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Is this odd? Spending Christmas Vacation Apart

View Poll Results: Is this odd?

Yes

103 76.30%

32 23.70%

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10-04-2018 , 06:57 PM

#326

Rexx14

Carpal \'Tunnel

Join Date: Mar 2013 Posts: 7,215

I don't think there has ever been a thread regarding a wife/gf etc where someone hasn't thrown in the "She having an affair".

Quote

10-04-2018 , 07:34 PM

#327

pokeraz

Pooh-Bah

Join Date: Sep 2003 Posts: 3,873

Occam's razor

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10-04-2018 , 07:36 PM

#328

anonla

Cause and effect

Join Date: Feb 2012 Posts: 5,487

Quote:

Originally Posted by callipygian

Asking "help me find an xmas present for my gf" is fine.

Telling strangers your SO's financial situation and admitting you are rethinking the relationship to strangers is wow.

Why?

I find internet surprisingly helpful for basically all life stuff. Definitely more helpful than any of the therapists I had. I am convinced if I post a problem here and the replies say 90% basically the same, then it is the solution. It is often not so easy to follow the advice.

I think it is perfectly normal and actually smart to have so verbalized process of going through emotional stuff.

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10-04-2018 , 08:13 PM

#329

Tom Ames

Carpal \'Tunnel

Join Date: Oct 2005 Posts: 45,797

Quote:

Originally Posted by dalerobk2

FWIW, I have not mentioned any of this to anyone IRL. In part, because I'm kind of embarrassed by the whole situation, but also I just don't share relationship stuff with people, even my closest friends and family. I don't want to prejudice anyone against a SO. I am mindful of that. I posted this, in part, because I had mentioned to her at one point that I thought this whole situation was weird. She responded that her mother and friends didn't think so. I honestly wasn't sure if I was off about it, so I posted this poll. Also one of the reasons I kept the OP to bare bones so as to keep it to the essential point as possible without prejudicing people's response--for which I've been criticized in this thread.

Just a question for clarification: Did she mention this trip to her mother and friends before she informed you about it? I don't think so, but this post leaves that in doubt.

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10-04-2018 , 08:19 PM

#330

dalerobk2

veteran

Join Date: May 2012 Posts: 2,570

Quote:

Originally Posted by Tom Ames

Just a question for clarification: Did she mention this trip to her mother and friends before she informed you about it? I don't think so, but this post leaves that in doubt.

That hadn't occurred to me. I'm not sure.

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10-04-2018 , 08:42 PM

#331

Alpha Fish

Pooh-Bah

Join Date: Aug 2008 Posts: 3,832

Quote:

Originally Posted by dalerobk2

She responded that her mother and friends didn't think so.

to me it's a big red flag

a significant other, the one she's supposedly in love with and wants to spend the rest of her life with, expresses concern about her upcoming trip and her response is "lol you, my girlfriends said it's totally cool bro"

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10-04-2018 , 09:02 PM

#332

Dr. Meh

veteran

Join Date: Aug 2013 Posts: 3,351

It could be that she just wants time to be alone with her daughter. I would talk to her and let her know you feel left out but understand if she just wants to spend time alone with her. Let her know that in the future, you think it would be nice to take trips as a family so you could feel included. Her reaction to you telling her that will either be her giving you some lovin’ for understanding or she’ll be irrationally angry because something else is going on.

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10-04-2018 , 09:05 PM

#333

capone0

Carpal \'Tunnel

Join Date: Jun 2005 Posts: 43,152

Did she ask any male friends? My wife thought it was fine till I mentioned the CC debt, then she was like f no.

Quote

10-04-2018 , 09:08 PM

#334

dalerobk2

veteran

Join Date: May 2012 Posts: 2,570

Quote:

Originally Posted by capone0

Did she ask any male friends? My wife thought it was fine till I mentioned the CC debt, then she was like f no.

Not that I know of.

Quote

10-04-2018 , 09:22 PM

#335

MagnumMike 357

adept

Join Date: Jun 2018 Posts: 777

I think most women would want to spend their first Christmas in a new house at home. Poor taste not inviting the fiance on the trip. I would of hated not being home for Christmas as an 8 year old as well. She comes off as selfish and not aware of others feelings.

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10-04-2018 , 10:09 PM

#336

Tom Ames

Carpal \'Tunnel

Join Date: Oct 2005 Posts: 45,797

Quote:

Originally Posted by MagnumMike 357

I think most women would want to spend their first Christmas in a new house at home. Poor taste not inviting the fiance on the trip. I would of hated not being home for Christmas as an 8 year old as well. She comes off as selfish and not aware of others feelings.

At best.

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10-04-2018 , 10:58 PM

#337

MeLoveYouLongTime

Not a difficult personality

Join Date: Jun 2014 Posts: 13,159

Maybe she felt selfish going to Paris alone with the OP earlier this year and now wants to make up time with her daughter.
It's not selfish at all to want a mother daughter trip.

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10-04-2018 , 11:07 PM

#338

Didace

Carpal \'Tunnel

Join Date: Nov 2009 Posts: 19,890

MLYLT,

You continue to miss the point.

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10-04-2018 , 11:17 PM

#339

Tom Ames

Carpal \'Tunnel

Join Date: Oct 2005 Posts: 45,797

Let's move on.

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10-04-2018 , 11:22 PM

#340

patron

Pooh-Bah

Join Date: Oct 2015 Posts: 3,805

Defiantly.

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10-04-2018 , 11:34 PM

#341

RJT

Pooh-Bah

Join Date: Nov 2004 Posts: 4,519

Tell her “Just so you know, there’s no wedding until your CC is paid off. BTW, now is also a good time to discuss how we are going to pay for the wedding.”

Quote

10-04-2018 , 11:52 PM

#342

RJT

Pooh-Bah

Join Date: Nov 2004 Posts: 4,519

So you said you were hurt by this (as you should be, 1) not inviting you, 2) not discussing it with you) and there was no reply or comment made by her?

She said plans to pay off CC by end of January and neither of you lol when that was spoken aloud?

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10-05-2018 , 12:29 AM

#343

EfromPegTown

veteran

Join Date: Apr 2009 Posts: 3,063

Quote:

Originally Posted by RJT

Tell her “Just so you know, there’s no wedding until your CC is paid off. BTW, now is also a good time to discuss how we are going to pay for the wedding.”

She's going to put it on her credit card and pay it off by the end of January.

Quote

10-05-2018 , 02:36 AM

#344

Land O Lakes

Carpal \'Tunnel

Join Date: Nov 2005 Posts: 7,959

Quote:

Originally Posted by Didace

Isn't this anonymous? Then what's the big deal? I suppose you hate Dear Abby, too.

What's the big deal? Bro, I thought you're married to a female?

Quote:

Originally Posted by MeLoveYouLongTime

Maybe she felt selfish going to Paris alone with the OP earlier this year and now wants to make up time with her daughter.
It's not selfish at all to want a mother daughter trip.

Even if she felt "selfish" for leaving the kid at home and now planning a trip to bring the kid, well, she's taking the trip for... selfish reasons. Think about it.

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10-05-2018 , 02:37 AM

#345

Land O Lakes

Carpal \'Tunnel

Join Date: Nov 2005 Posts: 7,959

Quote:

Originally Posted by EfromPegTown

She's going to put it on her credit card and pay it off by the end of January.

People in debt are funny.

Quote

10-05-2018 , 12:33 PM

#346

VincentVega

Carpal \'Tunnel

Join Date: Oct 2005 Posts: 9,625

Calli you're annoying, shutup.

Dale, just expect when you bring up how this makes you feel she'll probably get defensive and insecure. Don't let it bother you.