I'm just saying he should be sure it's truly a ****ty relationship before he cuts it because 45 is not prime dick-swinging age. I'm not suggesting someone should stay in a ****ty situation just to not be alone.

We don't have nearly enough info to say that he's in a crappy relationship. We just know there's some friction, resentment, and frustration over this one thing.

Agree. But it is definitely enough info to say that the marriage should be postponed until this issues are resolved. Some other kind of premarital counselling than 2+2 would be advantageous.

agree. Before cutting anything better be sure that it is not worth saving.

I can see in many couples asking to postpone a marriage effectively ending a relationship.

Then he has his answer.

He doesn't need to go same age. He can go about 10 years younger as he is now. Put it this way: what choice of women 10 years younger than oneself does one have, when one is aged:

30 (i.e. choice o 20 year olds, very little choice or chance)
35 bit better but still difficult
40 starting to be a realistic proposition that you might get one
45 plenty of unattached 35 year olds around.
it does continue:
60 now you're firmly in the target age group for any unattached 50 year old
80 outnumbered by single/widowed 70 year olds about 10 to 1.

But obviously the trouble if you leave it too late is you miss out on her best years too and that's a good time to build attachment.

So if the endgame is to be 70 years old, living with a great 60 year old wife you've been with for 25 years, with your own kids and perhaps with first few grandkids on the horizon then this is still not such a bad time at all.

For same age relationships it's maybe late-ish but he's not restricted to them.

Obvious play is to stay single until 80.

Yeah mate can't wait to smash all that 70 yo muff

Vaginas are like wine they get better with age

FYP

You're planning on marrying a financially illiterate woman who has no respect for you. If you're miserable down the road you have no one to blame but yourself.

OP any updates?

Not really, a man is in the position of usually being able to trade up as time goes on and women often end up having to settle for trading down in some way. For evidence, facebook stalk couples you knew who split up cca 5 years ago and compare past and present partners on both sides.

Obviously the play would be just to stay with someone till you're 80 then trade her in for a hotter grandma. Depends what you want to do though, you might be more likely to value the relationship that has stood the test of time, particularly if you have kids and grandkids together.

The important thing here, is that the relationship we are talking about is one that has failed the test of time, they've been together long enough for him to see what she's like so he should trade up for a different 35 year old before, as someone puts it, things get drier with age.

TIL:

- not really that obvious that you should stay single til age 80 (it's actually debatable!)
- It IS obvious that you should split up at age 80 to find a hotter grandma*

*some caveats for people who are like really into proven track records and grandkids

Op probably got ****ed in the head by some of the advice and it ruined his relationship and is now too mad to post. Hope i'm wrong

Updates plz

I thought this was great when first posted.

I don't have very high hopes for good outcomes on this situation. Not sure if OP will ever return, but if so, I just want to say that I am troubled on his behalf.

FWIW I am very happily married for the last decade to the woman of my dreams. So I aint knocking marriage or women.

But the way he has described this woman's behavior is pretty horrible to me. Selfish, cruel, and kind of gaslighting him over how "normal" this all is.

OP, it is NOT normal what she is doing or how she is doing it. That is all. best of luck.

lol you're a bit of an idiot, huh? You sound like you're 22.

Well, my registration date is 05, so that would have made me 9-years-old at the time. Might want to rethink that one, chief (we'll disregard the fact I've been a 2+2er since about 1996 or 97). I still stand behind my declaration.

Has anyone ever defended themselves from "You sound like a child" with "Clearly I am not a child"? lol

I have no real update to speak of. We've been getting along fine. They leave in five weeks or so for their trip.

Well, "You're an idiot, huh? You sound young" will generally elicit an equally "reasoned" argument against. Sorry, but I'll wait for him to put forth a more sound argument for his position (about dating) than a stock ad hominem.

Your use of 'chief' is most telling, bra.

These two sentences seem like they shouldn't be connected.