Fabian,

27 is right. Was nice knowing you, kid.

Both are very special, as is lapka.

Lapka,


I was just translating for LKJ!

Lapka, there's an older woman who lives across the street from me. She's maybe 70, and she often sits out in her front yard all day making whining and groaning noises and talking to herself loudly enough that I have to keep my windows closed in order to not hear her. I think she's speaking in English most of the time, but she has a very heavy Ukrainian accent and is very difficult to understand.

I'm not sure what her health issues are, but she uses a walker, and a few times a week she gets picked up by a mobility van from a long-term care center for some sort of medical appointments. Her daughter and her daughter's boyfriend and their kids live with her, and they often yell at each other in the driveway (which is an anomaly in this white, middle class,demure neighborhood) but probably not to the extent that LFS would need to intervene.

Earlier today I go out to my garden and hear her making her noises like she always does and don't pay much attention. But after a while it occurs to me that it seems like she's crying out much louder than she usually does. So I look over to see what all this fuss is about, and it appears she's fallen to the ground and is on her hands and knees trying to pull herself back up, shrieking out, "help me, someone please help me."

So obviously my first inclination is to think, there's no way she saw me, I can just go back inside and wait for someone else to hear her and help out. But inspired by the stories of bravery and heorism here recently--not just the way El Diablo let a pregnant woman have his seat, but also LFS standing up to that abuser, and Villian's girlfriend walking up to a gun-toting maniac and daring him to pull the trigger--I feel compelled to take action.

So I go over to where she's lying and ask if I can help. She says yes, please help me up. I try offering her my hands to help pull her up, but she says, no, no, go around behind and lift me. Now this is not a particularly easy task, as she has considerable girth, and is heavy enough that the reason she is on the ground in the first place is that one of the legs of her chair snapped off under her weight.

But I manage to straddle her from behind and grab her under her arms. I couldn't get my arms all the way around her, and had to struggle to not press into her boobs too much as I tried to deadlift what felt like a 250 lbs pillow wearing a skimpy sun dress. Eventually I get her to her feet, and she manages to balance long enough for me to grab one of her other chairs and move it under her. I asked if there's anyone in the house she wants me to get or if there's anyone I should call, but she tells me no, she's fine now. So I retun home, take a shower to wash off all the sweaty flabby old woman skin residue, and then make my "bless her heart" post. I hope you can find it in your heart to forgive me. I was not myself after the ordeal I'd just been through, and was just trying to make some light-hearted banter. I meant no offense. I am sorry.

Thread has taken a very amusing turn. I am entertained. Very well done Gregorio.

I need to take some sort of martial arts class if I'm going to roam the country like Caine, protecting the weak from the wicked. Anybody know where I should start? BJJ? Krav Maga? There's a gym in Glendale that teaches SAMBO which looks and sounds pretty badass.

Lapka, a proper reply to that would be “CSB.” which stands for cool story bro; a nonplussed, sarcastic meaning. See also: “A chilling tale, lad.”

Lfs: Kung Fu seems the obvious choice.

Greg: I help old people cross the street pretty much every week. I suggest looking into that, it’s much more pleasant than what you described.

just a length of this post totally made me laugh. Kinda like this moth joke. And the tone and the content too.

I kinda to 50% believe the story. But you made me laugh. I mean just the effort to type it out. And to growl at El'd helped.

I just wanted to ask what all stars mean and then they disappeared.

But everything is good again

Why the heck is everyone entertained by drama? Where is entertainment by something productive? I much prefer LFS' s stories about saving someone to some twitch spoiler drama.

Same. Usually dropping the car into neutral and revving the engine works great!

We should take away old people’s licenses before they kill someone.

America

Mods,

Please make greg use the spoiler tag for his erotica posting itt.

As proof I offer a pic of the broken green chair. I'll try to get a close up later

I helped my own 93 yo Nana with a list of issues she had with her iPad this week. I feel like I’m more deserving of a medal than any of these fake heroes. For some reason she wanted me to clear her “google history”. I did so, then drew out diagram instructions for her to do it herself later. She asked what we should label the instructions and I said “delete history” and she asked me what that meant. I told her it was what she requested I do. I then asked her to follow the instructions to see if there were any leaks in the process to fill in and she asked me what safari is. I told her and she says she never uses safari. Except she had about 50 tabs open and I just cleared her history.

I don’t know why she wanted her history clear. I didn’t ask.

Why anyone wants​ their history deleted, of course. Porn.

When did we do business?

I ended up winning the bracelet in Event #70 - $3k LHE 6max. Howard was a big help on the rail and setting up dinner for me on Day 2

Haha that would be really douchey

Are you the actual Joe Davola? If so, I made a deal for an actress on "Hype".

If that's just your screen name, then nevermind. I thought Howard was talking about the real-world Joe Davola for some reason.

In case anyone is still confused, the character of crazy Joe Davola is based on a producer named Joe Davola who is a friend of Larry David's. That would be who LFS is talking about.

You should have cut her grass while you were there, slacker.

This choice is especially correct in circumstances like that Georgia story: groups of opponents know to wait patiently while you subdue them one-by-one if you know kung fu.

Greg,

OOT will eventually get to the truth of your story and figure out that you were sexing that woman.

Wait wait wait. You're implying that outing Sterling Kolb is a bad thing.

Hahahahahahahahaha.

Obv talking about contacting babs' sister

I was never in contact with Nima's sister. I only put up a website exposing his abusive behaviors, especially involving his customers and tenant.

Given that Nima Jooyandeh is absolutely confirmed and admitted to be a thief, and in fact how Jmakin was the guy who brought the evidence that forced Nima to confess to everything, I find GnT calling out Jmakin here to be absurd as well.