or so. On the introvert/extrovert scale with 1 being a hermit and 10 being Bill Clinton, I suspect if you're anywhere under 7.5 you'll do better online.

Most of the 90% not having success with online dating are likely not trying very hard, whether it's crappy messages, bad pics, dull profile, unrealistic expectations, or weird in-person behavior.

If you're the type to give up easily without trying to get better at it, correct your mistakes and accept that you'll inevitably run into some crazies, online dating (and most things in life) isn't for you.

where are you getting these stats? out of your ass? i think success depends on a lot of factors including where you live but no way it's 90% aren't having success. it's really not that hard if you work hard at it.

pictures
looks
job/success
chemistry
awkwardness or lack there of
season
opposite sexes options
your work ethic when it comes to dating

a bunch of other factors as well. you need patience and you need to play the numbers game. i married my wife from OKC, and I know a few others who have met their spouse or significant others on the site. it's not that hard here in Philly and i know a bunch of others who have had success in NYC.

I know guys who did all the right things - good profile picture, well written profile with a good amount of interests and hobbies, they take time to read the girl's profile and send a well thought out (but not too long) message, and they got almost no replies. And the very few replies they did get, the girl only wanted a friendly chat and never wanted to take it further.

It seems only the best looking/tallest/richest guys stand a reasonable chance. The rest of the guys (i.e. 90%) have to fight over what's left.

Obviously other people might have different experiences with it, but to me this is what online dating appears to be like.

No they're not made up, I remember those statistics (or very similar ones) from the OKCupid blog. There were a number of interesting entries on that blog, with statistics on various different areas of dating. For example, there were statistics on how race, height, income, your photo, your profile description, message length, message content etc. all affected your chances of getting a response from a girl, and likewise the types of girls who guys tended to message most frequently. Very interesting stuff.

It also depends on your definition of success.