amazin,

you haven't had sex yet but you've identified the one issue as being a problem in the sexual chemistry department?

I don't think that's great but it's OK. The idea behind the joke is good but it needs polishing! I don't have experience living a town the size as yours but ... the girls that are on OKCupid are on OKCupid because they want to meet guys. If there aren't many girls in the town there probably aren't many guys, unless you live in a military town or similar. Sure, it may be tough but the reason you're not getting replies/dates is almost certainly because your profile/photos/messages aren't as good as you think. They want to meet guys, they just don't want to meet you, based off your profile, photo and messages. Almost certainly your lack of success is due to more than bad luck.

MD,

Your feelings matter and your personal self-esteem and body image matter. Don't let the dude bros here tell you to just bottle that **** up. That's terrible, toxic advice.

Did she know this was a sensitive spot for you? Was it a malicious comment, designed to hurt or provoke you? If so, then you should walk away immediately. More likely, it was from her perspective an innocent and playful comment. Reach out to her, explain that its a sore spot for you, apologize if you did or said anything cruel in retaliation, and ask her to avoid it going forward. Any decent person will happily oblige that request.

OK?! Lol, let's see some of your messages, Rodney Dangerfield. That was a unique dating message I conjured on the fly that you could polish into a standup bit. Should have never wasted it on her. The average guy is about as witty in writing as a can of tomato ****ing soup. It's clear that photos are the most important. I never said my photos were stellar, I know they aren't in fact. Regardless, there's just too much competition. I'm applying for a single job with 300 applicants when I message an attractive girl in my area. Even if I'm better looking than 200 of those guys, that's not getting me a callback. And there's plenty of girls in the area, I live near a small major city. Most of them aren't wasting their time online dating because they can walk into a bar and have 10 guys approach them in an hour.

Your "applying for a single job" analogy is not a great one - you even said so yourself: if there are numerous girls in your city, then there are a lot more "jobs" available than one.

These days almost everyone does online dating (even the olds) - and it's not mutually exclusive to meeting people IRL.

The "job" in the analogy is the fair lass's heart, good fellow. She has but one. There is more than one different "job" to apply for, true, but they don't make up for the surplus of applicants. 200 some girls in a 25 mile radius for a 10 year age range isn't "almost everyone". I live next door to a city of 300,000 people where a good deal of that 25 mile radius stretches into.

It's hard to decipher exactly what you're trying to argue, but if you're only seeing 200 girls given those parameters and proximity to a major city of 300k, you might want to try other online platforms in addition to OkCupid.

I guess I could join Tinder again and be one of 5000 men vying for the attention of 100 attractive women. The other dating sites are pretty dead. I feel like I'm browsing a russian torrent site when I'm on POF. Hire a web designer, ffs. Match is like over $30 a month and filled with mostly single moms and aspiring stepford wives looking for a white, christian male who makes 50k+.

The only app I ever use is Tinder, and it's always just a side tool rather than a primary way to find a date. If I'm traveling I'll be swiping early on to set something up because it's genuinely great to meet a local (plus chance of sexy time), but I rarely use it at as a starting point where I actually live.

I find it's better to just swipe when you're already out while there's some downtime so you don't have to go through with the whole pickup line thing and just say hey I'm at XX -- if they're interested they'll be the ones asking questions or be willing to meet up somewhere.

I live in NYC though so experiences are probably different, and usually travel to larger cities that could be classified as touristy, so it's really interesting to hear about Tinder experiences being so different once you step outside of metro areas. I've recently used it in places like Curacao and Hawaii, but those are still vacation spots and I assume more similar to big cities than smaller towns.

The last time I used it was in Montreal 2-3 weeks ago and got a zillion matches, and everyone there was incredibly friendly. Maybe anyone in a rut should head there to get their confidence up!

Lol, slow down there Dane Cook.

Surely poppunk's talents are wasted online, just head into a bar and wow the ladies with your off the cuff standup bits.

If there is a better city than Montreal for online dating I'd love to see it.

"Excuse me ma'am but I couldn't help but notice you're drinking a Manhattan. I too like Manhattans."

"Cool."

"People say Manhattans are girly drinks but then why are they called MANhattans?"

"I'm actually just waiting for someone."

"I conjured that one up on the spot."

Pop,

Where do you live and how old are you?

I 100% agree with you. I just wish the primary socially acceptable place to hit on women was different though, like an ice cream shop. Booze makes me sleepy and paying for rides gets expensive.

Did you mean $500k?

No, I meant they literally specify 50k+ on their profile. Match lets you put desired income of your mate. It's weird. I'm a romantic, I look down on everyone who fills that out.

Cincinnati, Late 20's.

Pop,

Hmmm, I'd think online dating would be pretty good for a late 20's guy in/near a major metro.

Are you sure you're using the right app for the type of women you're looking for?

In the SF area, for example, the app most used by attractive 20-somethings is Bumble, and POF was never really a thing here. Here it went like Match->OKC->Tinder/Hinge/Coffee Meets Bagel/others->Bumble as far as what the attractive 20-something women use.

Never used bumble, but it seemed like a thing no one heard of 6 months ago when I heard about it, so I didn't bother. I'm sure it's gained some popularity, but I don't think it matches tinder user-wise. I'll check it out though. Cincinnati is probably not a good place to be a single man in general.

If these stats are correct, then a fairly substantial # of single 20s women must be in relationships with men 15+ years older. I didn't figure it was this big a factor.

Once you hit 50s it's a surplus of single women everywhere thanks to this phenomenon (as well as guys dying out a bit younger on average).





Link: Singles Data

Pop,

Your call but I'm not crazy about your opening with the Spanish.

You made it about you, and it was too long. Needs to be short, about her, and witty all at once if possible.

My take: I see you're studying Spanish. That's great! Normally I'd just send 'Hey', but for you, que pasa?

pop, reactivate your OKCupid profile or set up a new one. Either post it here or PM the link to a couple of users. I'm happy to look at it and offer constructive feedback and other people will volunteer. If you're late 20s and live in a decent sized liberal city you shouldn't find online dating as hard as your make out. Which is to say, unless you're getting very very unlucky, something about your story does not add up. I suspect it's some combination of: you're not slightly above average looking; you are above average looking but the photos you post aren't good; your profile needs improvement; you are only messaging the hottest girls; the messages you send need improvement; you have unrealistic expectations: e.g you're only messaging 10 girls a month and expect that to turn into 5 dates.

Girls in Cincinnati who go on OKCupid/Tinder want to meet guys. Noone bats 100% but if you're not getting regular dates it's probably on you, not Cincinnati.

If she doesn't have the attention span to read 3 lines of rock solid gold, she's dumb and I don't wanna stick my dick in her and risk getting her dumb babies. Your message is sufficient, but it's bland and not winning anyone over. Here's my online dating impression of you, "So you're a good cook? Awesome! I can make spaghetti. Haha."

Ooooo K.

Frankly I believe we have some of your problem identified.

Kid's got moxie at least.