If I hit the lottery, I'd consider having kids.

if i hit the lottery, having kids would be the last thing on my mind.

hookers and blow

i still cant believe people still get lolmarried in 2018.

Now THIS is insane

It's not like I'd have to spend any time with them, jeez.

My post was more just taking a swipe at Americans in general not poor people which it may have sounded like. Just the lack of thought that goes into getting married, having kids and accumulating debt is incredible. Obviously this applies to people outside of America too. So much thought will go into planning an expensive wedding which is fine if you can afford it but I have seen so much debt wracked up from weddings. I couldn't think of anything worse than starting married life with this big debt. Then pretty much little to no thought will go into retirement planning.

First thing I'd say is, why don't you announce that you are going to take the girl somewhere for a week without your fiancee and you've already booked the time off work?

Of course, the answer is that it would be different, because it's not your daughter, not your family. Bingo. With respect, if you don't have biological children yourself you're not well placed to say that your relationship with her is the same thing. Normally I just let this go, for example if some kid's biological parents are not around and some other infertile couple wants to be mum and dad then fine, that's clearly the best solution and the rest of us should go along with it. Same if a kid who is living with a gay couple who want to both be "dad" even if only one is the biological father. This situation is different as it seems that you are being exploited here so it's time to recognize what's actually what.

Part of the reason I took so long to reply was I read the book recommended ITT, "The Manipulated Man." I'd say it's pretty dated actually, it was written in 1971 and is more about the world of Don and Betty Draper - e.g. stay at home wives. If you do read it then be prepared to ignore a lot of pseudoscientific psychological, sociological and conspiratorial explanations for things that are now better explained by evolutionary biology/psychology. The other thing missing is a clear idea of what the men of Vilar's era would actually be doing if they weren't being exploited and manipulated by their women. - i.e. what a better life would actually look like, though it's a reminder that the pre-feminist era that MRA guys idolise didn't actually work for men either. That said, I think if you are in an unhealthy relationship, even in modern times, then you will start to notice some of the techniques in the book being used to manipulate you, so you could benefit from reading it if you're able to do so critically.

You very quickly answered the question of whether or not the wedding was still on. That means you haven't set a date? I'd say never set a date. Getting married improves nothing and just unbalances the power dynamic in the relationship too much - which in your case would be particularly bad. Have been married 10 years myself, it isn't the end of the world but don't expect it to improve anything in the relationship - its likely to be just the opposite.

Tend to disagree there is another man involved.

In what economy can it make sense that child support is $325 a month and dancing for 8-year-olds is $170 a month? Just because someone wants the money it doesn't mean you have to pay. What is the teacher's hourly gross (i.e. number of kids in the class x $170 / hours taught per typical month)?

I think you're in your mid 40s right? If you were older I'd maybe take a different view but you still have a chance at a better life than this with your own kids and a woman who's not exploiting you to this extent and you should ignore sunk costs and get out of this whole thing while you're still in the prime of your life.

Nailed it.

Jesus Christ

"Mid-40's are the prime of your life."
- Old Guy

More the tail end of the prime of your life, that's why he should get on with it.

Cause there's a sea of 40's+ good catches out there.

If you're a woman there is

OP's a dude afaik, but lol @ the sexism that middle-aged single dudes aren't damaged goods, too.

Call it sexism if you want, but the ability to make and take care of babies is a thing that affect sexes differently.

Decent post up until this point. Not sure what the child support ($325 is obv lol, anything under $1K is a joke in a first world country) has to do with it.

Hourly gross is obviously a very wrong way of looking at the situation, what's the overhead of the business that runs the class?

Yes they are not going broke by selling $170/month classes but a single $170/month location isn't making anyone rich by a long shot

The odd part is I'm not sure if you're talking about females or males here.

There's no difference of a 25 year old vs 45 year old in these abilities between the sexes?

what a pathetic, ill-informed, inexperienced response

For single people? Probably not.

Wtf does this even mean? When you're in your late-60's, you'll likely be calling the 50's the prime of life.

SMH....

Reproductive function changes differently for men an women. And "yes" it also changes for men. Sex drive changes differently. Many things change differently. Psyche changes differently. Hormon levels change differently. If you wanna have your own healthy kids, you should stay below 40 for a perspective partner and yourself. You still can have kids older but risks grow.

In my POV, it is complete nonsense to call any time "prime". Doing that leads to a very bad habit of living in the past or the future instead of now. I believe that it is important to acknowledge that we all are gonna die and we change with time but at the same time you have to live in NOW. And OP should reconsider his relationship, but he should be doing it no matter of his age plain because what he described doesn't sound very appealing as a relationship. In fact I know few couples around 70, who soooo should get a divorce.

I think everyone is aware of the reproductive aspect to this, lapka.

Do you mean that OP holds on to this relationship because he wants to have kids as fast as possible and feels his clock ticking?

I haven't read every post in this thread. I just saw Thay3r bringing in this aspect.

My friend's dad is 73 years old and has a 9 month old daughter. There's a pretty big difference wrt aging and fertility.

Dunno about the first one; I don't think he has addressed it.

The convo got started because a guy said OP should immediately bail on his fiancee because he's in his mid-40's and that's a prime age to be swinging your dick around looking for a new mate before it's too late.

All I'm saying is all the people I know/have known who are single in their mid-40's+, male or female, generally make it apparent why they can't make a long-term relationship work just by listening to them speak about general life topics.

It would suck to be mid-40's+ looking for a soulmate. If you don't mind being a middle-aged dude banging randoms from bars (Dom?) like a college frat kid, then I suppose it's moot.

Put it this way: there's probably not very many childbearing-aged women who are going to be willing to have a child with a 73-year-old who's not financially secure.

The point of my post was disagreeing with the reasoning to end-up this relationship.OP should end it because it is a crappy relationship, at least from his description. His age doesn't matter.

I believe Dom is actually in a pretty satisfying and cool relationship.

It sucks a lot more to be at one point 70 and realize to have spent the last 30 years in a relationship where you wonder 90% of the time why the heck am I in that. How did I end-up here? And the answer you are giving yourself is: "to not be alone".

Don't know ... I am in kinda similar position ... 40+ looking for a soul mate. If I look at the past relationships regrets are not " I should have settled." but more " Why the heck didn't I leave earlier".