I could see that, but in a forum where there are so many creepy men I think it's better not to risk being seen as a guy who's weird enough to fire off a pic like that.

First message is flawless. Even I would respond and I never respond unless it is to people I know or think I have met before. Maybe everyone should copypasta.

Your second message is good, but wish you didn't say you sent a photo. Too many exclamation points and parentheticals always feel forced even though yours is cute. You're looking way too excited, and then your excitement never lets up in its intensity. It's a bit much.

Now too much information in the next part. Feels like you're cramming in a conversation all in one go. Pick one. Do you want to talk about Montreal, New Zealand, Yoga, Rudy, Notebook or Twilight?

Message would be sexier like so:

Hey XXX,

What the heck, how can you tease that you've got some interesting stories and then not share one?!

I've gotten a few messages from "cougars"...I guess my preppy, white boy look fits their eye. There was one who I told twice I wasn't interested and then she messages "ok, but could you at least send a picture of you vacuuming in your underwear?"

Montreal is a blast, I feel like there's so much to do, yet not enough Summer left to accomplish it all. Have you been on any international trips yet?

-XXX

The !!!s and parenthesis are an old habit b/c my messages are often playful and sarcastic, but could be construed as rude by the less e-literate girls.

So, more focused, snappier, and less enthusiastic. Got it.

One strategy I use is to give a girl "hooks" so she's compelled to message back. There are probably 3-4 things she can't wait to respond to, but maybe it's too much? I've had messages in the past where I feel like I lost the girl b/c I'd ask 2 things like "so how do you like Montreal?" and "what's the best place you've traveled?" and those can sometimes be boring convos to people not super interested in travel.

With your version of my message, I think my story is probably funny enough to elicit a response and she'll probably be a good sport and share hers, but if for some reason she's too shy to share her story to a "stranger" then I might be screwed and maybe she won't have a reason to respond.

The final reason for a bit longer message is b/c my usual pattern is:

Canned opener -> She responds -> Longer message (but not novella) -> She responds -> I ask her out for drinks

So really I'm only actually crafting a single real message, and I like it to have a bit of content b/c then it feels a lot more natural for her to think (well we've talked about 4-5 things already so this should be an interesting date).

IDK, I'm interested to hear more takes on this. I know the consensus is keep messages like 2-4 sentences in length, but I like to gauge the girl's response and then tailor the message length and I felt like this one was already pretty interested so I could get away with a lengthier message, ask her out next message and have her super excited about the date.

I think the 2-4 sentence consensus is for the 1st message. Usually by the time I ask them out at the end of the 3rd message the messages are several paragraphs long. I find it's just the natural flow when you are asking several questions and they do the same in return.

I prefer to have a couple long messages back and forth because not only does it make them a bit invested, but you also feel like you know them a bit better.

My date this past Friday was the first time I did dinner for a first date and it went amazingly well, probably best first date I've had. I usually wait until the 3rd date for dinner, but since I thought we had great back and forth messages with some substance, I felt comfortable doing dinner on the first date. However, I'm looking for a relationship, so I think I would play it differently if I was only after sex.

was it with the Taiwanese girl?

The problem with long messages (one of many problems actually), especially when those messages start turning into several different threads, is they take a lot of work to respond to. If a girl is checking messages on her phone or only has a few minutes to respond she's going to wait to write back. And by the time she actually has time she may have forgot about you because you're buried under 100 unread messages from guys saying "sup girl" or she may feel the delay will make responding awkward. You really need to move the conversation to text/in person meetup as soon as possible.

That is so true. Also, to add to that point about having little time to respond. If you ask too many questions it sets the precedence for a long reply, and she may not be up to it at that moment. She'll wait, and in doing so may lose motivation to do so when she does have time.

This one?

I think that was word for a word a makin maneys opener from this thread he recommended.

Colored text renders horribly, blue text on a dark background makes my eyes bleed. Use quoting or italics/bolding if you want to differentiate between regular text and messages plz

Nope, ended up canceling on her the day before we were to meet. Wasn't very excited about her plus it would've been my 3rd date in 3 days.

It was with the really pretty blonde girl.

This makes sense although I haven't really run into any problems yet. I think if the girl is really into you, she will respond no matter what. Although the last few have been from Match, which I think makes it easier to find messages so they don't get buried. Also, usually I get to the 3rd message within 3 days, so it is fairly quick process to the # and off the site.

What's your opinion about waiting for a long time to reply, if you were either having a conversation or were opened by someone? Do they go "cold" if you wait too long?

I got lost in the world of music the last week and haven't been messaging much. There's one I know is interested and a few others with potential but haven't responded to them.
Also, I have been idling online, likely been noticed, good or bad if they see you online but you're sort of ignoring them?
If that made any sense.

Doesn't matter what they feel.... it's about you and want you want. If you're not in the mood to reply to them or are too busy, then just reply when you get around to it. If they respond they respond... if they had really caught your attention I'm sure you would reply right away. No way you would let a message from a 10 sit there for a week after you saw it.

Stop idling. You need those back-ups for self confidence if anything. When you focus too hard on one woman, you get really nervous and begin to overthink and lose your way.

You also have no idea how many people said girlies are talking to. Don't lose momentum

From your experiences, I'm new to this, when girls "read" your messages, do they tend to respond the same day or do they do something dumb like wait three days to not seem too interested?!?

ime they usually respond same day if they're online when you message but 1-2 days isn't uncommon either.

Depends on how inspiring the message is

Yeah been busy / not talkative. Just curious because I always tend to lose interest in someone early then get it back later (usually when it's too late, and wonder how it is online).

It's kinda hard to get genuinely interested I'd say. They seem attractive physically, by all means. These profiles say so much of the same "I'm a very outgoing girl I'm into fashion, I like to go out and party sometimes but also like relaxing at home with a good book or a movie. I enjoy traveling blah blah looking for a ambitious, confident guy with a good sense of humor zzzz". Then 3 pics they took of themselves with their phone, 50 tries each and one of some random vacation 5 years ago. I mean, I'm sure they're a cool person IRL but I find it really hard to get into.

I'm not great at connecting with people via text/online so it's probably something about that too. I absolutely adore talking to women, they're my favorite gender, just online it isn't as fun and gets a bit weird

On a totally unrelated note, apparently Rachel Mcadams watched me play tennis tonight (she was waiting for her court and I was in a tight match) at my club and I had no idea. I know what I'll be dreaming about tonight..........

i have been 5 starred a fair amount but only ever had 4 opening messages sent to me. been on the site for like a month now? 3 weeks or something. normal?

also lately on there ive spent like 2 hours just going through hiding people. only been sending out a handful of messages (not even) because nobody is even attractive to me lately, which is probably why I haven't had much going for me recently. Do have a date with what appears to be an attractive blonde who if nothing else definitely will have a fun personality if she is at all like her messages.

I have my first date with an older woman. Nothing drastic, I'm 29 and she's 32. Anything I should keep in mind or should I just do everything exactly the same as if she were 25?

Regarding the canned openers.

Do you guys ever worry that a girl will either have a dummy profile or some friends that also have profiles and they may see that you just send out blanket messages.

Seems like some % of a chance that might not be worth taking.

( x ) increased sex drive on average

But all kidding aside, if youre looking for a relationship, I'd show off my more focused, gentleman side. I date older women much more often than younger and it works out well

Tinder girl who cancelled our 9 PM to study for the DAT said she was bad, went out anyway and just invited me to meet her now at 11:30

in before on the couch and boob groping