Just finished reading this. I don't have much to add to what others have said but I'll add my perspective anyway because I think I see the entertainment value in writing lots of long messages before the date. If that's how online dating worked I'd be happy to do it the same way (I should clarify: I only mean writing lots of long messages in general, I would not write the same content in mine). I was actually really surprised when people ITT said you need to get the number after just a few short messages and get a date immediately after, because that's not the way it worked in the "banging chicks from myspace.com" days. But this is different because everyone on OKC/POF is specifically looking for new people to contact them and meet up with in person. I really believe now with these sites that the ideal number of messages to send before a date is the minimum required to get that date.

The problem is the only thing you accomplished was giving her material to pleasure herself to. There's a big difference between getting someone in the mood to take care of themselves and getting them in the mood for sex. She can project whatever qualities she wants on you when it's all in her mind and it's 100% safe for her. Of course she's going to get nervous when she realizes it's about to get real and you may not be anything like the image she has of you in her mind. Unless you're rocking some PeteMesquite abs in which case she won't care about anything else. The funny thing is she was obviously DTF but you needed to put the work in in person.

And yeah those last messages were just bad.

Doesn't that seem a bit pushy to set a date after I suggested it in the last message?

You either say nothing or text "ok, talk to you next week". In the meantime you do nothing. Anything else risks coming across as desperate and indicates you want her so much you can't be polite. She said she'll be in touch when she returns. Follow her lead.

youtalkfunny:

I read your online dating convo, although I could have missed something, here is my take:

This girl seems really cool and is probably very close to falling in love with you. Obviously no matter how good any sex is, it lasts what... an hour, max?

Have you ever been heartbroken? How long does that last? Even just meeting someone and having it not work out lasts much longer negatively than any "pleasurable sexual experience". She clearly wants to have sex with you, but doesn't want to take an even further step into that experience only to be left alone and heartbroken for 231,132,2342,4234234,32,423,423 hours afterwards. Women seem much better at understanding the long-term stuff than men. (whereas sex for men seems to include that love and intimacy, but also has some sort of conquest features about it ((random rant)) but I mean.. at least for me personally, that conquest pleasure was always very fleeting).

Even though it's not your fault, per se, this girl is clearly happy to have sex, but is looking for something more substantial- its wrong for you to use your sweettalk to lead her on simply if you are only interested in sex, even if you "stated so" early on. She wants a relationship and intimacy everyday in her life, someone close to share life with. I think this is pretty obvious. You definitely seem capable of being a great guy and a great partner for any woman, and conversely, she seems like a great girl who definitely deserves a great man by her side.

The sex thing is of course always on the surface, esp on online dating sites, and she's definitely happy to be talking to a guy who is open and cool about sex.. because that's a nice small part of the relationship- but if it's your end-goal and then "see what happens" I don't think that's gunna cut it with her. She wants something real and I think you've done a good enough job woo-ing her pre sex-plosion, that she doesn't want to risk a 1-night stand and then weeks of eating 711 ice cream until the sun-rises.

All that being said, I definitely do not think your chances are blown or even close to it. If you are actually interested in this girl, then the only play is pure honesty about everything, and see what happens. This may sound cliche, but seriously we are all people and we all go through the same emotions and everyone can feel for everyone else, so if you e-mail her with just pure honesty and openness and down to talk about whatever, I think at least some good would come out of it. (even if it's just to apologize for leading her on)

ytf what % of your sex-related paragraphs were jests, verses what you'd actually do?

also, were you actually wacking off while writing those/anticipating the response?

So there's a girl I met on OKC last month. 25 year old Asian girl, we seemed to hit it off OKC and made plans to meet up. We went to some local batting cages, but only spent about 30 minutes there before she had to go to dance classes. Texted back and forth a couple of times after that (I was always the one who initiated the texting) but I seemed to be heading towards a second meeting until...

I was at the casino playing one afternoon, and some guy was yammering to the table all for hours on end. I'd never been around such a loudmouth in my life. I texted her about the situation, as she has a good sense of humor and I thought she might find it funny. She seemed to find it reasonably funny. Finally, I texted her this.

Me: An older black man just cursed him out. He couldn't take anymore.

Her:Why?

Me: He kept calling him Herman Cain.

Her: lol

Me "Don't call me Herman Cain, ask me my ****ing name, mother****er!"

She didn't respond to that last text, and didn't respond to a text trying to initiate conversation a couple of days later. Guessing I blew it with my profanity and general weirdness, but I'd really like to chat with this girl again. Any thoughts?

Jmakin,
quality post

Roughly perused Jmakin's post and I have to strongly disagree. Basically all he does is make foolish, shallow and immature insults on totally fine and sensible things ytf said. And he basically backs it up with nothing of substance. It's as if he's either just trying to cut into YTF's confidence or make people think he's cool or funny.

I would definitely take the over on jmakin being a big "loser" himself. He's like the kid in 8th grade who thinks he knows everything and is trying to be cool.

In the real world, great things happen out of spontaneity. fwiw I thought ytf's e-mails read nicely, but even if they hadn't.. i'd take his genuine spontaneity over some unnatural pre-conceived concepts anyday.

This,
i'd just say ok sounds good. Then see if she reaches out to you next week or so. If she doesn't just shoot her a text.

Sounds like you're done. Wait a few days and fire one more desperation shell if you really want.

You have to now

ytf,

you are a genius

and in all seriousness ytf girls don't like guys who dont know what they want. they want confidence

saying stuff like all you care about is making her happy and blah blah is going to either make her walk all over you or think you're pathetic.

Fossilkid,

Not only did I not leave I paid for the drinks. i did however ignore her text today and dont plan to respond.

I feel like I have a duty to warn others who will be bamboozed by her deception.

Nobody likes picking on jmakin more than I do, and he certainly deserves way more than his fair share of ridicule, but he is 100% spot on here.

Wait, I thought I was the loser who thinks he knows everything?

Funny, I thought about emailing her an apology, but not because I think there's any chance of salvaging this.

But then I asked myself, "What would OOT say about that?", and after blasting me for dreaming up such a dumb idea, they'd agree that nothing good could come of it.

But now I'm curious what WOULD come of it, so I'll give it a try, and report back with the results.

(Actually, it's past my bedtime, and I'm too sleepy to do it now. You guys write it, and I'll send it in the afternoon, when I wake up.)

"Sorry I jackassed so hard. Good luck in life."

d10,

I would just text her before her trip wishing her a good trip and then contact her after she's supposed to have returned.

Wasnt the profanity, she was just incredibly bored and disinterested with what youre saying.

Were poker players and couldnt care less of a second hand story about a table loudmouth. Doubt she did.

YTF think u scared the girl by u saying u have hairy chest LOL! ewww grosss no offense! and WHAT you're 43...so old! HI DAD

Because I'm a menace to myself and to others, I just sent her this:

(Some necessary background: Remember that she'll see the first line before she clicks on it; also, our sole phone conversation was before the correspondence turned to All Sex All The Time, and when I had made my usual move of asking, "So, how's this internet dating treatin' ya? Any horror stories?", she told me about the time she asked a guy to bring a friend along to fix up a friend of hers, and learning later that the jerk invited his friend by saying, "So, you want to go meet up with a couple of Sure Things?", which pissed her off when she heard about it.)

is there a such thing as an e-restraining order?

You've committed so many dating faux pars I'm sure one more cant hurt!

In all honesty I think this apology might be your best move given the dynamic you guys have. Maybe she won't think you're crazy.

Just stahpppp. If things work out again its more a poor reflection of her than a good one on any of your actions. I cant believe theres a ( ) going into sex details, yet again....
You like saying beating off and sucking me off too much.

Mother of god.

You should probably text her that you are going to furiously masturbate thinking about her every day until she is back, but that you will try to abstain the day of your date.