Well yeah, racking up CC debt shouldn't be encouraged. It's all dependent on when she plans to pay it off. Is she expecting a bonus from work in Jan? What are the financial circumstances? If she works, it's her money and her choice.

MLYLT,


The problem isn't the trip. The problem is (at least to my understanding) that it was announced to the OP and not discussed. "I'm taking daughter on a trip" is much different than "I'm considering taking daughter on a trip, what do you think?" Healthy relationships do the latter.

What a shocker! An OOT OP that leaves out highly relevant information!

So let me get this straight now:

1) You were in Paris alone for 6 weeks in summer for work.

2) She came out to Paris to visit you for a 2-week vacation together, and she left her daughter at home in the US with her grandparents.

3) Now she wants to take her daughter who didn't get to go to Paris with her, so she could be with you, on a mother-daughter ~1 week trip to Paris. Winter/Christmas holidays is the best time to do so.

4) She communicates about it with you in advance, and hasn't booked it yet.

Is this all correct? If so, then I am now doubting your characterization of her "announcing" it to you, and think she was more likely discussing it with you (asking-ish but expecting to go), and that she is in the right.


The CC funding is a separate issue though.

Her savings is depleted from buying a house and this summer's trip. She doesn't have enough cash to pay for it so she's putting it on a card with the idea that she will pay it down over the next year. I've told her this is a terrible idea and that she needs to rebuild her savings.

Fwiw I have savings so her not being flush now it not a huge problem if the AC goes out or something.

This is correct.

So it wasn't an "announcement" but a "discussion"?

No offense, but this mentality is why you're broke.

LOL Americans and debt.

send her over to:

www.bogleheads.com

Do married people nowadays keep separate finances? I find that odd.

I know these people aren’t married but they are acting like it and bought a house together.

We have separate accounts and pay a percentage of the bills according to our incomes. It's actually nice because there's no quibbling about individual purchasers. Though we do both contribute to a single college fund for the little girl.

Well, she’s broke. Assuming you’re not, you’re going to be paying for any unexpected big ticket expenses.

A trip that is totally unnecessary and is going to cost what, $5000 is something that should be discussed between the couple. Your finances might be in separate accounts but they aren't actually separate if you are planning on getting married.

If it would take you both a year to pay that off it is a terrible, terrible decision.

A mother daughter trip to Paris sounds amazing. Not talking it over with you and putting it on a cc is not so amazing. Different attitudes towards money/debt etc can be a huge strain on a relationship. Even having separate finances often one person becomes more burdened financially as the other person can't afford to do fun things etc while getting out of debt so their partner pays for all those extra things. If this continues throughout the relationship resentment can really build up. I'd consider it a red flag someone being so blasé about money. Why can't she just save for a year and take her daughter next year without the debt?

She's 8, not 15.

Unless she's going to Disney, dragging an 8 year-old around Paris in December will not be fun. Paris is ****ing cold in December, rains a lot and is stupidly expensive. I love Paris, but I wouldn't visit in winter.

She said something like she was going to take her to Paris over Christmas. I didn't mean to make it sound so harsh with "announce" but she also wasn't asking either. And she has not booked it but does have all the travel plans figured out, including flights.

Lol. I'm a member on that forum.

Oh yeah winter blah. Screw that lol.

Personally I don't think she should have to ask to do something, that sounds a bit like you're her dad or whatever but I would definitely be discussing it with my fiancé beforehand. Will this impact your wedding plans at all? Weddings can be very expensive in themselves.

I didn't mean to suggest she needed my permission or anything. I'm as progressive as they come.

I'm not sure how she would be able to contribute to the wedding expenses and take this trip. We need to discuss that.

I hear Australia is nice in December

How ya gonna keep em down on the farm
After they've seen Paree!

Ok great I didn't think you necessarily did mean that but I wasn't 100% sure. Probably I'd speak to her and tell her you totally understand why she wants to do a mother daughter special trip but ask her whether she would consider delaying it due to finances and also her daughter being so young. I'd say possibly her daughter felt left out when she wasn't involved in your time in Paris and your fiancé is trying to compensate.

I definitely would tell her how you feel a bit hurt that you won't be spending either Christmas or Thanksgiving together. She may have no idea the holidays mean so much to you. My bf couldn't care less about Christmas and we've spent quite a few apart, with work commitments etc. It's best to let her know now how you feel about the holiday period so possibly in the future she can plan for an alternate time. What would you generally do over the holidays? Do you spend it by yourselves or with family? My first thought was she may be trying to avoid a family get together lol.

We've done the last three Christmases just the three of us. No family things. We have our own traditions. Little girl follows Santa online on Santa tracker all day while making cookies for him. We have to put the fire out by 7 or she has a fit that Santa won't come etc, etc, etc. Presents, pancakes, me failing at putting toys together, etc, drinking mulled wine that GF has on stove all day. The normal.

I should say that I don't have any objection to a special mother daughter trip but missing Christmas together seems a bit much. I mean I just can't imagine not spending Christmas together.

Hell I would love to have some alone time. A good cigar, nice bottle of Scotch, roaring fire, and no one bothering me sounds great.

because usually this is done when you can't afford something