I have seen at least five thousand bicycle riders here in Den Haag and not a single one was wearing a helmet.

Also: GMLAW mocked me gently for over tipping when I left a 19’per cent tip.

Just unreal: when I looked up after hitting reply on that post, some cyclist wearing a helmet spun by me. 1 in 5022 and counting.

Yeah it’s a no brainer for me, I am barely even an acquaintance but my wife is a little trickier. When my daughter exclaimed that she spotted him my first thought was dreading the possibility of making small talk with someone who I couldn’t remember how much I talked to previously, how many times I met them, or anything about them. When it was clear I was spared that because my wife said he was not with his family I stopped thinking about it. She assumed platonic friend or sister or coworker at that point. She was facing him, though, I never once saw either of them. They didn’t come up again in my consciousness until after we got home and she told me it was clearly a date.


Agree. This is where we landed but I guess it was more of a line check to see if the dude’s privacy/business vs the wife’s potential humiliation of having us know while she (probably) doesn’t was voided by his carelessness. I absolutely have no intention of getting involved but I know my wife is concerned about their future interactions being tainted and will be pretty sad if it seems like the wife doesn’t know. It’s a bit of a humiliation. And let’s be honest, the secret open marriage edge case posits are unlikely compared to what was probably happening.

It really doesn’t pass the golden rule test.

Yes. Unqualified.

Ignorance is bliss otherwise.

Golden rule is clear cut when everyone would def want to be treated the same. This isn't a matter of being kind.

She could (likely) go from happy to devastated on account of your conscious. Some people don't want to know.

Lol

I go back and forth on whether I'd want to know.

Theory says ldo, but in practice: I don't know man. I also know that I'd know before someone else had to tell me, so it's moot.

Yeah good points. It certainly gets less golden when the altruistic bs is boiled down to more selfishness, at least in part. Lotta times confessions/apologies are really self serving, aren’t they? Confessing for someone else is pretty damn questionable in that light.

Re being told and already knowing, I kinda agree there too, it is too easy to say I’d want to know from where I perceive I stand in my marriage now. I have zero fear of someone telling me my wife is cheating on me because at least at this point it seems very unrealistic. I’m not so naive that I think it could never happen to us, our relationship could never change or any of that, but I’d be almost as intrigued as hurt if she had that much of a secret life going on.

I dunno - going to dinner with your mistress in a popular place when your wife actually has friends and isn't just some homebody screams "she knows and doesn't care" or "she knows and he doesn't GAF" or "she doesn't know but he wants her to find out".

I also anticipate your wife tells the woman eventually

I was talking to my wife about it for a minute last night to check in with how she is processing it. I mentioned that maybe they have an open arrangement and she said she thought about that too partly because she had a similar situation years ago when she saw her (closer friend’s) husband at a club making out with another woman. She told her friend right away and found out that she did know and they both cheated on each other and knew. It was not an open arrangement because there was anamosity and jealously and it wasn’t really prearranged but it was not news and went on that way for years. She told my wife she also had a boyfriend.

At this point what is 100% is I am staying out of it obv. We are not telling anyone not involved like mutual friends or anything like that ever. My wife likely won’t be in a situation where she is asked or prompted to volunteer it, but if she is then she will make a decision when she is forced to. There could be some scenario where that changes, for example if the wife starts spontaneously confiding in her or they become closer friends, but my wife is not a drama seeker so she isn’t going to dig for that.

Little wild card is my daughter mentioning she saw him out and it somehow blossoming from that but it is both unlikely and not something I am going to try to pre-empt at all. The idiot got spotted by his kid’s friend. I’m not going to make her adhere to a bros before hoes code on his behalf.

Bighurt, kinda messed up to post pics of his kid on here. Not the kid's fault.

2 like 20 year old kids are here moving in a new bedroom set and putting it in together for me - paid of course cause lol moving - I go in and offer them a beer. "No thanks - we don't drink alcohol, Sir". Water? "No, we're good thank you". Wtf millennials

What...is...this?

I can’t tell to be sad, terrified or both. I’m certainly confused.

Do you even kombucha?

Technically Im a millennial. And I blame the baby boomers and the younger millennials for everything.

Lol at not wanting to know. Cant even imagine that.

You don't have kids.

Yeah, I don't think I'd want to know until my kids were at least out of HS. That's only 2 years though. If my kids were young it might be different.

Oh man, gotta stay away from the USA thread. I don't want to hate the English anymore than I already do.

You are just saying there are circumstances in which you find it acceptable for your partner to cheat on you secretly. It might be for you personally because you have kids, or maybe you are on your deathbed, in a vegetable state, or some other reason.

If my partner was cheating on me, I would want to know 100% of the time.

That doesn't mean I'm going to go full scorched earth and end everything 100% of the time. It just means that I would always prefer to know that it is happening, mostly because I can make better decisions with the information.

There's nothing wrong with deciding to stay together for the kids sake while they are young, but also making financial arrangements to protect your (and especially their) interest in the future. Generally I would consider someone who is secretly cheating to be toxically selfish, and capable of taking resources intended for the kids and misappropriating it on themselves and their new fling.

I read this article this anonymous woman wrote.

Her husband cheated on her. Her friend told her. She became less friendly with her friend. She didnt address it with her husband. Or she did but he just lied and she knew it. Then she found out her friend is cheating on her husband and decided not to say anything. Then proceeded to call the husband a cuck in the article. Relationships...amirite

Lol at not ditching her. Cant even imagine that.

Being willing to stay with someone while in the dark about them cheating, and claiming you would ditch them 100% of the time if you knew they were cheating is either next level hypocrisy or stupidity, I'm not sure which.

Larry,

Smoke a bowl man I think he was just messing with you by using your own words to make a hyperbolic reply

It's not quite the contradiction you seem to think it is.

Think harder.

I think if you genuinely would be able to live with a situation under the guise of "ignorance is bliss" then you have room to improve your mental stability to instead be able to handle emotionally triggering information.

People are largely dumb, untrustworthy, emotional, fragile things. But that doesn't mean that striving to be able to handle everything that comes your way is fruitless. Gaining the most complete information possible is always ideal, not being able to handle that information is something you can improve.