Relationships are weird nowadays tho.

Who knows what certain folks would say to normies to describe it?

Even if they're not co-swingers (or open or whatev), who's to say that she hasn't accepted a don't ask/don't tell m.o. to his cheating?

Do you think she would want to be told in the case?

Agreed, she should keep at least a few people out of it.

That's an overly simplistic and black & white approach, that assumes the two relationships and their boundaries are the same/very similar.

The right answer is:

Don’t say anything unless asked, but also don’t lie if confronted about what you’re asked about. I would encourage my wife to do the same.

Use this as a lesson to your 6 year old that we don’t share everything we see and know about our friends and neighbors because of MYOB. Also not everything is always as it appears and making assumptions based on appearances can be very risky.

There is a very high chance that you or you wife will only create drama for your own lives by involving yourself in another relationships potential indiscretions.

You would or wouldn't want to be told?



The obvious play imo is mind your own business. There's likely little to no upside in getting involved.


I'd be interested in Sgt. RJ's take on this.

...then he had sex with her

A guy drags his bad business all over town. Your wife can spill the beans free from guilt.

"Don't say anything unless asked" doesn't make sense?

Do people just ask each other "Hey, everyone is minding their business and telling me nothing, but is my husband ever at popular restaurants with other women, acting intimately?"

It is just another way of saying 'mind your own damn business'.

Exactly. Larry over thought that one. Also sometimes you have to be explicit and say “don’t lie” or people will say “I thought you meant lie when you said don’t say anything”

"Use this as a teaching moment..."

For covering the tracks of a jerk that may or may not care about being found out. Sound lesson.

I’d like to live in your world for a week or two Tuma

Blackmail him for $5-10k

This does seem like the biggest reason to STFU. We all have things we are basically aware of deep down but would rather stick our heads in the sand about. There's every chance that the wife would be hurt by the cheating but would be hurt even more by having negative suspicions absolutely confirmed so that she's not allowed to lie to herself anymore when that's what she would prefer.

If the two women were closer and she could make a sharper read that the other woman actually would sincerely want to know the truth at the expense of the pain of knowing, perhaps a different story, but given the casual/distant nature of the relationship, it seems like an easy call to stay out.

I know and I was ribbing you. I like to think you’re my OOT rival that checks me and takes the piss whenever possible.

Also I love a Trading Places gag. You be Eddie Murphy and I’ll be DA.

All of this. In addition, say nothing at all to your daughter.

Kids will be kids. Free entertainment may flow your way.

Saklad, I would want to know and would not hold it against the person for telling me. Likewise, I would not hold it against a super casual friend/acquaintance for not telling me either.

Yeah, 100% not talking to my daughter about it--she was not aware of the dynamic at all like I said earlier. She also has the closest relationship in the whole group with the other daughter but no way I would put the responsibility of a secret like that on her. If she was aware of what happened and wondered what was going on I would probably have to man up all the way and go and talk to the freaking husband to let him know we saw him before I let my daughter broach that topic.

I also thought about the idea that maybe they have an open relationship, and I have no judgment of that at all, but really if that was the case why the hell would they care if my wife said she saw him? He certainly wasn't keeping it private at that point.

Truly, this is all a thought exercise. I just feel a little bad for his family if it is an issue for them and for my wife if she has to endure hearing about how he is working out of town all summer from the wife next time they meet up. Aside from that, we have our own lessons to keep us occupied.

MYOB or blackmail

How is specifically is it "clear" that the relationship isn't casual? Never saying anything regardless, obviously.

I honestly didn’t even bother to look at the dude once but from what my wife said she was all over him as the evening went on. I don’t know what that entailed because I didn’t care.

Never thought about blackmail before.

I was in a similar situation to Johnny when I was 18 but much more directly.

I had been helping out at practice for my younger sisters club soccer team and nights/weekends I would work as a bellmen at the Crowne Plaza hotel at the Pier/Beachside. I had become friendly with the Head Coach as we spent a few hours a week at practices and games working together and discussing training plans.

One slowish Saturday night I’m standing out at Valet and a Honda Accord rolls up. Out of the passenger seat pops my sisters Head Coach who was married and who’s daughter was on the team. He hustles up to me while his female friend waited in the car and asked me if the hotel allows bookings without a credit card on file (a cash only stay.) I went inside to confirm with my supervisor and came back out and told him sorry we required a credit card for incidentals.

He said no worries, told me he was never there and went off to find a motel 6 or something like that to accommodate him.

I never said a word to anyone, it was like he was never there.

What would you all do?

For additional context: he was about 20-25 years older than me and a friendly working acquaintance but he and his wife were friends with my parents and his daughter and my sister were good friends.

My position was I was doing my job and a potential guest pulled up, asked a question and then politely left. I couldn’t possibly make any reasonable assumptions or judgements based on the interaction, but I think others could see it differently.

What you did was just fine.

This part, however, is nonsense.

i was wrong to challenge you in oot given the youthfulness in post #1575. stereotyped you a bit and made a bad read... my aim is to only pick on people much bigger than me. respect from the tribe.